Monthly Archives: December 2014

WHY CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS

WHY CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Conflicts are signs of deep seated issues in a relationship, the more internal issues there are in a relationship, the more potential for external conflicts exist and if people do not understand how to recognize and resolved silent brewing issues in their relationships, it may blow up in their faces as a thriving conflict.
Prov 26:20-22
20 Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases. 21 As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife. NKJV

What many school of thought is teaching in our churches and popular books are conflict resolutions, what am advocating is conflict prevention. And this is very possible
.
Prov 17:14
The beginning of strife is like releasing water;
Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.
NKJV

The fact is that every conflict usually have a beginning, it is wisdom to identify such potential conflicts and nip them in the bud. when two people are in a conflict one or two of them are in foolishness. So we must choose the path of wisdom. There is nothing worthwhile to prove in a fight, if you don’t acquire wisdom to understand each other and the issue at hand, throw fist and shoot arrows of words all you can, it will only worsen problems , not resolve them.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY CONLFICTS HAPPEN IN A RELATIOSNHIP

1. WRONG PARTNERS
The greatest source of conflict in any relationship is that God is not the initiator of that relationship. Once the two of you enter by your own calculations, then you are in for possible contentions. If you didn’t hear from God in your relationship you will experience serious conflicts in your relationship. Since both of you will never be secured in that relationship. Its only when God is in the picture for the two of you that all goes well. There are issues that might want to occur if you choose by God’s direction, but it won’t overwhelm the two of you. Unlike if you choose naturally, you will get into all manner of conflicts over trivial matters. One serious sign you may not be meant for each other or that you choose the wrong person is that you are both always fighting. Think about it.

2. IMMATURITY
If you find yourself always throwing a tantrum at the slightest provocation in your relationship, it is obvious you are not matured or wise enough. Immature people are like children who are so selfish and self-centered, they want what they want and they want it their own way at the expense of the other person. You may be in the right relationship but be a wrong person because you are just simply too underdeveloped emotionally and intelligently to place your priorities right. Immature person is controlled by his or her emotions instead of him to control his emotions and address the issue at hand practically. The solution to immaturity is growth. You must study the word of God until you understand how to respond to every situation of life. Immaturity is simply lack of wisdom, so get wisdom

3. EXPECTING CONFLICTS
You must understand this one well, you don’t have to fight or raise your voice or get angry with your spouse to communicate with the person. With patience and prayer you can communicate important things to them and the holy spirit will help them to see it.

Prov 17:1-2
Better is a dry morsel with quietness,
Than a house full of feasting* with strife.
NKJV

If God expect us to be in strife he wouldn’t tell us to escape to the roof top than live with a contentious woman or man, the bible expects a quiet and conflict free home, not a war zone, so please ask for wisdom to have that kind of relationship and family. That anger can’t earn you anything good.

4. SELF CENTREDNESS
If it’s all about you and what you can get from the other person at any cost, the two of you will always be in a conflict. If you both prefer the other to yourself, there will never really be issues between the two of you. The bible is very clear on this matter.

Phil 2:3-4
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. NKJV

You simply have to put the other person first before you; relationship thrives of self-sacrifice not self-centeredness. If both of you look out for each other, you won’t have to worry about your personal needs being met, it will be met

TO BE CONTINUED
CONFESS THIS
O Lord, I choose a conflict free marriage in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, I declare peace into my relationship and my marriage in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Sit down and evaluate the real reasons why conflicts has existed in your relationship in the past and pray about them to make sure they don’t repeat itself again

STUDY THIS
Prov 21:16-22

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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HOW TO KEEP CONFLICTS OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO KEEP CONFLICTS OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

There are already enough challenges in life for any two couples to now become a challenge to themselves; relationship should be a heaven where one is comforted from the challenges of life, not a hell where it increases.

1 Cor 12:12-13
12 For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ. NKJV

One of the major challenges of many of us singles is that we run relationship by other people’s experiences. We see our parents always in a fight and we believe it so normal and even expected, we see our friends in conflict almost all the times and we excuse it as a normal part of relationship.

