EMOTIONAL INSECURITY IN RELATIONSHIPS part 1
A major unspoken plague in the relationship life of so many people is what we call Emotional Insecurity. It plagues both those in relationship and those who aren’t in relationship yet, both married and unmarried.
This insecurity is fear motivated and it creates doubts and questions about one’s place in a relationship
Am I good enough for him or her? Will she or he stay with me no matter what? What if others take him or her away from me?
40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” NKJV
Insecurity can take any of the forms below…….
Insecurity is a mental state of not being secured, confident, peaceful or happy in a relationship. It’s a state of constant fear, anxiety, and worry about something about one’s relationship.
Most people are unsecured because of what they see as a potential threat in their spouse’s life and character as it related to their relationship, which will be a potential source of pain for them in the future.
The things they see pose a certain fear and anxiety in their hearts, what is supposed to make them feel loved makes them feel scared. They stop seeing their spouse as a source of joy but now a source of potential pain.
What they see might be real or imagined, it might be a personal issue or an incited issue, but whatever is the cause of this insecurity, one must admit its presence before it can be dealt with.
For example, If Gloria notices that her very handsome and rich fiancé is constantly getting unrestricted attention from others girls in a way that he is not even doing anything about it, It may not be his direct fault that others girls like him (and it may be), but it’s his responsibility to take a very clear stand on how he perceives these ladies who are trouping to him hereby causing his spouse to question her place in his life. He must re-assure her through his decisive actions and communication that he prioritizes her more than anyone in else in his life and that he will never allow anyone to stand between them.
The root of this type of insecurity is obviously the other person and it is therefore a VALID REASON to feel unsecured, it is not imagined insecurity, it is real. The only problem is how one then approaches such an issue in the relationship. Some will just simply lash out and get angry instead of pursue an amiable discussion with their spouse on the fears arising in their own heart about his disposition towards handling “oppositions” to her place in her relationship.
Many unsecured people often fight their spouse in a bid to save their relationship, here by losing what they are trying to save in the first place, so be careful, insecurity is call to action, not a reason for contentions. Anger is always a foolish response to situations, anger shows you lack wisdom, so hold you peace and get wisdom.
While insecurity may be caused by the disposition and character of one’s spouse, many times it is based on a prevailing situation in that relationship beyond one person’s control; and not caused by that person.
For example: Ade does not understand why Patricia her fiancée recently doesn’t have time for him, she has been busy with one thing or the other. Now she may have had a legitimate reason to be busy, maybe it’s because of the work nature at that time of the year or the pressures of pressing matters at that time, the situation can create insecurity in the guy who treasure the time spend with his spouse and he begins to wonder: “does this girl really loves me?”
There are three prong reasons why this insecurity may exist in this guy: First’ the situation beyond the lady’s control causes it. Secondly, the inability of the lady in concern to actually sincerely communicate herself and apologise to the guy that she knows what is happening and will get back to him immediately this season is over, lastly, the girl constantly remain oblivious of her lack of priority for her relationship
So we can see that insecurity can be caused by situations, lack of communication and even our actions or lack of it.
To deal with insecurity we must ask ourselves: Why do I feel unsecured in this relationship? What exactly am I afraid of? Why am I feeling so inadequate? Is it from me or my spouse, is it a temporary thing or it’s a continuous occurrence, is it lack of communication or wrong communication. Am I imaging things or they are actually real. When you know the root cause of your insecurity then you are on your way to finding a solution to it.
TO BE CONTINUED
My heart is secured in you. My soul is at rest in you in Jesus name and my relationship is establish in your love and peace
Lord, I get to the root of my insecurities and help me to deal with them in Jesus name. Every fear tormenting me in my relationship , Lord uproot them in Jesus name
Like it was said earlier, prayerfully do a soul search and get to the root cause of the insecurity you are feeling in your relationship.
Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)
For counseling and feedbacks
AYO GARUBA@ facebook
BB PIN: 2BC8AA56
PHONE NO: 081775547192