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YOUR PAST AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY

YOUR PAST AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY

Many people’s insecurity starts a long time before they entered into relationship, and it begins to manifest within the relationship

Rev 21:4
…There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” NKJV

For example: the observation of constant failures in different relationships in around people is enough to cause an unsecured state in the heart of most people. What we see in the news or hear from our neighbours are so unsettling that without revelational truth from the word of God, people will perish out of the fear of what they have heard.

If my parents were divorced for whatever reason, it’s almost natural that I will feel unsecured and wonder if I will have a stable marriage. Observations of family members and failure in society’s marriages can culture such viruses of insecurity.

If a girl sees how guys dumb girls, she may be inclined to start distrusting men generally, and even when her emotions compels her into a relationship with one, she still have a state of mind that is wondering, ‘will he not be like the other guys I had seen?’.

Insecurity is worse when we have had a personal history of heartbreak from past relationships that had an unfortunate or tragic ending. You can imagine the person will carry the scars of that experience and judge the next person in his or her life based on his or her past.
That is why one of the major things we do in a relationship is to create an environment where we help our spouses to heal from emotional scars from the past. Entering into relationship without acknowledging the possible insecurities and hurts our spouse may be bringing in, will make one ill-equipped to love that person properly.

If you are the one with this kind of insecurity then you must allow the word of God to heal you, you must spend time in God’s presence until you feel the healing balm of God’s anointing pour into your soul. But for now, you must realize that this insecurity is from your past, you must thus deal with it.

PAST PRESENT INSECURITY
I want to address a certain kind of insecurity that exists not from the past of an individual but from the past of the relationship they are in presently. It is hard to not feel unsecured in a relationship when one of them has been unfaithful or has betrayed the other before in a recent past.

For example, one of the partners dumped the other for another during the course of the relationship, but eventually returned, if it was the guy that did that, the lady may need several re-assurances from the guy that it will never happen again, if not she will keep asking herself “is he not going to dump me like this sometime in the future?”

If the lady had an affair with another guy during the course of the relationship but the guy decides to forgive her, he would always wonder, “would she not repeat this act again in the future?’

Insecurity would always create such tension in people that it would be either hard for them to enjoy the relationship or stay in it. You can’t fulfil the purpose for which your relationship was ordained by God fearing that your spouse may not be faithful to you in the future.

My counsel for the unsecured person is this. Decide if you have forgiven the person totally or not. If you find yourself unable to forgive the other person completely then you aren’t really ready for the success of that relationship. If God didn’t start the relationship, I will advise you quit it. It won’t profit you or the person

But there are times when you think you have forgiven the person but you still feel fear, then you and the other person must discuss the issue and get a solid re-assurance from your partner, let them make their stance clear about their commitment to you and the integrity of that relationship, it will allay your fears.
For the person who was the culprit of the betrayal he or she has to go the extra mile to actually allay the hidden or obvious fears of his or her spouse. You have to keep re-assuring them of your commitment verbally, telling him or her how that whatever happened in the past will never repeat itself again. But words are not just enough, you must actually been seen to have changed your attitude and behaviour in that relationship, you must go the extra mile to now be transparent, and show your faithfulness to the other person.
If the behaviour that transpired in the past still has it signs or symptoms in any way, there is no way the other person will feel safe.. for example if it is the guy in the relationship who left the girl in the past for another girl, then he must cut off totally from the other ladies who can possibly even be likely source of insecurity to their spouse, he must make a conscious effort to not be seen to have any appearance of relationship with any lady for that matter, otherwise, it may trigger the past and the lady in relationship with him, and she will feel fear.

We must help each other to be secured in our relationships. Ask yourself, am I making my partner secured? How am I re-assuring him or her? Am I just doing my own thing and assuming he or she should know I love him, he or she shouldn’t be afraid, when you are actually doing everything to make them afraid of their future with you.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, your will is established in my relationship in jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord heal me and my spouse from any hurt, betrayal and hidden fears in jesus name

DO THIS
Find out if there is any insecurity in your spouse and re-assure them of your commitment through your words of affirmation and your decisive actions to prove your love to them

STUDY THIS
Psm 103: 1-5

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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QUESTION AND ANSWER: HOW CAN I AVOID CHANGE IN MY RELATIONSHIP

HOW CAN I AVOID CHANGE IN MY RELATIONSHIP

QUESTION AND ANSWER
Sir, I am presently in a relationship that was initiated by God, and I love the person but am afraid I will change towards him when we get married. Like I may not be submissive, or I may be rude or something etc. Please sir, How do I ensure that I don’t change?

ANSWER
Fear is automatic when insight is lacking. So every fear in a relationship is a product of lack of wisdom in that area and that is nothing to be ashamed of, we are all ignorant, it’s just that it is to different degrees.
Now the issue of change is something we must understand. While people are hoping they do not change or their spouse should not change, I pray they do. Even God hopes they change
What?
Yes, you and your spouse must keep changing.
If you both are not changing, then you do not have a relationship.
The truth is change is constant in life. You are either changing for worse or changing for better.
The problem thus is not change, the problem is unplanned change.
If you don’t plan change, you will be shortchanged.
If both of you do not plan change, you both will be short changed.
So as you are in a relationship or you are going into marriage both you and your partner must plan your positive change process…not the phrase…POSITIVE CHANGE
Positive Change is about both of you growing, it’s about both if you getting better every day. If you are the same way you were five years after you have married, then you are stagnant in your marriage. I do not say you should change for worse, what am saying is keep changing for better. If you were once loving, you must now be more loving, if you were kind before, you must be getting better at kindness. If you were sacrificial before, you must be more sacrificial. You relationship must be changing for better