I was talking to a friend some time ago who was trying to explain to me why his relationship is healthy, he said, “that they fight a lot in their relationship, and that any time they fight, they always settle it”: he was trying to let me know that the way he knows their relationship is healthy is the unending conflict that exist there.

In fact, there was a time when my sweet heart told someone that we rarely have arguments or active conflicts in our relationship and they were scared for her, they believed that it was pretense either on my part or on her part. What they did not realize was, we had made a very deliberate effort to ensure that ”potential conflicts do not become a fist fight or arguments”, we believe that every issue can be resolved with an expectation of peace. In fact most of the issues we had to resolve comes from outside the relationship not even within it, the only way this is possible is because ‘it takes two mature adults to run a conflict-free relationship”.

Bishop Oyedepo responded to a marriage counselor who was “cancelling” them, the man had told him and his spouse that there is no way they won’t step on each other’s toes in marriage”, then he answered him; ‘sir, if both of us are sitting in two different chairs, we will both have to be blind to step on each other’s toes’. In short he summarized, it takes two to fight, even if your spouse wants to bring up a conflict, wisdom demands that “ soft answer turneth away wrath”

Two people can’t air their opinion at the same time, so you must work towards peace at all times.

Many so called marriage counselors are actually :”cancel-lors”, who instead of instilling faith and confidence into couples for a successful marriage, scare them with the woes of their own personal marriage failures, so beware of them

Before we delve into “why conflicts happen” let me quickly address the issue of differences in nature and opinions of your mate further”

We have established: the differences in your relationship is not a curse, it’s a blessing, so stop letting the enemy deceive you

If you don’t want someone different from you then why don’t you marry yourself?
Let’s address how to eliminate conflict due to differences

1. we may disagree on an issue but we must look for a way to agree with each other. “things serve us we don’t serve things”, our relationship is more important than the issue at hand and our relationship must remain our priority. For example, no matter what issue we have with money, never compromise your relationship for disagreement over money, chose to agree with your spouse, sometimes you have to even let go of your personal preferences in this. This requires discipline and selfless ness

2. we are free to express differences in opinion and we must both understand that our differences are working together for our betterment so we must find a way to use your strength for the others weakness. Note that if both of you are the same in every way, then one of you is irrelevant in the relationship. SELAH.
So don’t marry him or her because you have a lot of things in common, marry him because God choose him for you

3. Differences doesn’t mean enmity, it means complementary. Differences thus is the reason why we are asked to work towards unity

4. Every issue in discuss has the best middle ground, look for it and both of you choose to compromise to stay there

5. it’s healthy to have a yardstick to judge every situation, so that both of you can be objective

RECOMMENEDED YARDSTICKS

a. it is not just about you it is about the two of you so you must always consider the other person as well as yourself or even more than yourself, the bible says ‘ we should prefer others to ourselves’ this is love.. if both of you consider the other better than yourselves, you will experience such joy and smoothness that you won’t believe it.

b. it is not just about the present moment, it is about the future, so make decisions that will be better in the long run for the two of you

c. many times, it is not about any of you, it’s about God’s will in that situation. So both of you must submit to what God is saying after you have prayed to know his will.

d. your relationship is always priority, any decision you want to make must better the relationship, not just you in person

e. if it is more important for the other person then you might have to let go. If the other person is happy then you will be happy in the long wrong

f. your decisions must serve the God given vision of your marriage or relationship, not just personal wants, if you don’t have a God given vision for your relationship then you will lack direction in making proper decisions.
We will continue tomorrow

CONFESS THIS
Lord I receive wisdom to maintain peace in all my relationships, especially with my spouse

PRAY THIS
Lord help me to prefer my spouse to myself and kill every selfishness in me in Jesus name

DO THIS
Do the above suggestions

STUDY THIS
I cor 12; 12-26

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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IS CONFLICT A NORMAL PART OF RELATIONSHIPS

IS CONFLICT A NORMAL PART OF RELATIONSHIPS?

What you expect as normal in your relationship becomes the norm you will experience in your relationship. If you expect conflict that’s what you get if you expect peace that’s what you will get.

