HEART POINTS

1. Insecurity may be…real or imagined, it might be a personal issue or an incited issue, but whatever is the cause of this insecurity, one must admit its presence before it can be dealt with.

2. Many unsecured people often fight their spouse in a bid to save their relationship, here by losing what they are trying to save in the first place, so be careful

3. Entering into relationship without acknowledging the possible insecurities and hurts our spouse may be bringing in, will make one ill-equipped to love that person properly.

4. Insecurity is call to action, not a reason for contentions.

5. One of the ways you know mature people in a relationship, is their willingness to admit it when they are wrong and yet not lose their self-esteem in the process

6. For many…The problem is not who you are now, but what you can be in the future. You became who you are, you can become a better person…so stop feeling inadequate

7. Relationship is a growth place

8. “As many as believe he gave them power to become…” Power to ‘become’ the right person in that relationship comes from God, not from you.

9. Many people’s insecurity starts a long time before they entered into relationship,and it manifests within their relationship.

10. Insecurity is worse when we have had a personal history of heartbreak from past relationships that had an unfortunate or tragic ending.

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YOUR PAST AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY

YOUR PAST AND EMOTIONAL INSECURITY

Many people’s insecurity starts a long time before they entered into relationship, and it begins to manifest within the relationship

Rev 21:4
…There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” NKJV

For example: the observation of constant failures in different relationships in around people is enough to cause an unsecured state in the heart of most people. What we see in the news or hear from our neighbours are so unsettling that without revelational truth from the word of God, people will perish out of the fear of what they have heard.

If my parents were divorced for whatever reason, it’s almost natural that I will feel unsecured and wonder if I will have a stable marriage. Observations of family members and failure in society’s marriages can culture such viruses of insecurity.

If a girl sees how guys dumb girls, she may be inclined to start distrusting men generally, and even when her emotions compels her into a relationship with one, she still have a state of mind that is wondering, ‘will he not be like the other guys I had seen?’.

Insecurity is worse when we have had a personal history of heartbreak from past relationships that had an unfortunate or tragic ending. You can imagine the person will carry the scars of that experience and judge the next person in his or her life based on his or her past.
That is why one of the major things we do in a relationship is to create an environment where we help our spouses to heal from emotional scars from the past. Entering into relationship without acknowledging the possible insecurities and hurts our spouse may be bringing in, will make one ill-equipped to love that person properly.

If you are the one with this kind of insecurity then you must allow the word of God to heal you, you must spend time in God’s presence until you feel the healing balm of God’s anointing pour into your soul. But for now, you must realize that this insecurity is from your past, you must thus deal with it.

PAST PRESENT INSECURITY
I want to address a certain kind of insecurity that exists not from the past of an individual but from the past of the relationship they are in presently. It is hard to not feel unsecured in a relationship when one of them has been unfaithful or has betrayed the other before in a recent past.

For example, one of the partners dumped the other for another during the course of the relationship, but eventually returned, if it was the guy that did that, the lady may need several re-assurances from the guy that it will never happen again, if not she will keep asking herself “is he not going to dump me like this sometime in the future?”

If the lady had an affair with another guy during the course of the relationship but the guy decides to forgive her, he would always wonder, “would she not repeat this act again in the future?’

Insecurity would always create such tension in people that it would be either hard for them to enjoy the relationship or stay in it. You can’t fulfil the purpose for which your relationship was ordained by God fearing that your spouse may not be faithful to you in the future.

My counsel for the unsecured person is this. Decide if you have forgiven the person totally or not. If you find yourself unable to forgive the other person completely then you aren’t really ready for the success of that relationship. If God didn’t start the relationship, I will advise you quit it. It won’t profit you or the person

But there are times when you think you have forgiven the person but you still feel fear, then you and the other person must discuss the issue and get a solid re-assurance from your partner, let them make their stance clear about their commitment to you and the integrity of that relationship, it will allay your fears.
For the person who was the culprit of the betrayal he or she has to go the extra mile to actually allay the hidden or obvious fears of his or her spouse. You have to keep re-assuring them of your commitment verbally, telling him or her how that whatever happened in the past will never repeat itself again. But words are not just enough, you must actually been seen to have changed your attitude and behaviour in that relationship, you must go the extra mile to now be transparent, and show your faithfulness to the other person.
If the behaviour that transpired in the past still has it signs or symptoms in any way, there is no way the other person will feel safe.. for example if it is the guy in the relationship who left the girl in the past for another girl, then he must cut off totally from the other ladies who can possibly even be likely source of insecurity to their spouse, he must make a conscious effort to not be seen to have any appearance of relationship with any lady for that matter, otherwise, it may trigger the past and the lady in relationship with him, and she will feel fear.