Prov 4:18
8 But the path of the just is like the shining sun, That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. NKJV

The issue here is people don’t expect change.
They do not plan for change, Let alone plan for positive change.
And even most people resist change.
But change is constant. There is a nothing you can do about it. Everything in life is created to change that is why we have hope, things can always get better…Halleluyah
That is why you and your spouse must be divinely ordained by God, if not, both of you will change for worse and you won’t be compactible later on.
The other thing is if one of you is growing and changing for better and the other is not, then problem will arise later on. If you don’t grow together, you will grow apart.
Men must especially take note this: if you are improving in your career and your wife is not growing, she may soon become obsolete in your life, so unity demands both of you plan your growth in all aspects of your life.
Financially, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, physically, in all areas
Read books, attend trainings, go for workshops. Do it together. Ensure that you plan your change together that way you won’t be afraid of anything.
God bless you.

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

ANGER MANAGEMENT

God is in the business of perfecting every imperfection that is present in our lives. The question is will you take them to him

2 Cor 12:8-9
8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”

It’s often easier to see sins like adultery, fornication, stealing, lying and the rest as sins that we need deliverance from but more subtle issues like anger is often treated with levity, I believe this is why God has brought up this series to address a very silence and justifiable plague in our midst In GAL 5:19-21 “Outburst of wrath” was placed amongst more seemingly grievous sins like sorcery and murder, but one thing we must realize is that if the seed of anger is not dealt with, it will naturally lead to the blatant destructive sins.
I have come across a certain lady who basically went and commit adultery because she was angry with her husband. That led to the loss of her marriage and a child outside wed-luck.
Anger will destroy a man long before he realises it. So we must get our deliverance from it.

ANGER IS A SIN, IT NEEDS FORGIVENESS
Like every sin, we must acknowledge anger as a something that can steal away the presence of God from us. Since sin takes us far from God, the enemy uses the works of the flesh to kill us (separate us from God who is our life). His mission is to steal, kill and destroy. One of his tactics is to get us into rage and cause us to be provoked so that he can damage things in our lives and eventually damage our very lives. We must thus immediately return back to God, acknowledge our faults, ask for his cleansing, receive his forgiveness and return back into fellowship with him.
We must be wary of anger , never excuse it, never allow it and if it slips in, chase it out.

ANGER IS A STRONGHOLD, IT NEEDS TO BE PULLED DOWN
Because anger is an emotion, it has formed in us over time and it has become a dysfunctional way of us responding to situations. It has become a dent in your soul that needs to be repaired; anger has become a deep trunk that needs to be uprooted. Just like every works of the flesh, they have their root in the dark side of our souls and their fruits or works in your flesh. We must get rid of these roots by praying them out Pulling down every stronghold, thoughts and imaginations that exalts themselves against the knowledge of God.

ANGER IS A DISEASE, IT NEEDS HEALING
Anger is both a malfunction and an infection.it must be treated as such. That is why we must go to the great physician and present ourselves as a sick patient for him to cure us of our soul diseases. Every time God forgives us, he also goes ahead to heal us. We see this in 2 Chron 7:14 …and will forgive their sin and heal their land. But that is after “My people who are called by My name has humbled themselves, pray and seek My face, and turned from their wicked ways.
So it is important we pray for healing from this defect in our souls. This will go also for all the others works of the flesh or issues that we have in our souls

ANGER IS A SPIRIT, IT NEEDS TO BE CASTED OUT
IF God has not given us the spirit of fear, then he hasn’t given us the spirit of anger either, the spirit that God gives is patient, meek, long suffering, kind and peaceful.
This is especially so when you realize that you get angry unnecessarily for things that shouldn’t even get you angry. You just realize that you are enraged and you totally lose your cool with the slightest offense against you, it is most likely a ‘spirit entity”, a wrong spirit personality in you causing that anger, so you must bind it and cast it out in the name of Jesus. I have counseled someone before who after praying some liberation prayers saw this little demonic entity in his dream spewing out curse words and reactions that he would normally think it’s just his feeling. That was when he knew that what is making him angry is not just his emotions, but spirit entities that wants him destroyed.

ANGER IS A WEAKNESS, YOU NEED THE STRENGHT OF GOD TO VERCOME IT
The power of God is the ultimate solution to every weakness of man and that is gotten in the place of word and prayer. As you hear his word, you take it to him in prayer for him to actualize what he has said in your life. when Paul prayed concerning this thorn in his flesh God told him directly “my grace Is sufficient for you, if you co-operate with me, my strength will perfect your weaknesses, God was telling him, if you depend on me , I will see you overcome this weakness in your soul.
So we have seen that anger is a sin, it needs forgiveness. It is a stronghold, it needs pulling down. it is a sickness, it needs healing. it is a sprit that must be cast out. It is a weakness, you need grace for it.

CONFESS THIS
Lord I receive deliverance from the anger in my soul and I receive the spirit of meekness, calmness and gentleness is Jesus name.

PRAY THIS
Lord I receive forgiveness for my sins of anger in Jesus name, I pull down every stronghold of anger in my life, I receive healing for the hurt in my soul, I bind and cast out every spirit of anger and receive strength to overcome every weakness that causes anger in my soul in Jesus name.

