Monthly Archives: January 2015

HEART POINTS

1. Insecurity may be…real or imagined, it might be a personal issue or an incited issue, but whatever is the cause of this insecurity, one must admit its presence before it can be dealt with.

2. Many unsecured people often fight their spouse in a bid to save their relationship, here by losing what they are trying to save in the first place, so be careful

3. Entering into relationship without acknowledging the possible insecurities and hurts our spouse may be bringing in, will make one ill-equipped to love that person properly.

4. Insecurity is call to action, not a reason for contentions.

5. One of the ways you know mature people in a relationship, is their willingness to admit it when they are wrong and yet not lose their self-esteem in the process

6. For many…The problem is not who you are now, but what you can be in the future. You became who you are, you can become a better person…so stop feeling inadequate

7. Relationship is a growth place

8. “As many as believe he gave them power to become…” Power to ‘become’ the right person in that relationship comes from God, not from you.

9. Many people’s insecurity starts a long time before they entered into relationship,and it manifests within their relationship.

10. Insecurity is worse when we have had a personal history of heartbreak from past relationships that had an unfortunate or tragic ending.

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YOUR PAST AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY

YOUR PAST AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY

Many people’s insecurity starts a long time before they entered into relationship, and it begins to manifest within the relationship

Rev 21:4
…There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” NKJV

For example: the observation of constant failures in different relationships in around people is enough to cause an unsecured state in the heart of most people. What we see in the news or hear from our neighbours are so unsettling that without revelational truth from the word of God, people will perish out of the fear of what they have heard.

If my parents were divorced for whatever reason, it’s almost natural that I will feel unsecured and wonder if I will have a stable marriage. Observations of family members and failure in society’s marriages can culture such viruses of insecurity.

If a girl sees how guys dumb girls, she may be inclined to start distrusting men generally, and even when her emotions compels her into a relationship with one, she still have a state of mind that is wondering, ‘will he not be like the other guys I had seen?’.

Insecurity is worse when we have had a personal history of heartbreak from past relationships that had an unfortunate or tragic ending. You can imagine the person will carry the scars of that experience and judge the next person in his or her life based on his or her past.
That is why one of the major things we do in a relationship is to create an environment where we help our spouses to heal from emotional scars from the past. Entering into relationship without acknowledging the possible insecurities and hurts our spouse may be bringing in, will make one ill-equipped to love that person properly.

If you are the one with this kind of insecurity then you must allow the word of God to heal you, you must spend time in God’s presence until you feel the healing balm of God’s anointing pour into your soul. But for now, you must realize that this insecurity is from your past, you must thus deal with it.

PAST PRESENT INSECURITY
I want to address a certain kind of insecurity that exists not from the past of an individual but from the past of the relationship they are in presently. It is hard to not feel unsecured in a relationship when one of them has been unfaithful or has betrayed the other before in a recent past.

For example, one of the partners dumped the other for another during the course of the relationship, but eventually returned, if it was the guy that did that, the lady may need several re-assurances from the guy that it will never happen again, if not she will keep asking herself “is he not going to dump me like this sometime in the future?”

If the lady had an affair with another guy during the course of the relationship but the guy decides to forgive her, he would always wonder, “would she not repeat this act again in the future?’

Insecurity would always create such tension in people that it would be either hard for them to enjoy the relationship or stay in it. You can’t fulfil the purpose for which your relationship was ordained by God fearing that your spouse may not be faithful to you in the future.

My counsel for the unsecured person is this. Decide if you have forgiven the person totally or not. If you find yourself unable to forgive the other person completely then you aren’t really ready for the success of that relationship. If God didn’t start the relationship, I will advise you quit it. It won’t profit you or the person

But there are times when you think you have forgiven the person but you still feel fear, then you and the other person must discuss the issue and get a solid re-assurance from your partner, let them make their stance clear about their commitment to you and the integrity of that relationship, it will allay your fears.
For the person who was the culprit of the betrayal he or she has to go the extra mile to actually allay the hidden or obvious fears of his or her spouse. You have to keep re-assuring them of your commitment verbally, telling him or her how that whatever happened in the past will never repeat itself again. But words are not just enough, you must actually been seen to have changed your attitude and behaviour in that relationship, you must go the extra mile to now be transparent, and show your faithfulness to the other person.
If the behaviour that transpired in the past still has it signs or symptoms in any way, there is no way the other person will feel safe.. for example if it is the guy in the relationship who left the girl in the past for another girl, then he must cut off totally from the other ladies who can possibly even be likely source of insecurity to their spouse, he must make a conscious effort to not be seen to have any appearance of relationship with any lady for that matter, otherwise, it may trigger the past and the lady in relationship with him, and she will feel fear.