We must help each other to be secured in our relationships. Ask yourself, am I making my partner secured? How am I re-assuring him or her? Am I just doing my own thing and assuming he or she should know I love him, he or she shouldn’t be afraid, when you are actually doing everything to make them afraid of their future with you.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, your will is established in my relationship in jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord heal me and my spouse from any hurt, betrayal and hidden fears in jesus name

DO THIS
Find out if there is any insecurity in your spouse and re-assure them of your commitment through your words of affirmation and your decisive actions to prove your love to them

STUDY THIS
Psm 103: 1-5

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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HELP! WHY AM I SO AFRAID IN MY RELATIONSHIP?

HELP! WHY AM I SO AFRAID IN MY RELATIONSHIP?

While insecurity can be rooted in one’s spouse and the situations surrounding one’s relationship. Many times insecurity is rooted in one’s self. It may be due to a couple of reasons. For instance, someone who lacks the skills necessary for a successful relationship may become keenly aware of their inadequacy that it becomes a cause of fear in their heart to running a successful relationship. They say to themselves…. “If I have so many weaknesses and flaws, how can I then have a successful relationship?”

Ps 51:5-6
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. 6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. NKJV

There are two groups of people in this category and each one of them will either cause insecurity in each other or will incite insecurity in others.

The over confidence and arrogant person who think they are so good and that they are not flawed. So when anything goes wrong, in their mind, it is always the other person that needs correction or growth. These people are pain in the neck in a relationship. One of the ways you know mature people in a relationship, is their willingness to admit it when they are wrong and yet not lose their self-esteem in the process, they know their growth is dependent in a constant development.

The other set of individuals that we are deliberating today are those who know they have flaws but they have allowed the realisation to incapacitate them. These other people are unsecured not because of their spouse, but because of themselves. What they see in themselves scare them and they wonder if anyone is safe in a relationship with them.
It’s like this
“I worry about others and my relationship because I worry about myself.”
I wonder,
“Will I be faithful to her? Will I be good enough to love her?”

These are the reasoning of an unsecured person
Someone told me,
“Sir I’m afraid, I don’t want to stop loving him, I am always wondering if I will change later towards him or not”.

This fear is rooted in self, lack of confidence in one’s ability and character. It is either due to the person not having matured enough and thus doesn’t have a tested character to handle the relationship or lack of insight into how to grow into what she desires, either ways it results in fear and anxiety over his or her performance in the future.
“I am an angry person; will I have a successful relationship?”
“I am an unfaithful person; will I not break his or her heart sooner or later?”
“I am careless in my speech; I don’t want to say the wrong things to hurt her”
“I am this and I am that…what should I do?”

Many times the real issue with the issues we have are the fears that they incite in us. The problem is not who you are now, but what you can be in the future. You became who you are, you can become a better person, and if you are willing to learn and grow you will be better. Relationship is a growth place, although you are aware of your faults and weaknesses but you know you will keep developing, you cannot permit fear to rob you of your relationship joy because you are still growing. You must operate by faith.

Every God ordained relationship must be operated by faith and not fear, you can’t work by sight or by just mere feelings, you can’t just be judging yourself by who you are now and what you are on the outside, you must look at yourself from the perspective of what God says about you. You must believe the best about yourself and keep improving form there.
God is with you; once you are willing to grow you should feel secured that all will be well.

You must know “he that has begun a good work in you is faithful and able to complete it’ You didn’t start yourself, so you won’t need to finish yourself.
You are not alone, God is with you.
It is he that works in you both to will and to do of his great pleasures.
God has a way of making all grace to abound towards you so that you can be equipped in all good works and lacking nothing in what you need for life and godliness,

It is only our confidence in God to keep us in our relationships, not our confidence in ourselves.
When you have confidence in him for yourself, then he will develop you and help you to become all that you ought to be.
“As many as believe he gave them power to become…”

Power to ‘become’ the right person in that relationship comes from God, not from you. You must look to him and not to yourself. So don’t rob yourself of the peace and joy of your relationship, just relax into his hands and let him take control of your life.