DO THIS
It’s recommended that you actually go on a prayer and fasting for a couple of days and deal with different emotional issues the same way you deal with the emotion of anger

STUDY THIS
2 Cor 10:3-6

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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VICTIMS OF FURY

VICTIMS OF FURY
(PART 5 OF EMOTIONAL OUTBURST)

Anger is not just a wrong emotion, it’s dangerous sin.
“To underestimate anger as just a mere negative emotion that you think you have an option to deal with or not, is like playing with a pet lion and thinking because you are its owner you are safe”.
That pet lion might be small now but when it is fully grown it can prey on you, if you don’t pray to God to take away that anger, the devil might use it to prey on you, so be careful.
What would you do if you found out someone murdered the love of your life, your spouse, your future husband or wife to be, or one of your family members? How would you feel, do you know how much of trouble the person will be in, since if caught, he will definitely face the wrath of the law. He will most likely face life imprisonment.
So back to us, do you know that this is exactly what we do every time we get angry carelessly
Hear what Jesus said in Matthew 5:21-22

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘you shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’
22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother,’Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. NKJV

As much as we are under the grace dispensation and Jesus’ blood is flowing to cleanse us from our sins, the level of purity expected of us is so high that just being angry is like murder to God. The same judgment of murder is being met out for someone who gets angry without a good reason. When I first studied this bible verse, I asked God, “Lord, so what is a good reason to be angry” the answer I got was “NONE’, none? Note that this is my personal revelation and it has helped me to check the poison of anger in my soul. Ever since, when I feel a bit of anger I tell myself, “I have no reason to be angry”. The question most people ask is “how then do I address issues if I don’t get angry?” The truth is that you need to address the issues not in anger, it is wisdom and that only comes in the place of peace. Anything that seeks to provoke you to anger wants to take you out of God’s presence. Anything that gives you a good reason to be angry, is giving you a good ground to be punished by the devil, so take caution! Don’t explain your anger off as just a mere emotion that you might deal with if you want. Deal with it like a virus that wants to destroy your destiny.
One of the catastrophes of anger is that it motivates destructive speeches, it makes you utter words that sow the wrong seeds into your future, it pushes you to make statements that can kill and destroy people. Yet if lose in your words, you can’t really claim to be a Christian, since blessed are the peace makers for they shall be called the sons of God.
The easiest way to know someone who is immature despite the amount of anointing he or she carries is by checking the presence or absence of peace. Since the presence of peace means wisdom, while the absence of peace means foolishness. Yet you can never overcome the enemy without peace.
‘The God of peace will crush the devil under your feet”
Moses fell flat for the danger of anger when the Israelites provoked him in Numbers 20:10-12 and he allowed their provocation and uttered the wrong words, cursing the people of God, God never let him loose on it. While he could ask for forgiveness for the Israelites, God considered him too compromised for him to be forgiven, although he made it to heaven , it took almost two thousand years later for him to make it to the promised land, when he appeared on the mount of transfiguration with Jesus.

“Anger will delay God’s mission for your life, if it doesn’t terminate it altogether, so be careful”

David almost lost his throne to anger, when Nabal provoked him to anger. Mind you, every one of this people seem to have a seemingly “good” reason to be angry and that is the trap of anger, anger gives you a seemingly “good” reason to hang yourself so watch it.
In Moses case, anger pushed him to make the wrong statement about God’s own people, and then he went on to disobey God’s instruction, instead of striking the rock once, he struck it two times.
In David’s case, anger made him swear in the name of the lord to take the lives of both the guilty and the innocent. Anger beclouded his eyes; he wanted to take vengeance by himself. Instead of him to see that “vengeance belongs unto the lord and he will take it” and to know that “No one can receive anything except he be given from above”. Anger reduced his intelligence quotient to thinking, “who is his fool that would talk to me like that” and “I will show him that no one can stop me from taking what I deserve”. Pride, frustration and self-justification fueled his anger and he got into motion to destroy all that belonged to Nabal alongside with him.
The brothers of Joseph were also victims of anger and so they were cursed by Jacob in Gen 49:5-7.

5 “Simeon and Levi are brothers; Instruments of cruelty are in their dwelling place. 6 Let not my soul enter their council; Let not my honor be united to their assembly; for in their anger they slew a man, and in their self-will they hamstrung an ox. 7 Cursed be their anger, for it is fierce; and their wrath, for it is cruel! I will divide them in Jacob and scatter them in Israel.

Now note all these people it all started with the tiny seed of self-Righteous anger, and once they permitted themselves the indulgence the seed of anger, they were at the risk of judgment.

CONFESS THIS
I refuse to be a victim to fury, I refuse to justify or allow this dangerous emotion in my life in Jesus name.

PRAY THIS
O lord, eliminate every spirit of anger from me in Jesus name

DO THIS
Apply all what has been said

STUDY THIS
I Samuel 25:2-35

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR COOL…

BEFORE YOU LOSE YOU COOL….

You can’t lose your temper and not lose your senses with it. Those who hold their peace are wise, so be wise.