Rom 12:18
18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. NKJV

Many of us have been indoctrinated with the ‘normal conflict principle’ in relationships, we have been told to expect conflicts, to prepare for conflicts and when there are no conflicts, you even create one…yes! Some people are so scared of lack of conflict that they will intentionally create conflict in their relationships in a bid to test their spouse or to prove to themselves that their relationship is healthy.

It’s amazing, can you imagine someone poisoning her child just to prove that her baby is healthy. I thought the sign that the baby is healthy is that he is not sick. But many people believe that if you want to know how healthy a person is, then inject them with a disease causing entity as to see how they react to it.

But is conflict normal in relationships?

What are conflicts?

Three dictionary definitions

-Friction or opposition resulting from actual or perceived differences or incompatibility

-A situation where it is difficult for two things to exist together at the same time or for two things to be true at the same time

-The feeling of nervousness, anxiety or unhappiness because two people want two different things at the same time.

The root of conflict is that we are two unique entities that may possess differences in beliefs, and expectations. We may differ in the way we respond to things and the way we relate with each other. So therefore there are abundance potentials for conflicts in a relationship.
But to then say because it is possible for a car to have an accident every time on the road then we must expect accidents. That one can fall sick at any time doesn’t imply that we should then expect to fall sick or consider sickness as normal.
“Potential for conflict doesn’t have to become real conflicts”

In fact conflict should be so strange to us that when it happens we should address it properly.

So conflicts shouldn’t be the norm in a relationship. It should be strange to the two of you. Both of you should be so wise and matured in the way you relate that it is rare for there to be a fledging conflict in that relationship.

“Any potential for conflict must be terminated before it even sees the light of day. Peace should be our normal expectation.”

Unity should be what is normal, so much that when you lack any peace at any point in time in your relationship then both of you should pursue and grab that peace back into your relationship.
As much as in your power, as much as possible, with all your strength, do all it takes to resolve any potential for conflicts and maintain a deep flourishing peace in your relationship

This is a totally different mindset from what is being generally taught, some people believe in confrontations and disagreements. They believe they have to oppose the other person until they get what they want from the other person. This is gross self-centeredness!
They assume you have to fight for what you want in your relationship or you won’t get it, but this concept of relationship will rob the two of you the joy and fulfilment of relationship. The truth is that the degree to which you manage and resolve potential conflicts in a relationship determines how blissful the relationship is going to be.

“If all your time in a relationship is used to settle conflicts then when do you have the time for joy and the pleasure of unity?”

I didn’t say their won’t be ‘potential conflicts’ but “real conflicts is a choice not a must”, you may disagree with your spouse on a matter, but you must understand that that is not a necessary reason for opposing one another, you must learn to have healthy differences in opinion, since both of you are different and unique at the same time, you must love and respect your individuality, don’t see yourselves as opponents because you are different, see yourselves as complement-helpers. That way when any discussion or situation arises that requires your attention; you will expect your unique perspectives to reflect in the final decision. So both of you can combine your perspectives and get a better result. If you were so perfect as a person you wouldn’t need a partner anyways, so you can’t be always right , any time a situation occurs you are at best 40percent correct, you spouse has a stake in your life, so you both must trust each other to contribute to one another.

CONFESS THIS
I choose to be peaceable, agreeable and loving to my spouse. I expect the best of peace and joy in our relationship in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Everything in me that loves strife and conflict, Lord pull them out in Jesus name. Give me the spirit of peace and unity in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Every time you feel the urge to resist, oppose and fight your spouse, calm down and pray for wisdom to discuss the matter peacefully. Praying always even ahead of tie for every situation is a powerful tool for peace

READ THIS
Matt 5:38-48

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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HEART POINT 8

HEART POINT 8

10 relationship Quotes that would help your relationship life

Trusting your heart with someone who has not been tested and Delegated by God to you to do so is like giving your ATM card and its pass word to a total stranger. it’s just plainly unwise.

Anyone you bond with emotionally, that won’t abide with you spiritually, will soon slice you physically.

Are you going into that relationship to look for value or to add value, if you have no value to offer, you will end up making the other person to suffer,

if someone more than your spouse gives you more emotional pleasure than what your spouse is giving you, then you are committing emotional fornication or adultery.

the more time you spend together with someone, the more connection with them you will have

Communication, if absent, will kill any connection that exist between you and someone,

The greatest force in the world is the force of unity and the greatest unity in the world is intimacy

if you can marry you, then you won’t need a life partner (that is different from you)

The beauty of unity is in differences, you won’t need unity if you are not different.

