HOW TO KEEP CONFLICTS OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
There are already enough challenges in life for any two couples to now become a challenge to themselves; relationship should be a heaven where one is comforted from the challenges of life, not a hell where it increases.
1 Cor 12:12-13
12 For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ. NKJV
One of the major challenges of many of us singles is that we run relationship by other people’s experiences. We see our parents always in a fight and we believe it so normal and even expected, we see our friends in conflict almost all the times and we excuse it as a normal part of relationship.
I was talking to a friend some time ago who was trying to explain to me why his relationship is healthy, he said, “that they fight a lot in their relationship, and that any time they fight, they always settle it”: he was trying to let me know that the way he knows their relationship is healthy is the unending conflict that exist there.
In fact, there was a time when my sweet heart told someone that we rarely have arguments or active conflicts in our relationship and they were scared for her, they believed that it was pretense either on my part or on her part. What they did not realize was, we had made a very deliberate effort to ensure that ”potential conflicts do not become a fist fight or arguments”, we believe that every issue can be resolved with an expectation of peace. In fact most of the issues we had to resolve comes from outside the relationship not even within it, the only way this is possible is because ‘it takes two mature adults to run a conflict-free relationship”.
Bishop Oyedepo responded to a marriage counselor who was “cancelling” them, the man had told him and his spouse that there is no way they won’t step on each other’s toes in marriage”, then he answered him; ‘sir, if both of us are sitting in two different chairs, we will both have to be blind to step on each other’s toes’. In short he summarized, it takes two to fight, even if your spouse wants to bring up a conflict, wisdom demands that “ soft answer turneth away wrath”
Two people can’t air their opinion at the same time, so you must work towards peace at all times.
Many so called marriage counselors are actually :”cancel-lors”, who instead of instilling faith and confidence into couples for a successful marriage, scare them with the woes of their own personal marriage failures, so beware of them
Before we delve into “why conflicts happen” let me quickly address the issue of differences in nature and opinions of your mate further”
We have established: the differences in your relationship is not a curse, it’s a blessing, so stop letting the enemy deceive you
If you don’t want someone different from you then why don’t you marry yourself?
Let’s address how to eliminate conflict due to differences
1. we may disagree on an issue but we must look for a way to agree with each other. “things serve us we don’t serve things”, our relationship is more important than the issue at hand and our relationship must remain our priority. For example, no matter what issue we have with money, never compromise your relationship for disagreement over money, chose to agree with your spouse, sometimes you have to even let go of your personal preferences in this. This requires discipline and selfless ness
2. we are free to express differences in opinion and we must both understand that our differences are working together for our betterment so we must find a way to use your strength for the others weakness. Note that if both of you are the same in every way, then one of you is irrelevant in the relationship. SELAH.
So don’t marry him or her because you have a lot of things in common, marry him because God choose him for you
3. Differences doesn’t mean enmity, it means complementary. Differences thus is the reason why we are asked to work towards unity
4. Every issue in discuss has the best middle ground, look for it and both of you choose to compromise to stay there
5. it’s healthy to have a yardstick to judge every situation, so that both of you can be objective
a. it is not just about you it is about the two of you so you must always consider the other person as well as yourself or even more than yourself, the bible says ‘ we should prefer others to ourselves’ this is love.. if both of you consider the other better than yourselves, you will experience such joy and smoothness that you won’t believe it.
b. it is not just about the present moment, it is about the future, so make decisions that will be better in the long run for the two of you
c. many times, it is not about any of you, it’s about God’s will in that situation. So both of you must submit to what God is saying after you have prayed to know his will.
d. your relationship is always priority, any decision you want to make must better the relationship, not just you in person
e. if it is more important for the other person then you might have to let go. If the other person is happy then you will be happy in the long wrong
f. your decisions must serve the God given vision of your marriage or relationship, not just personal wants, if you don’t have a God given vision for your relationship then you will lack direction in making proper decisions.
We will continue tomorrow
Lord I receive wisdom to maintain peace in all my relationships, especially with my spouse
Lord help me to prefer my spouse to myself and kill every selfishness in me in Jesus name
Do the above suggestions
I cor 12; 12-26
Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)
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