Eccl 7:9
9 Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools. NKJV
Anger is a very tricky emotion, once you give it a foothold it will take over your world The greatest subtlety that makes anger thrive is the delusion that it can be excused. The mentality that I should get angry and it’s my right to get angry. Once you have this excuse, anger will fester in your life like a virus and will damage vital things in your life. Have you noticed that anger in itself never really changes anything except for worse, because whatever positive change you acquire through anger and strife will not only be temporary, it will also require constant outburst to maintain.
You got angry with her the last time not to repeat that mistake, and she did, now you are angrier that despite your last anger and warning, she or he still repeated the mistake. If you don’t stop that cycle of anger, it will hang you on a hanger.
It is foolishness to be angry over something that you can predict will get you angry.
Yet that is what happens all the time. Most of us know what gets us angry but because we think they are good enough reasons to be angry we permit the emotions of anger to reign. I mean, the moment you know something can provoke you, can’t you choose for it not to provoke you again. I mean why won’t you learnt from your last episode and choose that the next time this situation happens again, I will not react that way? That means you are growing. But the moment you permit the lie that anger is excusable, the moment you think it’s you right to be angry, you become irresponsible with your emotion.
Growth is the capacity to have a gradual improvement in every area of your, physically, spiritually and especially emotionally overtime, it is being better today than you were yesterday in each area of your life. Any growth that doesn’t include an improvement in your emotional response to situations and people is fake, since real growth is reflects majorly in our emotional responses.
The other delusion of anger is the excuse that other people makes us feel anger we noted yesterday that that is not true since we are responsible for how we respond to what people do to us.
To control anger you must understand it. And we will attempt to help us to appreciate it.
Anger is a habit formed from a wrong mind-set that we learn as we grew up. We saw people around us get ‘results’ through anger and we just simply copy them, our father will usually blow off the top of the roof when something goes wrong, now that you are a father, and you are almost blowing up the top of the head of your wife. That’s why it is unwise to defend an emotion you display, since you learnt it, you can unlearn it. It is not the best you can be, it’s just the best you presently know, so you can choose to Change. Whatever we learnt in the past can be unlearnt in the moment and overtime. But we must understand how to deal with this emotion.

Anger is a negative emotion whose attempt is to take control of a situation that is getting out of control. Anger operates from a perception of threat to our wellbeing. It actually originates from fear.
An angry person thus is a fearful person trying to fight his source of perceived danger.
Mind you, the danger is a perception. Not necessarily a reality. Most of what we are angry about are really due to how we think, not based on the situation itself. If not, why is it that what made you angry made others to laugh, sometimes what got us angry actually makes others to respond with compassion. That is why your anger is actually a sign of how ignorant you are. The wiser you are, the better you respond emotionally to situations. That is why anger still has its address in the bosom of a fool
Assumptions are the fuels of the fire of rage. Most angry people will assume the worse possible about people and situations. They are sure the person did what he did intentionally, they are sure the other person is trying to cheat them or take them for granted, they are sure she meant what she did not say, that the way he or she looks at them actually means something hidden. Angry people always have a reason to be angry and that is the problem. Until you change your mind-set and know that there is no good reason on earth to be angry you will still continue to struggle with anger.
As a matter of fact, anger is a fool’s easy way out of a simple situation that got complicated because of lack of wisdom on the fool’s part. The more wisdom you have the less angry you get. So next time you get angry, pause and ask yourself, what exactly is the truth about this situation, what is the best way to see this, what is the best response to that situation. That you are angry means you have wrong believes about that situation so take a moment and meditate, and do not just get angry, people who are thoughtful and prayerful will rarely be wrathful, and prayerful people will diffuse seemingly complicated situations with peace and everything gets settled amicable.

CONFESS THIS
I choose to live in peace with everyone and in every situation. At my home, workplace, on the road, everywhere I go to, peace reigns there in Jesus name.

PRAY THIS
Lord, I receive divine wisdom that makes me respond to situation with peace in Jesus name. I refuse to be a fool at any time, I am wise in Jesus name

DO THIS
Plan ahead never to get angry about any situation but f you find yourself in anger stop and think then pray about how you feel, tell God to take control of both your emotions and the situation.

STUDY THIS
PHILIP. 4:4-9

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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PASSIONATELY SANE

PASSIONATELY SANE

One thing you must understand about all our emotional desires and every attraction we feel and experience for people is that they are not out of control, they are not just erratic, they can be mastered, redirected and controlled. This will happen the moment you understand the dynamics of these emotions, how they originate and how they operate, you will be able to take charge of your desire by the power of the holy Spirit that is on the inside of you.

Ps 4:4
Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. NKJV

A word of caution here though, you must understand that the control of your emotional desires will not happen overnight, it won’t be instantaneous, since they were formed into such strong strongholds over many years, it will take you weeks and months to gain mastery, but you will experience daily improvements corresponding to the degree of personal investment you put into working on yourself.

The first thing you must do is:

Become aware of your internal emotional experiences on a regular basis.
The question here is “what am I feeling right now?” Or “What is the name of the emotion that I am feeling?”
Every emotion has a name and what they imply when you experience them.
Seven basic emotions include.
Anger, sadness, happiness, love, hatred, curiosity, fear
The emotion we are talking about here is that of love or attraction for something. We have tried to expansiate on this emotion previously so all we need to do is become aware and define them
The second question is; what is the object of this emotion and why?
Who am I targeting this emotion of affection towards and why?
Why this guy? Why this girl? Is there a reason why I like this person? Is it a character I saw or their appearance? Is it what they have or the way they do things?
Most of us are drawn by some certain attributes or qualities in people that we perceive will satisfy some certain deep needs on the inside of us, so the question is why do I love this particular person? The way you know this is that if that particular attribute is totally removed form that person, would you still be attracted towards them? If the answer is no! then you have nailed the sponsoring attribute that stimulated your desires in the first place, this is off course apart from the fact that you just have a need to be loved.
If your love for someone has a reason behind it, then what you are feeling is not true love, since if that person loses that quality you love will evaporate and true love never fails
Thirdly; What need in me are my hoping or anticipating they will satisfy.
Is it a need to be loved and accepted?
Is it a need to be cherished and cared for?
Is it just security that I am looking for?
Am I looking for survival?
Or is it my spiritual needs that this person is meeting?
Asking these questions opens your eyes and helps you to think about how you feel, so that you can take control of how you feel by the mind of Christ
Note: a need is not necessarily lacking in true love, but that need is secondary , instruction is primary