TO BE CONTINUED

CONFESS THIS
Lord I thank you because I am growing in you daily and grace is made available to me for a successful relationship with my spouse ijn

PRAY THIS
Lord, build me up to become the perfectly right person for my spouse ijn

DO THIS
Have a plan of growth and development with your spouse. Never stop growing

STUDY THIS
Psm 1: 1 to end

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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EMOTIONAL INSECURITY IN RELATIONSHIPS

EMOTIONAL INSECURITY IN RELATIONSHIPS part 1

A major unspoken plague in the relationship life of so many people is what we call Emotional Insecurity. It plagues both those in relationship and those who aren’t in relationship yet, both married and unmarried.

This insecurity is fear motivated and it creates doubts and questions about one’s place in a relationship

Am I good enough for him or her? Will she or he stay with me no matter what? What if others take him or her away from me?

Mark 4:40
40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” NKJV

Insecurity can take any of the forms below…….

Real insecurity
Imagined insecurity
Personal insecurity
Incited insecurity

Insecurity is a mental state of not being secured, confident, peaceful or happy in a relationship. It’s a state of constant fear, anxiety, and worry about something about one’s relationship.
Most people are unsecured because of what they see as a potential threat in their spouse’s life and character as it related to their relationship, which will be a potential source of pain for them in the future.

The things they see pose a certain fear and anxiety in their hearts, what is supposed to make them feel loved makes them feel scared. They stop seeing their spouse as a source of joy but now a source of potential pain.
What they see might be real or imagined, it might be a personal issue or an incited issue, but whatever is the cause of this insecurity, one must admit its presence before it can be dealt with.

For example, If Gloria notices that her very handsome and rich fiancé is constantly getting unrestricted attention from others girls in a way that he is not even doing anything about it, It may not be his direct fault that others girls like him (and it may be), but it’s his responsibility to take a very clear stand on how he perceives these ladies who are trouping to him hereby causing his spouse to question her place in his life. He must re-assure her through his decisive actions and communication that he prioritizes her more than anyone in else in his life and that he will never allow anyone to stand between them.
The root of this type of insecurity is obviously the other person and it is therefore a VALID REASON to feel unsecured, it is not imagined insecurity, it is real. The only problem is how one then approaches such an issue in the relationship. Some will just simply lash out and get angry instead of pursue an amiable discussion with their spouse on the fears arising in their own heart about his disposition towards handling “oppositions” to her place in her relationship.

Many unsecured people often fight their spouse in a bid to save their relationship, here by losing what they are trying to save in the first place, so be careful, insecurity is call to action, not a reason for contentions. Anger is always a foolish response to situations, anger shows you lack wisdom, so hold you peace and get wisdom.

While insecurity may be caused by the disposition and character of one’s spouse, many times it is based on a prevailing situation in that relationship beyond one person’s control; and not caused by that person.

For example: Ade does not understand why Patricia her fiancée recently doesn’t have time for him, she has been busy with one thing or the other. Now she may have had a legitimate reason to be busy, maybe it’s because of the work nature at that time of the year or the pressures of pressing matters at that time, the situation can create insecurity in the guy who treasure the time spend with his spouse and he begins to wonder: “does this girl really loves me?”

There are three prong reasons why this insecurity may exist in this guy: First’ the situation beyond the lady’s control causes it. Secondly, the inability of the lady in concern to actually sincerely communicate herself and apologise to the guy that she knows what is happening and will get back to him immediately this season is over, lastly, the girl constantly remain oblivious of her lack of priority for her relationship
So we can see that insecurity can be caused by situations, lack of communication and even our actions or lack of it.

To deal with insecurity we must ask ourselves: Why do I feel unsecured in this relationship? What exactly am I afraid of? Why am I feeling so inadequate? Is it from me or my spouse, is it a temporary thing or it’s a continuous occurrence, is it lack of communication or wrong communication. Am I imaging things or they are actually real. When you know the root cause of your insecurity then you are on your way to finding a solution to it.

TO BE CONTINUED
CONFESS THIS
My heart is secured in you. My soul is at rest in you in Jesus name and my relationship is establish in your love and peace

PRAY THIS
Lord, I get to the root of my insecurities and help me to deal with them in Jesus name. Every fear tormenting me in my relationship , Lord uproot them in Jesus name

DO THIS
Like it was said earlier, prayerfully do a soul search and get to the root cause of the insecurity you are feeling in your relationship.

