YOUR PAST AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY
Many people’s insecurity starts a long time before they entered into relationship, and it begins to manifest within the relationship
…There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” NKJV
For example: the observation of constant failures in different relationships in around people is enough to cause an unsecured state in the heart of most people. What we see in the news or hear from our neighbours are so unsettling that without revelational truth from the word of God, people will perish out of the fear of what they have heard.
If my parents were divorced for whatever reason, it’s almost natural that I will feel unsecured and wonder if I will have a stable marriage. Observations of family members and failure in society’s marriages can culture such viruses of insecurity.
If a girl sees how guys dumb girls, she may be inclined to start distrusting men generally, and even when her emotions compels her into a relationship with one, she still have a state of mind that is wondering, ‘will he not be like the other guys I had seen?’.
Insecurity is worse when we have had a personal history of heartbreak from past relationships that had an unfortunate or tragic ending. You can imagine the person will carry the scars of that experience and judge the next person in his or her life based on his or her past.
That is why one of the major things we do in a relationship is to create an environment where we help our spouses to heal from emotional scars from the past. Entering into relationship without acknowledging the possible insecurities and hurts our spouse may be bringing in, will make one ill-equipped to love that person properly.
If you are the one with this kind of insecurity then you must allow the word of God to heal you, you must spend time in God’s presence until you feel the healing balm of God’s anointing pour into your soul. But for now, you must realize that this insecurity is from your past, you must thus deal with it.
PAST PRESENT INSECURITY
I want to address a certain kind of insecurity that exists not from the past of an individual but from the past of the relationship they are in presently. It is hard to not feel unsecured in a relationship when one of them has been unfaithful or has betrayed the other before in a recent past.
For example, one of the partners dumped the other for another during the course of the relationship, but eventually returned, if it was the guy that did that, the lady may need several re-assurances from the guy that it will never happen again, if not she will keep asking herself “is he not going to dump me like this sometime in the future?”
If the lady had an affair with another guy during the course of the relationship but the guy decides to forgive her, he would always wonder, “would she not repeat this act again in the future?’
Insecurity would always create such tension in people that it would be either hard for them to enjoy the relationship or stay in it. You can’t fulfil the purpose for which your relationship was ordained by God fearing that your spouse may not be faithful to you in the future.
My counsel for the unsecured person is this. Decide if you have forgiven the person totally or not. If you find yourself unable to forgive the other person completely then you aren’t really ready for the success of that relationship. If God didn’t start the relationship, I will advise you quit it. It won’t profit you or the person
But there are times when you think you have forgiven the person but you still feel fear, then you and the other person must discuss the issue and get a solid re-assurance from your partner, let them make their stance clear about their commitment to you and the integrity of that relationship, it will allay your fears.
For the person who was the culprit of the betrayal he or she has to go the extra mile to actually allay the hidden or obvious fears of his or her spouse. You have to keep re-assuring them of your commitment verbally, telling him or her how that whatever happened in the past will never repeat itself again. But words are not just enough, you must actually been seen to have changed your attitude and behaviour in that relationship, you must go the extra mile to now be transparent, and show your faithfulness to the other person.
If the behaviour that transpired in the past still has it signs or symptoms in any way, there is no way the other person will feel safe.. for example if it is the guy in the relationship who left the girl in the past for another girl, then he must cut off totally from the other ladies who can possibly even be likely source of insecurity to their spouse, he must make a conscious effort to not be seen to have any appearance of relationship with any lady for that matter, otherwise, it may trigger the past and the lady in relationship with him, and she will feel fear.
We must help each other to be secured in our relationships. Ask yourself, am I making my partner secured? How am I re-assuring him or her? Am I just doing my own thing and assuming he or she should know I love him, he or she shouldn’t be afraid, when you are actually doing everything to make them afraid of their future with you.
Lord, your will is established in my relationship in jesus name
Lord heal me and my spouse from any hurt, betrayal and hidden fears in jesus name
Find out if there is any insecurity in your spouse and re-assure them of your commitment through your words of affirmation and your decisive actions to prove your love to them
Psm 103: 1-5
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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)
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