Fourthly, Is this person right for me? Should this person be the one to meet this need?
To answer this question you must understand what a God says about this desire that you have. Only someone that you intend to marry can you target some certain emotions towards, this leads us to the next question
What is God’s take about this person? Have i asked God about what he thinks about what am feeling.
Have I prayed about it or am just operating by my personal belief about this person?
The next thing is
Refuse to act out your emotions
Stop feeding your heart with anything that will stir up your emotions. Novels, movies, spending time fantasizing and imagining things
Redirect your emotions towards loving God.
Meditating on the word of God is very powerful in replacing wrong thought systems with the right thoughts that will generate the correct emotions on your inside,
Meditation involves searching suitable scriptures that is relevant to our thoughts and emotions and analyzing them with the aim to understand and internalize them, the more your thoughts are focused on the word of God, the more control you have over your emotions and thoughts.
Also remember telling God how you feel and calling him to help you control your emotions very key. Since the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man avails much
And remember, control is gradual, you didn’t get this way overnight, so it will require time and discipline to attain mastery. And if you fail, ask God for Grace and keep trying.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, thank you because your spirit helps me to be emotionally and passionately sane.

PRAY THIS
Lord I pray that you fill me up with your spirit of peace joy and wisdom to help me remain in you in every aspect of my life

DO THIS
Worship regularly to be filled by the spirit, focus on his spirit and your emotions will get under.

STUDY THIS
EPHESIANS 5:15-20

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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VIRGINS IN SODOM PT 2

There is no neutrality in relationships, you are either spreading light or spreading darkness, you are either showing righteousness or showing wickedness, by your relationships, you can either make the world a better place or leave it world a bitter place.
2 Peter 2:7-8
…and (God) delivered righteous Lot, who was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked 8 (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day by seeing and hearing their lawless deeds) —
There are two types of righteousness, the righteousness that is internal and the righteousness that shows. On one hand righteousness is your nature in God, you must know that this is regardless of your present behavior, right now you are righteous, either you still have some issues in your life you are dealing with or not (the same way the fact that a two year old boy barking doesn’t mean he is now a dog, barking doesn’t change his nature, he just needs to learn and improve his expression of that human nature),
…but on another hand, righteousness eventually must begin to flow through you, out to other people. You can’t just be operating a self-centered “I am righteous life’, it can’t be all enclosed in yourself alone and no one is exposed to the light you carry. it must begin to show in your actions, your communications, your decisions, your thoughts, your feelings, righteousness changes the way you go about everything because it God’s nature finding expression through you to others.
What am saying is, it’s easier for me to believe that you are a human being (and not a dog) when you actually are a speaking being, instead of barking at people.
The best form of righteousness is the righteousness that is coupled with Loveliness. What I mean is; the kind of righteousness that makes a world a better place. That is where “righteous Lot” missed it”
We explored a brief history of Lot yesterday and we saw how Lot moved with righteous Abraham and became righteous, but it then seem to me that the righteousness of Lot actually perished with him because he never made anyone else righteous again after him.
Lot choose to live in a land that is totally contradictory to his personal belief of what is right and wrong, it’s like a man living in a pigs pen and complaining on how dirty the pen and pigs are , yet he is building more rooms in the pen. How can you be righteous and still choose to live in an unrighteous environment, how can you be righteous and still choose to unequally yoke yourself in the wrong relationship, how can you be righteous and still have a group of wayward friends as your closest friends, one would have thought that maybe Lot had a good agenda of changing his friends in Sodom, maybe he would go to Sodom to change the place and make it a better place for all, but all he did was try to just barely survive, he was more concerned with receiving the acceptance and the accolade of Gomorrah people while getting oppressed and tormented daily by the depravity he saw and heard there.
I would have thought that he would start speaking and changing people, even if it is his family, but Lot’s righteousness was so restricted to him that even the daughters he trained as virgins, ended up sleeping with him –their own father, So much for training virgin girls in a depraved land.
A crucial lesson here: Not doing something wrong physically is not enough; your mind must totally reject the same thing. If you permit within your heart what you do not want to see in your life, it’s like permitting a dog in your house yet you don’t want lice.
Lot protected his daughters from physically sleeping with men, but their minds already learnt all the wrong things. It’s a matter of time, whatever you permit in your mind you will practice in your life. So watch how you think and what you think.
It seem to me that the training of the daughters was not born out of an effort to love and make their lives better but to just protect his own personal ego, because the moment some visitors’ life got threatened, he was too ready to toss away the virginity and lives of his daughters just to protect his dignity.
Be careful, never place people above your family members, nor sacrifice your loved one’s life to gain the acceptance of others, it would back fire. A man who cannot care for his family is worse than an infidel-Yet these (infidel) men try to impress the world
Lot was a righteous man who died in “self-righteousness”, he never made his world a more righteous place. He never started any outreach to the Sodom people (Sodom reform dot org), he never attempted gathering groups of young people to try and help them change (Gomorrah youth refinement forum). He was so concerned with just himself and even his family wasn’t that important to him.
Lot lost everything because he lived a Loveless, self-centered, self-righteous life.
Jesus said, until your righteous exceed that of the Pharisees and the Sadducees you cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven.
What is the righteousness of the Pharisee and the Sadducee?
It is a righteous that is just about me and me alone. Once I make it to heaven then everybody else can go to hell.
Our relationship is a place where we go to make other people’s lives better not where we get to gratify our hidden selfish lusts. Most of us aren’t ready to do what it takes to help the other person become their best; we are just going into relationship to have fun. For your relationship to really be fun, you have to work at it. If you are not deliberate about impacting each other with righteousness, you will both end up with wickedness, if both of you don’t choose to help each other grow, you may both soon groan.
The other thing is, your relationship is not to just make you comfortable and proud about how rich and handsome your man is or how beautiful and intelligent your lady is, it is more than that, it’s beyond romantic experiences, you must be fruitful and you must actually together change your world and impact people’s lives with your righteousness. Ask yourself, would the world be a better place because of my relationship or marriage or would it become worse? Some men can’t even make their home a better place. They have turned their house to a war zone. They can’t even make peace and joy reign within the walls of their house and they discuss world peace on newspaper stands. A woman can’t even keep her family in a joyful atmosphere and she complains about how the first lady is not doing her job well, if you took care of your home environment, most children wouldn’t even notice they have a bad president.
You are the light of the world, no man light a candle and put it under a bushel, but places it on a stand for all to see.
If you are ashamed to stand for what is right you may soon be shamed. If you refuse to help others stand, you may soon fall yourself. I tell people, you are not safe in a world you are not helping to transform. One of the reasons why we must do our relationship rightly is; other people’s peace and joy depends on us.

