NO STRINGS ATTACHED…REALLY?
If there are no strings attached why are you always looking forward to seeing this person?
If there are no strings attached why do you miss them when they are not around or they don’t call?
If there is no emotional strings between the two of you why does their words easily hurt you?
You say there are no strings attached but you felt good when they were with you the last time?
How else does strings get attached.
We mentioned previously that “Relationship is like a transaction between two people, who brings something to the table to exchange, the actual act of exchanging what they have to offer is done through an invisible bond or connection that exist within the two of them, between their two hearts”
We explored the invisible bond or strings yesterday, today I do like to help you to understand what forges this bond between people. We see this in the case of Jonathan and David
Jonathan was impressed or attracted by David: value people carry
There was proximity between them: closeness in space or mind
They spent time with each other: time spent together
There was communication between them: content of heart shared
Then love emotions begin to flow between them: Emotional flow
VALUE FORGES BOND
People are the carriers of values, I can describe values as qualities we see in people that we desire to enjoy in our lives. Every one of us often sees something desirable in others before we are attracted to them. It may be that we see that this person can meet a certain need in our lives. He can care for you, he can improve you, she can make you feel good about yourself. Anything people can do that is a sort of benefit to us is from the value that they carry. If you lack solid values you will become a source of problem for others. If you get attracted to wrong values or surface values. you will eventually lose the little value you have in yourself.
Are you going into that relationship to look for value or to add value, if you have no value to offer, you will end up making the other person to suffer, since it will be a parasitic relationship. It’s not enough to connect, what are you connecting to give to people.
CLOSENESS FORGE BONDS
The closer you are in place with people the more possibility of forming emotional connection, but what really binds people is not physical space, it is emotional or mental space, I can be in the same location with you and refuse to make my mental space available to you, but someone can be far from me and I have all my hearts with them. Where your treasure is that is where your heart will be, if I don’t see any value were i am, I may not offer my emotional space to you, once you are aware of this, you can work with people without bonding with them emotionally. You can create a solid emotional boundary to what parts of your thoughts and emotions you share with this person. You don’t allow people to bond with you recklessly and you don’ give your emotional space to people carelessly.
TIME THICKENS BOND
Either people carry value or not: either you want to share your mental space with them or not, the more time you spend together the more possibility of a certain connection with them you will have, the more reason you must consciously define every relationship in your life and plan ahead what aspect of your heart will be shared. If you are at work you share your intellect not your feelings, you are not being paid to share your feelings but your ideas. You don’t get unnecessarily emotional with people at work, you must be pragmatic, don’t come to work looking for love, leave that need at home with your spouse or with God (if that is your own spouse for now.) Time thickens bond and that is why when we leave a place after a long time we miss the people we left behind. Your neighbour is someone you will spend time of your life with, please be good to them. Time is very trickery because it will intensify whatever quality you bring into the relationship, if its good, time will make it compound In goodness, if it is wrong then disaster is waiting in ‘time; for the person. Time truly change things for the better or the worse depending on what you started with in the first place
COMMUNICATION IS THE LIFE OF CONNECTION
Communication is the way contents of our hearts flow between two people who are connected in a relationship. Communication is the transfer of values through action or words between two people who share their mental or emotional space and are spending time with each other.
Communication, if absent, will kill any connection that exist between you and someone, But if present, it will strengthen the connection. (You see how you started a relationship without knowing it, you talked too much)
To have healthy emotional connection with your spouse you must constantly communicate values that nurture the person: Kind words, gentle words, positive words and actions, encouraging words loving word are non-negotiated to forge a positive emotional connection.
\please never communicate anything that will hurt or poison your relationship in the name of honesty, if you don’t have any positive words to say to the person about a subject matter, simply kill the negative thought you have, and if you keep having negative thoughts about the person, then it’s time to turn to God‘s word to acquire solid values from the word of God.
This is not a reason to keep secrets from your past that will affect your present relationship. You must share that secret to bond emotionally with the person. Tomorrow we talk about barriers to emotional connection. Stay blessed.
.i receive grace to forge the right bonds in Jesus name. I am a carrier of values and graces for my future partner and people that are presently n my life in Jesus name
Lord, I receive grace to nurture my relationship with the right communication in Jesus name. I receive the power to build up my life partner
Since you now know the things that forges bonds between you and others, you have no more excuses for wrong strings attached to your life and you have no reason to succeed in the right relationships in your life. So use this knowledge to your advantage.
Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)
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