We must help each other to be secured in our relationships. Ask yourself, am I making my partner secured? How am I re-assuring him or her? Am I just doing my own thing and assuming he or she should know I love him, he or she shouldn’t be afraid, when you are actually doing everything to make them afraid of their future with you.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, your will is established in my relationship in jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord heal me and my spouse from any hurt, betrayal and hidden fears in jesus name

DO THIS
Find out if there is any insecurity in your spouse and re-assure them of your commitment through your words of affirmation and your decisive actions to prove your love to them

STUDY THIS
Psm 103: 1-5

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

For counseling and feedbacks
Contact me

AYO GARUBA@ facebook
BB PIN: 2BC8AA56
PHONE NO: 081775547192

HELP! WHY AM I SO AFRAID IN MY RELATIONSHIP?

HELP! WHY AM I SO AFRAID IN MY RELATIONSHIP?

While insecurity can be rooted in one’s spouse and the situations surrounding one’s relationship. Many times insecurity is rooted in one’s self. It may be due to a couple of reasons. For instance, someone who lacks the skills necessary for a successful relationship may become keenly aware of their inadequacy that it becomes a cause of fear in their heart to running a successful relationship. They say to themselves…. “If I have so many weaknesses and flaws, how can I then have a successful relationship?”

Ps 51:5-6
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. 6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. NKJV

There are two groups of people in this category and each one of them will either cause insecurity in each other or will incite insecurity in others.

The over confidence and arrogant person who think they are so good and that they are not flawed. So when anything goes wrong, in their mind, it is always the other person that needs correction or growth. These people are pain in the neck in a relationship. One of the ways you know mature people in a relationship, is their willingness to admit it when they are wrong and yet not lose their self-esteem in the process, they know their growth is dependent in a constant development.

The other set of individuals that we are deliberating today are those who know they have flaws but they have allowed the realisation to incapacitate them. These other people are unsecured not because of their spouse, but because of themselves. What they see in themselves scare them and they wonder if anyone is safe in a relationship with them.
It’s like this
“I worry about others and my relationship because I worry about myself.”
I wonder,
“Will I be faithful to her? Will I be good enough to love her?”

These are the reasoning of an unsecured person
Someone told me,
“Sir I’m afraid, I don’t want to stop loving him, I am always wondering if I will change later towards him or not”.

This fear is rooted in self, lack of confidence in one’s ability and character. It is either due to the person not having matured enough and thus doesn’t have a tested character to handle the relationship or lack of insight into how to grow into what she desires, either ways it results in fear and anxiety over his or her performance in the future.
“I am an angry person; will I have a successful relationship?”
“I am an unfaithful person; will I not break his or her heart sooner or later?”
“I am careless in my speech; I don’t want to say the wrong things to hurt her”
“I am this and I am that…what should I do?”

Many times the real issue with the issues we have are the fears that they incite in us. The problem is not who you are now, but what you can be in the future. You became who you are, you can become a better person, and if you are willing to learn and grow you will be better. Relationship is a growth place, although you are aware of your faults and weaknesses but you know you will keep developing, you cannot permit fear to rob you of your relationship joy because you are still growing. You must operate by faith.

Every God ordained relationship must be operated by faith and not fear, you can’t work by sight or by just mere feelings, you can’t just be judging yourself by who you are now and what you are on the outside, you must look at yourself from the perspective of what God says about you. You must believe the best about yourself and keep improving form there.
God is with you; once you are willing to grow you should feel secured that all will be well.

You must know “he that has begun a good work in you is faithful and able to complete it’ You didn’t start yourself, so you won’t need to finish yourself.
You are not alone, God is with you.
It is he that works in you both to will and to do of his great pleasures.
God has a way of making all grace to abound towards you so that you can be equipped in all good works and lacking nothing in what you need for life and godliness,

It is only our confidence in God to keep us in our relationships, not our confidence in ourselves.
When you have confidence in him for yourself, then he will develop you and help you to become all that you ought to be.
“As many as believe he gave them power to become…”

Power to ‘become’ the right person in that relationship comes from God, not from you. You must look to him and not to yourself. So don’t rob yourself of the peace and joy of your relationship, just relax into his hands and let him take control of your life.