Our differences should unite us by complementing us, not separate us.
You don’t compete with each other you complement each other

Pls share this with others

Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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THE BEAUTY OF INTIMACY

THE BEAUTY OF INTIMACY
“The greatest force in the world is the force of unity and the greatest unity in the world is intimacy”.
Even God couldn’t stop this force until he interfered with their unity. If you want to be at your best in your relationship and destiny, then you must not joke with your intimacy. Spiritually, emotionally and (for married couples) physically

Gen11: 6 And the Lord said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. NKJV

The beauty of intimacy is two different but whole hearts that comes together under the hospices of the Holy Spirit for the purpose of attaining a common divine vision. These requires an intermingling of two hearts and two lives for the purpose of becoming one in heart, emotion, intent, intellect , vision, value and purpose. They must begin to see alike, they must begin to even feel alike. This bond was explained in genesis when the bible says…….

GEN 2:24 “
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave (unite or join together) with his wife.

There is beauty in this union, so much that the bible says “how lovely is it for brethren to dwell together in unity”, it’s the most pleasurable event of any relationship and the most fruitful for two souls or two hearts to be bonded together by God in a marital relationship, this bonding begins in courtship and continues in marriage. And the bible says where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst. There is thus power in this bonding. So such that ‘one will chase a thousand, and two will chase ten thousand”
This force of unity is a propeller of destiny; it pulls in the force of favor into man and a woman’s lives. They just experience advancements in their lives. That is why the enemy hates to see this happen; he hates it when people are joined together in heart like that. That is why he is a master of disunity. He started in the garden and he is still doing it today through so many divorces and relationship break ups. That is why you must guard your heart and protect your relationship with all diligence, you must protect your relationship squarely and don’t allow emotional walls between the two of you, if you wall yourselves out, you will prevent the flow of God’s blessings into your lives,
The bible admonish husbands not to quarrel with their wives, so that their prayers will not go unanswered, this issue of emotional bonding is not just for the feeling of it, while it is a sweet experience, it is more that the sweetness of the emotions, it is about the sweetness of the fruit it produces in our lives.
Even biologically It is not possible to reproduce without unity of copulation, this is directly a coming together of two individuals who are opposite in sex, they are not even the same and they form a unity that bonds them together and produce a new life.
Many people permit disunity between them and their life partner because they claim they are different. So why don’t they go and marry themselves, if you can marry you, then you won’t need a life partner, so wake up. The beauty of unity is in differences, you won’t need unity if you are not different. You can be friends with people you are similar to, but mostly, God will bring into your lives people with a different personality from you to be a “help meet” to you.
You will notice you will be strong where she is weak, and she will be strong where he is weak, you don’t complain about these in others, you simply help them out, that’s why you are there in their lives in the first place-to be A HELPER
Your differences are to help each one of you, his strength for her weakness, her strength for his weakness. Our differences should unite us by complementing us, not separate us.

You don’t compete with each other you complement each other
While I say God brings people with different personalities, you both should be developing similar characters values, vision for life an all, we will treat this another time
CONFESS THIS
I receive the grace for unity of intimacy in my relationship in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord release the power to see the way you see, and think the way you think about my life partner in Jesus name

DO THIS
Become conscious of the spiritual side of your emotional connection. Endeavor to be at peace always with yoru life partner and see God always win your battles for you

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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NO STRINGS ATTACHED…REALLY?

NO STRINGS ATTACHED…REALLY?

If there are no strings attached why are you always looking forward to seeing this person?
If there are no strings attached why do you miss them when they are not around or they don’t call?
If there is no emotional strings between the two of you why does their words easily hurt you?
You say there are no strings attached but you felt good when they were with you the last time?
How else does strings get attached.

