IS CONFLICT A NORMAL PART OF RELATIONSHIPS?
What you expect as normal in your relationship becomes the norm you will experience in your relationship. If you expect conflict that’s what you get if you expect peace that’s what you will get.
18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. NKJV
Many of us have been indoctrinated with the ‘normal conflict principle’ in relationships, we have been told to expect conflicts, to prepare for conflicts and when there are no conflicts, you even create one…yes! Some people are so scared of lack of conflict that they will intentionally create conflict in their relationships in a bid to test their spouse or to prove to themselves that their relationship is healthy.
It’s amazing, can you imagine someone poisoning her child just to prove that her baby is healthy. I thought the sign that the baby is healthy is that he is not sick. But many people believe that if you want to know how healthy a person is, then inject them with a disease causing entity as to see how they react to it.
But is conflict normal in relationships?
What are conflicts?
Three dictionary definitions
-Friction or opposition resulting from actual or perceived differences or incompatibility
-A situation where it is difficult for two things to exist together at the same time or for two things to be true at the same time
-The feeling of nervousness, anxiety or unhappiness because two people want two different things at the same time.
The root of conflict is that we are two unique entities that may possess differences in beliefs, and expectations. We may differ in the way we respond to things and the way we relate with each other. So therefore there are abundance potentials for conflicts in a relationship.
But to then say because it is possible for a car to have an accident every time on the road then we must expect accidents. That one can fall sick at any time doesn’t imply that we should then expect to fall sick or consider sickness as normal.
“Potential for conflict doesn’t have to become real conflicts”
In fact conflict should be so strange to us that when it happens we should address it properly.
So conflicts shouldn’t be the norm in a relationship. It should be strange to the two of you. Both of you should be so wise and matured in the way you relate that it is rare for there to be a fledging conflict in that relationship.
“Any potential for conflict must be terminated before it even sees the light of day. Peace should be our normal expectation.”
Unity should be what is normal, so much that when you lack any peace at any point in time in your relationship then both of you should pursue and grab that peace back into your relationship.
As much as in your power, as much as possible, with all your strength, do all it takes to resolve any potential for conflicts and maintain a deep flourishing peace in your relationship
This is a totally different mindset from what is being generally taught, some people believe in confrontations and disagreements. They believe they have to oppose the other person until they get what they want from the other person. This is gross self-centeredness!
They assume you have to fight for what you want in your relationship or you won’t get it, but this concept of relationship will rob the two of you the joy and fulfilment of relationship. The truth is that the degree to which you manage and resolve potential conflicts in a relationship determines how blissful the relationship is going to be.
“If all your time in a relationship is used to settle conflicts then when do you have the time for joy and the pleasure of unity?”
I didn’t say their won’t be ‘potential conflicts’ but “real conflicts is a choice not a must”, you may disagree with your spouse on a matter, but you must understand that that is not a necessary reason for opposing one another, you must learn to have healthy differences in opinion, since both of you are different and unique at the same time, you must love and respect your individuality, don’t see yourselves as opponents because you are different, see yourselves as complement-helpers. That way when any discussion or situation arises that requires your attention; you will expect your unique perspectives to reflect in the final decision. So both of you can combine your perspectives and get a better result. If you were so perfect as a person you wouldn’t need a partner anyways, so you can’t be always right , any time a situation occurs you are at best 40percent correct, you spouse has a stake in your life, so you both must trust each other to contribute to one another.
I choose to be peaceable, agreeable and loving to my spouse. I expect the best of peace and joy in our relationship in Jesus name
Everything in me that loves strife and conflict, Lord pull them out in Jesus name. Give me the spirit of peace and unity in Jesus name.
Every time you feel the urge to resist, oppose and fight your spouse, calm down and pray for wisdom to discuss the matter peacefully. Praying always even ahead of tie for every situation is a powerful tool for peace
Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)
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AYO GARUBA@ facebook
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