TO BE CONTINUED

CONFESS THIS
Lord I thank you because I am growing in you daily and grace is made available to me for a successful relationship with my spouse ijn

PRAY THIS
Lord, build me up to become the perfectly right person for my spouse ijn

DO THIS
Have a plan of growth and development with your spouse. Never stop growing

STUDY THIS
Psm 1: 1 to end

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

For counseling and feedbacks
Contact me

AYO GARUBA@ facebook
BB PIN: 2BC8AA56
PHONE NO: 081775547192

EMOTIONAL INSECURITY IN RELATIONSHIPS

EMOTIONAL INSECURITY IN RELATIONSHIPS part 1

A major unspoken plague in the relationship life of so many people is what we call Emotional Insecurity. It plagues both those in relationship and those who aren’t in relationship yet, both married and unmarried.

This insecurity is fear motivated and it creates doubts and questions about one’s place in a relationship

Am I good enough for him or her? Will she or he stay with me no matter what? What if others take him or her away from me?

Mark 4:40
40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” NKJV

Insecurity can take any of the forms below…….

Real insecurity
Imagined insecurity
Personal insecurity
Incited insecurity

Insecurity is a mental state of not being secured, confident, peaceful or happy in a relationship. It’s a state of constant fear, anxiety, and worry about something about one’s relationship.
Most people are unsecured because of what they see as a potential threat in their spouse’s life and character as it related to their relationship, which will be a potential source of pain for them in the future.

The things they see pose a certain fear and anxiety in their hearts, what is supposed to make them feel loved makes them feel scared. They stop seeing their spouse as a source of joy but now a source of potential pain.
What they see might be real or imagined, it might be a personal issue or an incited issue, but whatever is the cause of this insecurity, one must admit its presence before it can be dealt with.

For example, If Gloria notices that her very handsome and rich fiancé is constantly getting unrestricted attention from others girls in a way that he is not even doing anything about it, It may not be his direct fault that others girls like him (and it may be), but it’s his responsibility to take a very clear stand on how he perceives these ladies who are trouping to him hereby causing his spouse to question her place in his life. He must re-assure her through his decisive actions and communication that he prioritizes her more than anyone in else in his life and that he will never allow anyone to stand between them.
The root of this type of insecurity is obviously the other person and it is therefore a VALID REASON to feel unsecured, it is not imagined insecurity, it is real. The only problem is how one then approaches such an issue in the relationship. Some will just simply lash out and get angry instead of pursue an amiable discussion with their spouse on the fears arising in their own heart about his disposition towards handling “oppositions” to her place in her relationship.

Many unsecured people often fight their spouse in a bid to save their relationship, here by losing what they are trying to save in the first place, so be careful, insecurity is call to action, not a reason for contentions. Anger is always a foolish response to situations, anger shows you lack wisdom, so hold you peace and get wisdom.

While insecurity may be caused by the disposition and character of one’s spouse, many times it is based on a prevailing situation in that relationship beyond one person’s control; and not caused by that person.

For example: Ade does not understand why Patricia her fiancée recently doesn’t have time for him, she has been busy with one thing or the other. Now she may have had a legitimate reason to be busy, maybe it’s because of the work nature at that time of the year or the pressures of pressing matters at that time, the situation can create insecurity in the guy who treasure the time spend with his spouse and he begins to wonder: “does this girl really loves me?”

There are three prong reasons why this insecurity may exist in this guy: First’ the situation beyond the lady’s control causes it. Secondly, the inability of the lady in concern to actually sincerely communicate herself and apologise to the guy that she knows what is happening and will get back to him immediately this season is over, lastly, the girl constantly remain oblivious of her lack of priority for her relationship
So we can see that insecurity can be caused by situations, lack of communication and even our actions or lack of it.

To deal with insecurity we must ask ourselves: Why do I feel unsecured in this relationship? What exactly am I afraid of? Why am I feeling so inadequate? Is it from me or my spouse, is it a temporary thing or it’s a continuous occurrence, is it lack of communication or wrong communication. Am I imaging things or they are actually real. When you know the root cause of your insecurity then you are on your way to finding a solution to it.

TO BE CONTINUED
CONFESS THIS
My heart is secured in you. My soul is at rest in you in Jesus name and my relationship is establish in your love and peace

PRAY THIS
Lord, I get to the root of my insecurities and help me to deal with them in Jesus name. Every fear tormenting me in my relationship , Lord uproot them in Jesus name

DO THIS
Like it was said earlier, prayerfully do a soul search and get to the root cause of the insecurity you are feeling in your relationship.