STUDY THIS
Psm 23:1-end

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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MARRIED BUT LIVING SINGLE

MARRIED BUT LIVING SINGLE

It’s possible to have something that you don’t own, and if you don’t own it, it will never satisfy you or give you joy

John 4:16-18
16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” 17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”NKJV

We met this Samaritan woman at a peculiar point in time where she came to satisfy her thirst with so called “living water”, it is interesting to note that the well is not just an ordinary well, it was the well of Jacob and both the Jews and the Samaritans (who are like mixed breed Jews) come there to take this ‘living water”.
In a short form, this water was supposed to improve their life or give them some certain type of satisfaction in a sort of super natural way, at least so it seems “because Jesus then said to her in John 4:13-15 Jesus answered,

“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. “NIV

It thus appears that the aim of people drinking the water was more than quenching their natural thirst , it was to quench their soul thirst, to quench their emotional thirst permanently, they were looking for a kind of fulfillment and satisfaction but it seems, as far as we know it , at least with this woman, that satisfaction eludes her, she keeps coming over and over again , which was the reason why she wanted the ‘Living water” in the first place, so that she won’t have to come back again, but so far so good, she has torn because she was still unfulfilled.

So Jesus offered to give what she has always wanted or needed
But first Jesus asked her for a drink, she went berserk, why?
“You can’t give what you don’t have”,
Can you compare her with Rebekah in the Old Testament, whom a stranger asked to give her water, she didn’t just give the man water, and she watered all his camel! Wow! Talk about overflowing satisfaction in a woman’s soul! But this Samaritan woman was different, she was so thirsty she makes other people miserable with her thirst.

So Jesus decided since she doesn’t have what she is looking for, he will help her, but not without connecting it with her most pressing need…a husband.
She has to come with HER HUSBAND to get the living river…this was where I got the shock of my life.

Jesus told the woman to go and bring her husband meaning she has a husband
Then the woman claimed she doesn’t have a husband and Jesus said she is correct

How?

Jesus then dropped the bomb shell,
You have a husband, in fact you have had husbands, but you have never had YOUR HUSBAND.

Then I noted what Jesus asked her to bring, not go and bring “A HUSBAND”, he said, go and bring “YOUR HUSBAND”
She told Jesus “truly I have a man who is filling the role of a husband right now, but really, he is not my husband
Lesson “you can have something and not own that thing”

The reason why you don’t own it is because it was never yours in the first place, it belongs to someone else, and if it belongs to someone else, it will never satisfy you, no matter how long you have it for

Woow!

Amazing, Jesus actually confirmed what she said

Can you imagine that: She has had five men in her life, these man has served different roles.

They served her emotional needs, some served her sexual needs, others sorted her financial needs, some were good companions, others enhanced her social status, she may even have a child or two with some of them, five of them in total and she has one presently at home, yet she has never has HER OWN HUSBAND

Imagine you are the man presently in her house, you think you have a wife, you pay her bills and even sleep with her, you parade her as your wife, and you may have even been with her for five years or ten, and you overheard her conversation with this Jewish prophet “I have no husband” :your wife says, and she is correct, what a tragedy!

YOU CAN BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE THAT IS NOT YOUR OWN

You can be dating someone that was never meant to be a part of your life
You can even fall in love with someone that is not supposed to be constructively a part of your destiny

You can permutate all manner of relationships, try to fit in people into your life, but if they are never meant to be yours, they will never fit in, they will never align, why? they were not designed to be yours and you were not designed to be theirs.

No wonder the woman was looking for “Living water” up and down, no wonder she was exchanging partners like sanitary pad, no wonder she was an unfulfilled woman, she was a disgruntled woman, she was a woman who hasn’t found her place. She hasn’t found her own place to be a woman.
we can argue this fact all we can, but the reality is this: there is a God ordained man or woman out there for you to marry at any specific point in time”, your discovery of that person is the foundation for a glorious relationship life and fulfilled destiny.

This revelation is new to me, but the lesson I had always known.

