HELP! WHY AM I SO AFRAID IN MY RELATIONSHIP?
While insecurity can be rooted in one’s spouse and the situations surrounding one’s relationship. Many times insecurity is rooted in one’s self. It may be due to a couple of reasons. For instance, someone who lacks the skills necessary for a successful relationship may become keenly aware of their inadequacy that it becomes a cause of fear in their heart to running a successful relationship. They say to themselves…. “If I have so many weaknesses and flaws, how can I then have a successful relationship?”
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. 6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. NKJV
There are two groups of people in this category and each one of them will either cause insecurity in each other or will incite insecurity in others.
The over confidence and arrogant person who think they are so good and that they are not flawed. So when anything goes wrong, in their mind, it is always the other person that needs correction or growth. These people are pain in the neck in a relationship. One of the ways you know mature people in a relationship, is their willingness to admit it when they are wrong and yet not lose their self-esteem in the process, they know their growth is dependent in a constant development.
The other set of individuals that we are deliberating today are those who know they have flaws but they have allowed the realisation to incapacitate them. These other people are unsecured not because of their spouse, but because of themselves. What they see in themselves scare them and they wonder if anyone is safe in a relationship with them.
It’s like this
“I worry about others and my relationship because I worry about myself.”
“Will I be faithful to her? Will I be good enough to love her?”
These are the reasoning of an unsecured person
Someone told me,
“Sir I’m afraid, I don’t want to stop loving him, I am always wondering if I will change later towards him or not”.
This fear is rooted in self, lack of confidence in one’s ability and character. It is either due to the person not having matured enough and thus doesn’t have a tested character to handle the relationship or lack of insight into how to grow into what she desires, either ways it results in fear and anxiety over his or her performance in the future.
“I am an angry person; will I have a successful relationship?”
“I am an unfaithful person; will I not break his or her heart sooner or later?”
“I am careless in my speech; I don’t want to say the wrong things to hurt her”
“I am this and I am that…what should I do?”
Many times the real issue with the issues we have are the fears that they incite in us. The problem is not who you are now, but what you can be in the future. You became who you are, you can become a better person, and if you are willing to learn and grow you will be better. Relationship is a growth place, although you are aware of your faults and weaknesses but you know you will keep developing, you cannot permit fear to rob you of your relationship joy because you are still growing. You must operate by faith.
Every God ordained relationship must be operated by faith and not fear, you can’t work by sight or by just mere feelings, you can’t just be judging yourself by who you are now and what you are on the outside, you must look at yourself from the perspective of what God says about you. You must believe the best about yourself and keep improving form there.
God is with you; once you are willing to grow you should feel secured that all will be well.
You must know “he that has begun a good work in you is faithful and able to complete it’ You didn’t start yourself, so you won’t need to finish yourself.
You are not alone, God is with you.
It is he that works in you both to will and to do of his great pleasures.
God has a way of making all grace to abound towards you so that you can be equipped in all good works and lacking nothing in what you need for life and godliness,
It is only our confidence in God to keep us in our relationships, not our confidence in ourselves.
When you have confidence in him for yourself, then he will develop you and help you to become all that you ought to be.
“As many as believe he gave them power to become…”
Power to ‘become’ the right person in that relationship comes from God, not from you. You must look to him and not to yourself. So don’t rob yourself of the peace and joy of your relationship, just relax into his hands and let him take control of your life.
TO BE CONTINUED
Lord I thank you because I am growing in you daily and grace is made available to me for a successful relationship with my spouse ijn
Lord, build me up to become the perfectly right person for my spouse ijn
Have a plan of growth and development with your spouse. Never stop growing
Psm 1: 1 to end
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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)
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AYO GARUBA@ facebook
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