We mentioned previously that “Relationship is like a transaction between two people, who brings something to the table to exchange, the actual act of exchanging what they have to offer is done through an invisible bond or connection that exist within the two of them, between their two hearts”

We explored the invisible bond or strings yesterday, today I do like to help you to understand what forges this bond between people. We see this in the case of Jonathan and David

Jonathan was impressed or attracted by David: value people carry
There was proximity between them: closeness in space or mind
They spent time with each other: time spent together
There was communication between them: content of heart shared
Then love emotions begin to flow between them: Emotional flow

VALUE FORGES BOND
People are the carriers of values, I can describe values as qualities we see in people that we desire to enjoy in our lives. Every one of us often sees something desirable in others before we are attracted to them. It may be that we see that this person can meet a certain need in our lives. He can care for you, he can improve you, she can make you feel good about yourself. Anything people can do that is a sort of benefit to us is from the value that they carry. If you lack solid values you will become a source of problem for others. If you get attracted to wrong values or surface values. you will eventually lose the little value you have in yourself.
Are you going into that relationship to look for value or to add value, if you have no value to offer, you will end up making the other person to suffer, since it will be a parasitic relationship. It’s not enough to connect, what are you connecting to give to people.

CLOSENESS FORGE BONDS
The closer you are in place with people the more possibility of forming emotional connection, but what really binds people is not physical space, it is emotional or mental space, I can be in the same location with you and refuse to make my mental space available to you, but someone can be far from me and I have all my hearts with them. Where your treasure is that is where your heart will be, if I don’t see any value were i am, I may not offer my emotional space to you, once you are aware of this, you can work with people without bonding with them emotionally. You can create a solid emotional boundary to what parts of your thoughts and emotions you share with this person. You don’t allow people to bond with you recklessly and you don’ give your emotional space to people carelessly.

TIME THICKENS BOND
Either people carry value or not: either you want to share your mental space with them or not, the more time you spend together the more possibility of a certain connection with them you will have, the more reason you must consciously define every relationship in your life and plan ahead what aspect of your heart will be shared. If you are at work you share your intellect not your feelings, you are not being paid to share your feelings but your ideas. You don’t get unnecessarily emotional with people at work, you must be pragmatic, don’t come to work looking for love, leave that need at home with your spouse or with God (if that is your own spouse for now.) Time thickens bond and that is why when we leave a place after a long time we miss the people we left behind. Your neighbour is someone you will spend time of your life with, please be good to them. Time is very trickery because it will intensify whatever quality you bring into the relationship, if its good, time will make it compound In goodness, if it is wrong then disaster is waiting in ‘time; for the person. Time truly change things for the better or the worse depending on what you started with in the first place

COMMUNICATION IS THE LIFE OF CONNECTION

Communication is the way contents of our hearts flow between two people who are connected in a relationship. Communication is the transfer of values through action or words between two people who share their mental or emotional space and are spending time with each other.
Communication, if absent, will kill any connection that exist between you and someone, But if present, it will strengthen the connection. (You see how you started a relationship without knowing it, you talked too much)

To have healthy emotional connection with your spouse you must constantly communicate values that nurture the person: Kind words, gentle words, positive words and actions, encouraging words loving word are non-negotiated to forge a positive emotional connection.
\please never communicate anything that will hurt or poison your relationship in the name of honesty, if you don’t have any positive words to say to the person about a subject matter, simply kill the negative thought you have, and if you keep having negative thoughts about the person, then it’s time to turn to God‘s word to acquire solid values from the word of God.

This is not a reason to keep secrets from your past that will affect your present relationship. You must share that secret to bond emotionally with the person. Tomorrow we talk about barriers to emotional connection. Stay blessed.

CONFESS THIS
.i receive grace to forge the right bonds in Jesus name. I am a carrier of values and graces for my future partner and people that are presently n my life in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, I receive grace to nurture my relationship with the right communication in Jesus name. I receive the power to build up my life partner

DO THIS
Since you now know the things that forges bonds between you and others, you have no more excuses for wrong strings attached to your life and you have no reason to succeed in the right relationships in your life. So use this knowledge to your advantage.