CONFESS THIS
I am the light of the world. I am the salt of the earth. My spouse and I are blessing to my world. The lives of men and women get better because of my marriage and relationship

PRAY THIS
Lord, empower me to make my world a better place, and let my righteousness show to the world, let it change my world in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Sit down and plan how to change your relationship dynamics in such a way that you would start impacting your world for good. Focus more on giving than just taking. Find ways to make your partner a better person.

STUDY THIS

Math 5:13-16

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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VIRGINS IN SODOM

VIRGINS IN SODOM
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A relationship that is not on a mission will end up in confusion, if it doesn’t take you to a great destination, then it is a great distraction.

Gen 19:8
8 See now, I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish… NKJV
Lot, Abraham’s cousin in the bible is one of the most interesting characters I have come across. And there are a couple of lessons we can learn from him to help our relationship lives.
Lot made a couple of right decisions, for example, the decision to follow Abraham was a smart one because, even though God told Abraham to get out of his father’s land and to get out of his family, Abraham sentimentally brought his father and his cousin along: Our first lesson-you don’t run relationship by sentiment, you run it by discernment. Sentiment has led more people into issues than their discernment can eventually get them out of, so be careful.
These two people caused delay and conflicts for Abraham, e.g. until his father died, he couldn’t be advanced forward and until lot separated from him, he was struggling on a spot. Your relationships will either be an addition or a subtraction from your life, they will either be a blessing or a curse, choose.
Despite this, lots association with Abraham benefited Lot to some extent since without Abraham he would have been lost in his pagan life, and he would never have been made righteous nor be able to partake in the faith of Abraham,.
2 Peter 2:7-8
7 and delivered righteous Lot, who was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked 8 (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day by seeing and hearing their lawless deeds) —
One of the beauty of association or being in a relationship with the right person is you start becoming righteous yourself. You can’t be close to fire and not smell flames. He that walks with the wise will be wise and the companion of a fool shall be destroyed.
But great associations only benefits you as long as you subject yourself to the influence of the good person, if you don’t take personal responsibility to actually improve yourself, you will not just remain the same, you may start dragging down the person involved.

If you don’t choose to change and become better in that relationship, you soon make the person to become bitter with you.
Just as lot eventually started becoming a source of great concern to Abraham, eventually both of them went their ways. Abraham had to take that bold decision as said “cousin lot, it’s time for us to separate, if you go right, I will go left, if you choose north, I will go south, if you go to heaven. Then…God help us”
Some people either walk out of your life for you to advance, or you have to walk out of their lives.
You must not be afraid to lose some kind of friends, since what you lose sometimes determines you future gain. If you don’t let some people go, you may never go forward.
Don’t attach sentiment with regressive relationships, they might be families but they can’t be your friends. Friends are people who will determine your ends, if you don’t want to share in their ends then they can’t be your friends.
After Lot separated from Abraham he chose the watery plains of Sodom and Gomorrah to pitch his tent. Now this is the great mistake of Lots life.
The greatest mistakes of your life will be any mistake that will corrupt the relationships in your life. Any work you are doing that doesn’t nurture your relationship but constantly starves your relationship the required nutrient that it requires is not good for you.
Any job that robs you your time with family, any promotion that threatens the peace and joy you and your spouse once use to experience, any extra pay that instigate conflict in your relationship and marriage is not worth it, if it doesn’t foster your relationship then it is not a promotion, it is a demotion, because in the long run, the greatest asset in your life are not things but people.
We see lot moved into a land of ‘opportunities’ without consideration for the health of his future family. He made a monetarily profitable move but that will ensure family losses. his decision was going to cause him his marriage and his children, since his wife turned into A pillar of salt and his virgin daughters were going to be offered to a sexually hungry mob.
The issue here is Lot has his priorities wrong, he placed reputation and profit high than his family, how can you value visitors more than your own children, I don’t buy the argument that Brother Lot knew they were angels, if he knew they were angels then he would have prayed to the angels to help him instead of offer to give up his virgin daughters in a fleshly effort to save his face. It was obvious the offer he made was wrong because the angels immediately interfered.
Imagine if you were one of the daughters of daddy Lot and you have been trained a virgin all your life, kept and protected from all the vices of the land, kept from wrong relationships only for your father to offer to give you up to a sexually hungry mob as a first sexual encounter, your own ‘honeymoon’-your heart will break. It goes a long way to show us the priorities of lot, as against the priorities of Abraham, God said of him in Gen 18:19-20…For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.” 20 And the Lord said, “Because the outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grave…
My next question is, how can Sodom be that sinfully grave when a righteous man like righteous man Lot was present there?

VIRGINS IN SODOM continues

CONFESS THIS
I walk in the counsel of the godly, I stand in the path of the righteous, and I sit in the seat of the wise.