WHO ARE YOU WITH RIGHT NOW? Is she really yours? Is he really yours? You are constantly in a fight and disagreement; does that not tell you something? The fact that your plans and purpose never seem to align, does that not imply something somewhere is not right? She is spiritual, but is she yours? He is caring but is he yours? no matter how good someone is, if he is not yours, he will never be good enough for you.
Don’t look for a good wife or a good husband; look for your own husband, your own wife. Selah

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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WHY CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS

WHY CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Conflicts are signs of deep seated issues in a relationship, the more internal issues there are in a relationship, the more potential for external conflicts exist and if people do not understand how to recognize and resolved silent brewing issues in their relationships, it may blow up in their faces as a thriving conflict.
Prov 26:20-22
20 Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases. 21 As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife. NKJV

What many school of thought is teaching in our churches and popular books are conflict resolutions, what am advocating is conflict prevention. And this is very possible
.
Prov 17:14
The beginning of strife is like releasing water;
Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.
NKJV

The fact is that every conflict usually have a beginning, it is wisdom to identify such potential conflicts and nip them in the bud. when two people are in a conflict one or two of them are in foolishness. So we must choose the path of wisdom. There is nothing worthwhile to prove in a fight, if you don’t acquire wisdom to understand each other and the issue at hand, throw fist and shoot arrows of words all you can, it will only worsen problems , not resolve them.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY CONLFICTS HAPPEN IN A RELATIOSNHIP

1. WRONG PARTNERS
The greatest source of conflict in any relationship is that God is not the initiator of that relationship. Once the two of you enter by your own calculations, then you are in for possible contentions. If you didn’t hear from God in your relationship you will experience serious conflicts in your relationship. Since both of you will never be secured in that relationship. Its only when God is in the picture for the two of you that all goes well. There are issues that might want to occur if you choose by God’s direction, but it won’t overwhelm the two of you. Unlike if you choose naturally, you will get into all manner of conflicts over trivial matters. One serious sign you may not be meant for each other or that you choose the wrong person is that you are both always fighting. Think about it.

2. IMMATURITY
If you find yourself always throwing a tantrum at the slightest provocation in your relationship, it is obvious you are not matured or wise enough. Immature people are like children who are so selfish and self-centered, they want what they want and they want it their own way at the expense of the other person. You may be in the right relationship but be a wrong person because you are just simply too underdeveloped emotionally and intelligently to place your priorities right. Immature person is controlled by his or her emotions instead of him to control his emotions and address the issue at hand practically. The solution to immaturity is growth. You must study the word of God until you understand how to respond to every situation of life. Immaturity is simply lack of wisdom, so get wisdom

3. EXPECTING CONFLICTS
You must understand this one well, you don’t have to fight or raise your voice or get angry with your spouse to communicate with the person. With patience and prayer you can communicate important things to them and the holy spirit will help them to see it.

Prov 17:1-2
Better is a dry morsel with quietness,
Than a house full of feasting* with strife.
NKJV

If God expect us to be in strife he wouldn’t tell us to escape to the roof top than live with a contentious woman or man, the bible expects a quiet and conflict free home, not a war zone, so please ask for wisdom to have that kind of relationship and family. That anger can’t earn you anything good.

4. SELF CENTREDNESS
If it’s all about you and what you can get from the other person at any cost, the two of you will always be in a conflict. If you both prefer the other to yourself, there will never really be issues between the two of you. The bible is very clear on this matter.

Phil 2:3-4
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. NKJV

You simply have to put the other person first before you; relationship thrives of self-sacrifice not self-centeredness. If both of you look out for each other, you won’t have to worry about your personal needs being met, it will be met

TO BE CONTINUED
CONFESS THIS
O Lord, I choose a conflict free marriage in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, I declare peace into my relationship and my marriage in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Sit down and evaluate the real reasons why conflicts has existed in your relationship in the past and pray about them to make sure they don’t repeat itself again

STUDY THIS
Prov 21:16-22

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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HOW TO KEEP CONFLICTS OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO KEEP CONFLICTS OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

There are already enough challenges in life for any two couples to now become a challenge to themselves; relationship should be a heaven where one is comforted from the challenges of life, not a hell where it increases.

1 Cor 12:12-13
12 For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ. NKJV

One of the major challenges of many of us singles is that we run relationship by other people’s experiences. We see our parents always in a fight and we believe it so normal and even expected, we see our friends in conflict almost all the times and we excuse it as a normal part of relationship.

I was talking to a friend some time ago who was trying to explain to me why his relationship is healthy, he said, “that they fight a lot in their relationship, and that any time they fight, they always settle it”: he was trying to let me know that the way he knows their relationship is healthy is the unending conflict that exist there.