STUDY THIS
Eccl 4:9-12

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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THE INVISIBLE BOND OF LOVE

THE INVISIBLE BOND OF LOVE

(Part 3 EMOTIONAL CONNECTION)

It is in emotional connection that we give our hearts away either consciously or unconsciously.
Emotional connection is the bridge between two hearts yearning for Love and care, it’s the bond between two souls seeking for interaction and relationship. It’s the connection of two souls seeking to be known and accepted for who they are. Without emotional connection, there can be no relationship.

Relationship is like a transaction between two people, who brings something to the table to exchange, the actual act of exchanging what they have to offer is done through an invisible connection that exist within the two of them, between their two hearts.

This “Invisible connection or string” might sound strange to you but let me give you an example in the bible in 1 Sam 18:1
“As soon as he (David) had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan (saul’s son) was knit (bonded, connected) to the soul of David, and Jonathan D loved him as his own soul. ESV
(italics mine)

The message bible puts it this way

“By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David — an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David.”

(THE MESSAGE BIBLE)

Here we see two souls “knitting together” the Hebrew word “qashar” means “to tie together, either physically or mentally (emotional and intellectual), bind and join together.

That is a connection forged between the two souls

Now note how this connection was formed
Jonathan was impressed or attracted by David
There was proximity between them
They spent time with each other
There was communication between them
Then love emotions begins to flow between them

Now you see here that even though they were both males, it still happens.
Emotional connection is a law it has no regard for gender. Once the parameters for emotional connection are present, it will happen between any two persons.
If a female or male impresses you, or you are drawn to that person, once you start spending time with them and communicating with them, you are going to bond emotionally with them, that is good or bad depending on who you are bonding with. In the above case, both had a strong but healthy emotional bond with each other.

There is a male-female example also in the bible, this time, it was an unhealthy bond created by sexual union in Gen 34:2-3

“And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.b3 And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.” KJV

“Clave” has a similar meaning to “knit”, it is also a form of connection between two people.

Now we see that not only does emotional connection eventually leads to physical connection, but physical connection can lead to unhealthy emotional connection if done wrongly

That is why people in relationship who place the physical ahead of the spiritual will have unhealthy emotional bonding. The rule here is: Never bond emotionally with someone you are not committed spiritually to already. Because anyone you bond with emotionally, that won’t abide with you spiritually, will slice you physically and emotionally.

Anyone you bond with, you have given power to affect you.
Anyone you connect with emotionally can control you physically.
That’s why it hurts when your friend back stabs you, if it’s your enemy, you can bear it, but not your friend. You don’t have emotional connection with your enemy, it’s your friend you are connected to. Why does it hurt that much? Because they have a direct access to your heart, they can thus do whatever they want with your heart.

It is thus foolishness to trust your heart with someone you have not tested.

Also note that any couple who is married but refuses to bond physically through sexual intercourse with their spouse will drift apart emotionally and spiritually. Sexual connection is not a tool to punish your spouse if you don’t want to be a fool in that house. Fools lose their spouse to someone who is ready to bond with their spouse outside their house while they are using sex as a tool to punish them in the house.
It’s amazing today the amount of possibilities to bond with people you are not even physically in the same location with. Communication through social media and telecommunications has made it possible to have strong bonds with people you don’t even know or are committed to.

That is why even if you are in a relationship with someone physically in location but you keep bonding with people on the social media and through the phone, you are committing emotional infidelity, it is called unfaithfulness. That is why the bible says to guard your heart with all diligence, (out of it flows the emotions of life)

There is nothing like “no strings attached” in relationship, the truth is once you are connecting, the string is already attached.

The key to know if you are bonding with someone either through the air (internet) or on land is “pleasure”, if someone more than your spouse gives you more emotional pleasure than what your spouse is giving you, then you are committing emotional fornication or adultery.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, I am strengthened to forge healthy bonds and to refuse unhealthy bonds in Jesus name.

PRAY THIS
Lord, I release my heart from every wrong bond I have forged wrongly in the past affecting me in the present in the name of Jesus

DO THIS
Stop communication with anyone you are bonding with and is not God’s will for you. Start communication with the person God has given to you. Ensure you keep your communication healthy at all time between covenant relationships in your life.