PRAY THIS
Lord, take me out of any wrong company that will end me up with the ultimate losses

DO THIS
Deliberately begin to identify wrong people in your life and pluck yourself out of their grip
.

STUDY THIS
Psalm 1v1-end

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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WHEN TO SAY NO TO LOVE!

WHEN TO SAY NO TO LOVE!

saying-no
Wisdom often requires the ability to know when best anything worthwhile is worth doing, but most people often lack this kind of relationship wisdom. Do it before its time and it is a disaster, do it after its time and it is most likely a mess.

Then Jesus said to them, “My time has not yet come…” John 7:6

Some couples of years ago while teaching some teenagers about relationship; I was shocked to hear that most of them have been into at least one relationship and some are even in relationships as at that time. They all believed they were ready for relationship. Here was I who was almost double the age of the least of them and I felt totally unprepared for love. I tried questioning them about their motive for relationship and if they think they were ready, their answers blew me away. How can these “kids” who do not even have a basic understanding of what life is about venture into a serious matter like ‘Love’. That was a couple of years ago. The situation is even worse now. Literarily, children of not less than ten years old I discovered are already even sexually active, it is amazing.
It’s easy to see how these ‘kids’ are totally unprepared for relationship and love, they can claim to be in love, but even we will laugh at their naivety or shear ignorance. What about children in adult skin? What about those of us that even though we have height but lack depth, even though we have fat accounts but thin accountability, even though we look good outwardly but inwardly we are a ‘ugly’ sight. The problem has never been that we are not equipped at a certain time for love, (Everyone at a certain point will be totally ill equipped for love) the problem is that we are totally ignorant of the fact that we are not yet equipped. We think because we ‘feel it’ that we ‘have it’, we believe that because have ‘grown in size’, we have actually “grown in our minds”. Many times I see mothers ‘breeding’ children that they are really not matured more than. The truth is they are not qualified to be ‘mothering’ these children, because they lack the basic quality that makes for life and love for their children. That someone can procreate doesn’t mean the person is qualified to be a father or a mother. Any fool can sleep with a prostitute and produce an offspring from her, but it takes total responsibility mentality to spring up into a total commitment to love and be ready for the result that love produces.
I will just mention a couple of times when we should say no to love.
WHEN YOU HAVEN’T DISCOVERED YOUR IDENTITY
How can you desire someone to love you when you don’t even know ‘you’? How can you give someone the herculean task of being in a relationship with someone who does not ‘exist’ yet in his or her mind? The term used for ‘sex’ in the bible is ‘to know’. The word used in “and Adam ‘knew’ his wife”. These goes beyond just appreciating her physically or having pleasure with her body. It is knowledge about someone that only comes through such intercourse, this word ‘to know’ describes for us the purpose and method of love. The purpose of love is to ‘know’ and the method of love is ‘by knowing’. When knowledge is absent, love can’t be present. So don’t claim to be in love with whom you don’t know, neither claim to love someone you haven’t totally reveal yourself to. If you haven’t discovered yourself, you cannot reveal yourself.
WHEN YOU AREN’T READY FOR THE COMMITMENT OF LOVE
I often ask people who claim to be in love and wants to be in a relationship instantly: “Are you ready to marry this person and be totally committed to them for life in the next six to twelve months” they often look at me dazed and say something like ‘off course not’’, then I reply them “then you are not ready for love”. The truth is: once the journey of love begins the end is determined, it either leads to a joyful matrimony or a tearful ‘disharmony’. If you don’t deliberately choose to determine the end of your relationship from the beginning, it will lead the two of you off track and you will end up in heart breaks. There is nothing like ‘let’s just see how it goes’ when you start a relationship, let me let you know where it will go ‘inside the lagoon”. The purpose of courtship is marriage, no matter how modernized we want to make it, once you don’t move towards marriage, you are moving towards disastrous mileage
WHEN YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE RESULTS OF LOVE
Linked to the above is also the commitment to the results of love, are you ready for the children that ‘affair’ will bring, are you ready to care for this person the rest of your life? Are you ready to be financially responsible for this person all your life? Are you ready to carry his baby? Are you ready to be the shoulder he or she will cry on? Are you ready to be the person to cheer this person on all his or her life? Are you ready to go through the thick and thin with him or her? Are you committed to his or her vision for life? Have you decided that you want to share all of his her vision? Are you really ready for the results of this love affair? If you are not ready, please be honest enough to go back to the ‘school of love’.
WHEN YOU HAVEN’T DEVELOPED THE CHARCTER OF A LOVER
The way you are right now, would you love to be in a relationship with you? If the answer to this question is No! Then you are not ready for love. How can you even want someone to love you when you don’t love the way you are? You know the reason many do not love themselves is because they have not developed themselves. They lack love character. When I was a teenager I knew I was totally unprepared for love. I was at least wise enough to know this fact, so it kept me away from wrong relationships despite peer pressures and hormonal motivations to do so. I mean I was fully aware of all my inadequacies and flaws. I knew I was a disaster to any lady at that time if I should venture into any love affair with any one of them, but now I am very different because I decided I wanted to be the best husband my wife in the future would have, I have loaded myself with treasures that my sweet heart treasures. I am not advocating that you must be ‘perfect’ to be in love, but you must at least have basic Love character qualities that will make life happy and prosperous for the other person. If you are given to destructive characters like anger, selfishness, arrogance, unfaithfulness then work on yourself before bombarding heaven for your life partner.
Welcome back to your relationship daily devotional. Hope you had a wonderful Easter last week. WE CONTINUE TOMMOROW
CONFESS THIS
I receive the wisdom of the right timing for relationship in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, “help me to be patient and to be prepared for my time to venture into your ordained relationship in Jesus name

DO THIS
Keep studying and developing the right love characters

STUDY THIS
I Corinthians 13

Yours in LOVE
PST AYO GARUBA

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WHY BAD PEOPLE END UP WITH GOOD SPOUSES

WHY BAD PEOPLE GET GOOD SPOUSES!

