WHEN TO SAY NO TO LOVE!
Wisdom often requires the ability to know when best anything worthwhile is worth doing, but most people often lack this kind of relationship wisdom. Do it before its time and it is a disaster, do it after its time and it is most likely a mess.
Then Jesus said to them, “My time has not yet come…” John 7:6
Some couples of years ago while teaching some teenagers about relationship; I was shocked to hear that most of them have been into at least one relationship and some are even in relationships as at that time. They all believed they were ready for relationship. Here was I who was almost double the age of the least of them and I felt totally unprepared for love. I tried questioning them about their motive for relationship and if they think they were ready, their answers blew me away. How can these “kids” who do not even have a basic understanding of what life is about venture into a serious matter like ‘Love’. That was a couple of years ago. The situation is even worse now. Literarily, children of not less than ten years old I discovered are already even sexually active, it is amazing.
It’s easy to see how these ‘kids’ are totally unprepared for relationship and love, they can claim to be in love, but even we will laugh at their naivety or shear ignorance. What about children in adult skin? What about those of us that even though we have height but lack depth, even though we have fat accounts but thin accountability, even though we look good outwardly but inwardly we are a ‘ugly’ sight. The problem has never been that we are not equipped at a certain time for love, (Everyone at a certain point will be totally ill equipped for love) the problem is that we are totally ignorant of the fact that we are not yet equipped. We think because we ‘feel it’ that we ‘have it’, we believe that because have ‘grown in size’, we have actually “grown in our minds”. Many times I see mothers ‘breeding’ children that they are really not matured more than. The truth is they are not qualified to be ‘mothering’ these children, because they lack the basic quality that makes for life and love for their children. That someone can procreate doesn’t mean the person is qualified to be a father or a mother. Any fool can sleep with a prostitute and produce an offspring from her, but it takes total responsibility mentality to spring up into a total commitment to love and be ready for the result that love produces.
I will just mention a couple of times when we should say no to love.
WHEN YOU HAVEN’T DISCOVERED YOUR IDENTITY
How can you desire someone to love you when you don’t even know ‘you’? How can you give someone the herculean task of being in a relationship with someone who does not ‘exist’ yet in his or her mind? The term used for ‘sex’ in the bible is ‘to know’. The word used in “and Adam ‘knew’ his wife”. These goes beyond just appreciating her physically or having pleasure with her body. It is knowledge about someone that only comes through such intercourse, this word ‘to know’ describes for us the purpose and method of love. The purpose of love is to ‘know’ and the method of love is ‘by knowing’. When knowledge is absent, love can’t be present. So don’t claim to be in love with whom you don’t know, neither claim to love someone you haven’t totally reveal yourself to. If you haven’t discovered yourself, you cannot reveal yourself.
WHEN YOU AREN’T READY FOR THE COMMITMENT OF LOVE
I often ask people who claim to be in love and wants to be in a relationship instantly: “Are you ready to marry this person and be totally committed to them for life in the next six to twelve months” they often look at me dazed and say something like ‘off course not’’, then I reply them “then you are not ready for love”. The truth is: once the journey of love begins the end is determined, it either leads to a joyful matrimony or a tearful ‘disharmony’. If you don’t deliberately choose to determine the end of your relationship from the beginning, it will lead the two of you off track and you will end up in heart breaks. There is nothing like ‘let’s just see how it goes’ when you start a relationship, let me let you know where it will go ‘inside the lagoon”. The purpose of courtship is marriage, no matter how modernized we want to make it, once you don’t move towards marriage, you are moving towards disastrous mileage
WHEN YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE RESULTS OF LOVE
Linked to the above is also the commitment to the results of love, are you ready for the children that ‘affair’ will bring, are you ready to care for this person the rest of your life? Are you ready to be financially responsible for this person all your life? Are you ready to carry his baby? Are you ready to be the shoulder he or she will cry on? Are you ready to be the person to cheer this person on all his or her life? Are you ready to go through the thick and thin with him or her? Are you committed to his or her vision for life? Have you decided that you want to share all of his her vision? Are you really ready for the results of this love affair? If you are not ready, please be honest enough to go back to the ‘school of love’.
WHEN YOU HAVEN’T DEVELOPED THE CHARCTER OF A LOVER
The way you are right now, would you love to be in a relationship with you? If the answer to this question is No! Then you are not ready for love. How can you even want someone to love you when you don’t love the way you are? You know the reason many do not love themselves is because they have not developed themselves. They lack love character. When I was a teenager I knew I was totally unprepared for love. I was at least wise enough to know this fact, so it kept me away from wrong relationships despite peer pressures and hormonal motivations to do so. I mean I was fully aware of all my inadequacies and flaws. I knew I was a disaster to any lady at that time if I should venture into any love affair with any one of them, but now I am very different because I decided I wanted to be the best husband my wife in the future would have, I have loaded myself with treasures that my sweet heart treasures. I am not advocating that you must be ‘perfect’ to be in love, but you must at least have basic Love character qualities that will make life happy and prosperous for the other person. If you are given to destructive characters like anger, selfishness, arrogance, unfaithfulness then work on yourself before bombarding heaven for your life partner.
Welcome back to your relationship daily devotional. Hope you had a wonderful Easter last week. WE CONTINUE TOMMOROW
I receive the wisdom of the right timing for relationship in Jesus name
Lord, “help me to be patient and to be prepared for my time to venture into your ordained relationship in Jesus name
Keep studying and developing the right love characters
I Corinthians 13
Yours in LOVE
PST AYO GARUBA
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