STUDY THIS
GEN 34:1-END

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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EMOTIONAL FLOW (part 2 EMOTIONAL CONNECTION)

EMOTIONAL FLOW!
To understand Emotional Connection, we must understand this:

First we are emotional beings
People don’t think facts, they think feelings
People are always reasoning: “How does that make me feel?”

“ If I do that, how would I feel?
“ How does the guy or girl make me feel?”
“ how does what I want to buy make me feel?”
Even reading this devotional involves that emotional component:
How would that Heartstreams devotional make me feel?

Prov 14:10
10 The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy. KJV

Most people follow their feelings instead of following facts or truth. Many people think they do what makes most sense, actually they do what makes them feel good
Most People are not controlled by the word of God; they are controlled by their feelings
That is why even God sent the holy spirit into us to live in us and connect with us like nobody can, most people will at best try to reach you, holy spirit doesn’t just reach you, he lives in you and he is with you. He makes you feel joy unspeakable, peace unexplainable and love undeniable

So we must be very aware of this emotional component in people and the need for people to want to bond or connect at a certain level to have their emotional needs met.
.
We need it at work place, with fellow mates and customers

There are some people that just want to be heard. All they are complaining about really doesn’t make logical sense, that is until you realize that their complaints are not logic based, they are emotion based.

They want you to feel them; they want you to understand them. They want you to relate with them at that level. Sometimes your best bet is to just listen to them and reassure them that you will look into the matter.

The best of businesses are able to create an environment that connects with people emotionally.

So don’t get into unnecessary arguments with people. Because most time, what they are talking about is really about a deeper issue, not that surface matter you are meddling in.

He is not talking about a car. He is talking about his self esteem
She is not talking about her hair, she is talking about her need to be accepted
She is not talking about food, she is expressing her need to be cared for

It’s always about something deeper

If you are not aware of this, you will always be in conflict with people

Because people will strive with you to have their emotional needs met. Why do you think most men work themselves to death to get that I-pad or that big car and many girls dress to kill, they are negotiating with you for their emotional needs to be met. They are trying to use what they have to get what they want. And when in a direct relationship with you., If you refuse to acknowledge these needs, they will either look for someone else, or they will strive and fight with you until they get it

James 4:1-2
where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?

Lusts are simply strong emotions that signal a deep unsatisfied need.

So primarily, awareness of people’s need for connection is key. If you have this knowledge you will easily be able to ask and receive, and not ask amiss when it comes to meeting your emotional needs in a relationship. You will also be able to reach out easily to others emotionally.

The problem here is people often ask the wrong people to do the right things for them. if God has not placed that guy or that girl as your emotional connector, then they will be totally ill-equipped to have a healthy connection with you. Trusting your heart with someone who has not been tested and Delegated by God to you to do so is like giving your ATM card and its pass word to a total stranger. it’s just plainly unwise.
The other issue here is most of us have not really learnt how to listen to other people’s heart cry. We are not sensitive to people’s emotions, but being educated by the word of God makes you to become a discerner of thoughts and intents of men, it makes you “discern the deep thoughts and emotions in people”. Once you acquire this spiritual character of emotional discernment, your wisdom for relationship success increases since you now understands people and how to respond to their inner needs through the help of the holyspirit.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, I am controlled by the word of God and not just my feelings in Jesus name.
PRAY THIS
Lord, give me wisdom to be sensitive to people’s emotions and be able to respond to them with the sensitivity of the word of God in Jesus name.
DO THIS
Identify people’s emotions and connect ith with their emotional needs and ask God for wisdom to respond to the by the word of God.
STUDY THIS
James 4:1-10

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

For counseling and feedbacks
Contact me

AYO GARUBA@ facebook
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PHONE NO: 081775547192

HEART POINT 7

HEART POINT 7

Anything that seeks to provoke you to anger wants to take you out of God’s presence. Anything that gives you a good reason to be angry, is giving you a good ground to be punished by the devil, so take caution.

Anger will delay God’s mission for your life, if it doesn’t terminate it altogether, so be careful (ask Moses)

Anger is both a malfunction and an infection. it must be treated as such.

IF God has not given us the spirit of fear, then he hasn’t given us the spirit of anger either

Anger is a sin, it needs forgiveness. It is a stronghold, it needs pulling down, it is a sickness, it needs healing. It is a spirit that must be cast out. It is a weakness, you need grace for it.