Tiffany_Girls_Generation_devoted_Christian_girl

There are many people whose fears have prevented them from hoping for the best in their future, their reasoning is like this: Why do good people fall into bad relationships, and why do some bad people get into good hands? The truth is life is complex and doesn’t always follow the obvious rule of life that we know, but you must understand that every effect you see in life, has a root cause somewhere. you cannot not just fall into a good hands or get into a bad hands by co-incidence, there is something you must do right to get into good hands, and they are things you must do wrong to great into bad hands.

Ezek 18:21-23

21 “But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. 22 None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. NKJV

there are a lot of reasons why seemingly good people get bad spouses, but the first thing I will like to call your attention to is that ‘you may look good but are you really good?’ the truth is the goodness we are talking about that attracts favour has little to do with just being nice and kind on the outside to people around you, being good has everything to do with having God in your life and your attitude towards him. It is possible to appear like you are decent and all, but have a very stubborn heart that is rebellious, “Man looks at the appearances while God looks at the heart”, while we cannot relegate Christianity to just “my Christianity it is in my heart and only God knows those who are serving him” we must actually understand, that ‘Christianity begins from the heart and long before people can see the humility and sincerity of people, God already foresee it and he is already rewarding them.

“Esau I hate, but Jacob I love” was based on this premise where God saw their heart and responded to who they were on the inside. Even though Esau looked more responsible, unlike his brother Jacob who seem to sit and loaf around at home; God already saw their hearts and knew that, Jacob had a sincere and humble heart that seeks after God. UNLIKE Esau who was religious but was ‘profane’ in his heart. Your goodness has nothing to do with just your outward behavior it has everything to do with receiving God’s goodness into your life and taking him seriously. If you make God your priority and his will for your life in marriage, you will have favour that other men never think you deserve.

So being good is about being a man after God’s own heart. David was as bad as bad could get but experienced favour in marriage.

We see this type of incidence of people we consider ‘bad’ where some of them seem to end up in the right marriages. The first thing I like to say here is “how do you measure good marriage?”, that the person married a beautiful wife doesn’t mean they are in a beautiful marriage. That the bad girl married a handsomely rich husband doesn’t mean that they are in a handsome marriage. You do not know there hidden issues, if she is truly bad and he is truly wicked, then you do not expect good things to come out of their union but then it takes us to the definition of ‘bad’. Like I said earlier; a man and woman without Christ is poor in life, good behavior is not enough, Christ in you is what makes you good. So even if this person has done a lot of bad things in the past and she gave her life to Christ and she gets serious with God in her heart (key word here is ‘get serious’ ) , and she begins to thread the path of God’s grace. The mercy of God will review her past and if she obeys what God tells her about her marital future, he or she will end up in a great marriage. The most important factor that determines marital destiny is following God’s instruction into marriage and not your own mind, this is the mother of all marital favors.

Another thing you must note here is that there are times when God breaks some rules because of things we do not know. Destiny may require that God intervene in some people’s marriages because of the future he has envisioned for them I know of some very great ministers of God who married right but were not born again when they married, that was the sovereign mercy of God at work in their lives. God’s intervention is very powerful, this should bring hope to our hearts. We do not always reap what we sow, but if you refuse to sow, you may not reap anything. If after you have heard the truth you still continue in your ‘bad’ ways, we cannot claim ignorance any more, God may have to teach you a couple of lessons by allowing you to taste the bitter fruit of what you are sowing. That is why you don’t judge yourself by your past, you judge yourself by your present decision and response to what God is saying to you now. It doesn’t matter what you have done in the past if you just make a decision to follow God from now on and do things right, you will have a new beginning. It is wisdom that separates good people from bad people. Abigail was a good woman who ended up with a bad man but God eventually rearranged her path legally to marry the right man for her, (now this is not implying we should start praying for God to kill the bad spouse that we have, Abigail never did that.) but if you stay faithful to God and to your spouse, He will recompense you and make your marriage to work.

having a good outward appearance and behavior is therefore not enough, you must be wise. I am not talking about worldly smartness, who pretends they are good and they go to church to pick the seeming virgin whose voice sounds like a nightingale from the pulpit, only for them to marry and realize the girl is a ‘night witch’ who screeches at night, what am talking about is the wisdom mentioned in James 3:17-18 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. NKJV A good person is thus a man of God’s wisdom, a man or woman who loves God and follows God, a good person who will obtain favour is a person who has made peace with God and is humble enough to be foolish to do whatever he says, he is not hypocritical, so it’s not just about her dressing and her outlook, it has everything to do with her devotional relationship with God. if a person’s heart is totally sold out to God, that person cannot make marital mistakes. but if we go to church and are rebellious, we end up lacking favor upon our lives. So why do bad people get good spouse, because they became repentant enough to submit their lives to God and do his will for their lives. it is better to be ‘bad’ trying to follow God than to be good doing your own thing, so follow God and a great life will follow you. Remain blessed.

CONFESS THIS

I am submissive to your plan and purpose for my life and I do not do my own thing but I follow you in humility in Jesus name.

 

PRAY THIS

Lord, I receive the grace to make the right decision and not follow my own righteousness in Jesus name

 

DO THIS

Take an inventory of your relationship with God, and start cultivating the right heart

 

STUDY THIS

EZE 18:19-32

 

 

 

 

Yours in LOVE

PST AYO GARUBA

 

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