STUDY THIS
Psm 23:1-end

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

For counseling and feedbacks
Contact me

AYO GARUBA@ facebook
BB PIN: 2BC8AA56
PHONE NO: 081775547192

MARRIED BUT LIVING SINGLE

MARRIED BUT LIVING SINGLE

It’s possible to have something that you don’t own, and if you don’t own it, it will never satisfy you or give you joy

John 4:16-18
16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”NKJV

We met this Samaritan woman at a peculiar point in time where she came to satisfy her thirst with so called “living water”, it is interesting to note that the well is not just an ordinary well, it was the well of Jacob and both the Jews and the Samaritans (who are like mixed breed Jews) come there to take this ‘living water”.
In a short form, this water was supposed to improve their life or give them some certain type of satisfaction in a sort of super natural way, at least so it seems “because Jesus then said to her in John 4:13-15 Jesus answered,

“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. “NIV

It thus appears that the aim of people drinking the water was more than quenching their natural thirst , it was to quench their soul thirst, to quench their emotional thirst permanently, they were looking for a kind of fulfillment and satisfaction but it seems, as far as we know it , at least with this woman, that satisfaction eludes her, she keeps coming over and over again , which was the reason why she wanted the ‘Living water” in the first place, so that she won’t have to come back again, but so far so good, she has torn because she was still unfulfilled.

So Jesus offered to give what she has always wanted or needed
But first Jesus asked her for a drink, she went berserk, why?
“You can’t give what you don’t have”,
Can you compare her with Rebekah in the Old Testament, whom a stranger asked to give her water, she didn’t just give the man water, and she watered all his camel! Wow! Talk about overflowing satisfaction in a woman’s soul! But this Samaritan woman was different, she was so thirsty she makes other people miserable with her thirst.

So Jesus decided since she doesn’t have what she is looking for, he will help her, but not without connecting it with her most pressing need…a husband.
She has to come with HER HUSBAND to get the living river…this was where I got the shock of my life.

Jesus told the woman to go and bring her husband meaning she has a husband
Then the woman claimed she doesn’t have a husband and Jesus said she is correct

How?

Jesus then dropped the bomb shell,
You have a husband, in fact you have had husbands, but you have never had YOUR HUSBAND.

Then I noted what Jesus asked her to bring, not go and bring “A HUSBAND”, he said, go and bring “YOUR HUSBAND”
She told Jesus “truly I have a man who is filling the role of a husband right now, but really, he is not my husband
Lesson “you can have something and not own that thing”

The reason why you don’t own it is because it was never yours in the first place, it belongs to someone else, and if it belongs to someone else, it will never satisfy you, no matter how long you have it for

Woow!

Amazing, Jesus actually confirmed what she said

Can you imagine that: She has had five men in her life, these man has served different roles.

They served her emotional needs, some served her sexual needs, others sorted her financial needs, some were good companions, others enhanced her social status, she may even have a child or two with some of them, five of them in total and she has one presently at home, yet she has never has HER OWN HUSBAND

Imagine you are the man presently in her house, you think you have a wife, you pay her bills and even sleep with her, you parade her as your wife, and you may have even been with her for five years or ten, and you overheard her conversation with this Jewish prophet “I have no husband” :your wife says, and she is correct, what a tragedy!

YOU CAN BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE THAT IS NOT YOUR OWN

You can be dating someone that was never meant to be a part of your life
You can even fall in love with someone that is not supposed to be constructively a part of your destiny

You can permutate all manner of relationships, try to fit in people into your life, but if they are never meant to be yours, they will never fit in, they will never align, why? they were not designed to be yours and you were not designed to be theirs.

No wonder the woman was looking for “Living water” up and down, no wonder she was exchanging partners like sanitary pad, no wonder she was an unfulfilled woman, she was a disgruntled woman, she was a woman who hasn’t found her place. She hasn’t found her own place to be a woman.
we can argue this fact all we can, but the reality is this: there is a God ordained man or woman out there for you to marry at any specific point in time”, your discovery of that person is the foundation for a glorious relationship life and fulfilled destiny.

This revelation is new to me, but the lesson I had always known.

WHO ARE YOU WITH RIGHT NOW? Is she really yours? Is he really yours? You are constantly in a fight and disagreement; does that not tell you something? The fact that your plans and purpose never seem to align, does that not imply something somewhere is not right? She is spiritual, but is she yours? He is caring but is he yours? no matter how good someone is, if he is not yours, he will never be good enough for you.
Don’t look for a good wife or a good husband; look for your own husband, your own wife. Selah

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

For counseling and feedbacks