If you both are not changing, then you do not have a relationship. The truth is change is constant in life. You are either changing for worse or changing for better. The problem thus is not change, the problem is unplanned change.

Men…take note of this: if you are improving in your career and your wife is not growing, she may soon become obsolete in your life,

Once you are connecting with the wrong person, your connection with the right person weakens

Whosoever you are not connected to cannot be affected by you… Connection thus is the key to influence

Where your heart is, your body will go eventually… as soon as you break the law of emotional connection, you are bound to break the law of physical barrier and bond physically. Physical fornication always follow emotional fornication…go and learn what that means.

Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

For counseling and feedbacks
Contact me

AYO GARUBA@ facebook
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PHONE NO: 081775547192

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION part 1

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION part 1

We didn’t have a relationship, how come I am feeling a heartbreak ?

I am in a relationship, but am having feelings for someone else?

Pastor, I don’t know how to break away from her, it’s like am tied to her

To understand relationship we must understand emotional connection between people.

Matt 6:21
21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. NKJV

In every relationship this connection happens all the time. In fact as you are reading this words there is a level of emotional connection that we are having, so you do not have a choice If it will happen, you only have a choice when it would happen, how it will happen, with whom it will happen.

Emotional connection is the reason people would end up having a heart break where there was no official relationship involved. They were connected without consciously agreeing to it.

Emotional connection is what would make someone starts cheating on another person because the person stops connecting with his spouse and started connecting with someone else he or she never planned for (or planned for).

Once you are connecting with the wrong person, your connection with the right person weakens

Emotional connection is what makes a person gives her body to a man she is not committed to.
“We are not in a relationship” he or she says, but they just realize their bodies are connecting without control.

It is emotional connection that makes someone gives her body to someone and yet have feelings for someone else

What a lady does not realize is, once she gives her heart to a man, her body will eventually follow. Either you are “tongue speaking” or “fire branded” is irrelevant here, as soon as you break the law of emotional connection, you are bound to break the law of physical barrier and bond physically. Physical fornication always follow emotional fornication…go and learn what that means.

Where your heart is, your body will go eventually

That is why God reserves certain kind of emotional connection with only one person. The person you are permitted to share your body and soul with all your life. The reason I also tell people, don’t spend eternity in so called “courtship”, courtship is a passage to the room of marriage, not the room itself.

If you are truly emotionally connecting in that courtship, it’s just a matter time, your body will develop magnetic attraction towards each other, so be cautious.

It becomes increasing difficult to restrict people from your body whom you have given access to your heart.

Many ladies do not realize this fact so they fall into indiscretional sexual affairs.

That is possible because you may not be committed to someone, but once you are deeply emotionally connected to the person, you will eventually compromise to that person.

Emotional connection is how we transfer needed emotional nutrients from one person to another. You get emotionally nurtured through emotional connection and you also nurture others through emotional connection.

Whosoever you are not connected to cannot be affected by you. And once you are not connected with someone, you cannot affect the person. Connection thus is the key to influence both even in life, business and relationship

A leader needs connection to lead, he is able to reach within his followers that are looking up to him and add values, character qualities that will turn them into success.

A father needs connection to father properly, a mother needs connection to care for her family, husband and wife needs connection to grow together.

The best way to protect your spouse emotionally is to maintain a strong emotional connection with them. That way you can nurture them spiritually and intellectually. You will be able to add values to their lives.

It’s in connection that we are healed emotionally, those who are not in an healthy connection will be emotionally sick.

CONFESS THIS
My heart has healthy emotional connections in Jesus name and my heart is secure in my connection with God .
PRAY THIS
Lord, severe me from every wrong emotional connections I have made in the past or present in, connect me emotionally with the right person in Jesus name
DO THIS
Stop any illicit sexual affairs or wrong emotional communication and pray for divine disconnection from the wrong people.
STUDY THIS
I john 3:1-3
Please share this with others
Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

For counseling and feedbacks
Contact me

AYO GARUBA@ facebook
BB PIN: 2BC8AA56
PHONE NO: 081775547192