In fact, there was a time when my sweet heart told someone that we rarely have arguments or active conflicts in our relationship and they were scared for her, they believed that it was pretense either on my part or on her part. What they did not realize was, we had made a very deliberate effort to ensure that ”potential conflicts do not become a fist fight or arguments”, we believe that every issue can be resolved with an expectation of peace. In fact most of the issues we had to resolve comes from outside the relationship not even within it, the only way this is possible is because ‘it takes two mature adults to run a conflict-free relationship”.

Bishop Oyedepo responded to a marriage counselor who was “cancelling” them, the man had told him and his spouse that there is no way they won’t step on each other’s toes in marriage”, then he answered him; ‘sir, if both of us are sitting in two different chairs, we will both have to be blind to step on each other’s toes’. In short he summarized, it takes two to fight, even if your spouse wants to bring up a conflict, wisdom demands that “ soft answer turneth away wrath”

Two people can’t air their opinion at the same time, so you must work towards peace at all times.

Many so called marriage counselors are actually :”cancel-lors”, who instead of instilling faith and confidence into couples for a successful marriage, scare them with the woes of their own personal marriage failures, so beware of them

Before we delve into “why conflicts happen” let me quickly address the issue of differences in nature and opinions of your mate further”

We have established: the differences in your relationship is not a curse, it’s a blessing, so stop letting the enemy deceive you

If you don’t want someone different from you then why don’t you marry yourself?
Let’s address how to eliminate conflict due to differences

1. we may disagree on an issue but we must look for a way to agree with each other. “things serve us we don’t serve things”, our relationship is more important than the issue at hand and our relationship must remain our priority. For example, no matter what issue we have with money, never compromise your relationship for disagreement over money, chose to agree with your spouse, sometimes you have to even let go of your personal preferences in this. This requires discipline and selfless ness

2. we are free to express differences in opinion and we must both understand that our differences are working together for our betterment so we must find a way to use your strength for the others weakness. Note that if both of you are the same in every way, then one of you is irrelevant in the relationship. SELAH.
So don’t marry him or her because you have a lot of things in common, marry him because God choose him for you

3. Differences doesn’t mean enmity, it means complementary. Differences thus is the reason why we are asked to work towards unity

4. Every issue in discuss has the best middle ground, look for it and both of you choose to compromise to stay there

5. it’s healthy to have a yardstick to judge every situation, so that both of you can be objective

RECOMMENEDED YARDSTICKS

a. it is not just about you it is about the two of you so you must always consider the other person as well as yourself or even more than yourself, the bible says ‘ we should prefer others to ourselves’ this is love.. if both of you consider the other better than yourselves, you will experience such joy and smoothness that you won’t believe it.

b. it is not just about the present moment, it is about the future, so make decisions that will be better in the long run for the two of you

c. many times, it is not about any of you, it’s about God’s will in that situation. So both of you must submit to what God is saying after you have prayed to know his will.

d. your relationship is always priority, any decision you want to make must better the relationship, not just you in person

e. if it is more important for the other person then you might have to let go. If the other person is happy then you will be happy in the long wrong

f. your decisions must serve the God given vision of your marriage or relationship, not just personal wants, if you don’t have a God given vision for your relationship then you will lack direction in making proper decisions.
We will continue tomorrow

CONFESS THIS
Lord I receive wisdom to maintain peace in all my relationships, especially with my spouse

PRAY THIS
Lord help me to prefer my spouse to myself and kill every selfishness in me in Jesus name

DO THIS
Do the above suggestions

STUDY THIS
I cor 12; 12-26

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IS CONFLICT A NORMAL PART OF RELATIONSHIPS

IS CONFLICT A NORMAL PART OF RELATIONSHIPS?

What you expect as normal in your relationship becomes the norm you will experience in your relationship. If you expect conflict that’s what you get if you expect peace that’s what you will get.

Rom 12:18
18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. NKJV

Many of us have been indoctrinated with the ‘normal conflict principle’ in relationships, we have been told to expect conflicts, to prepare for conflicts and when there are no conflicts, you even create one…yes! Some people are so scared of lack of conflict that they will intentionally create conflict in their relationships in a bid to test their spouse or to prove to themselves that their relationship is healthy.

It’s amazing, can you imagine someone poisoning her child just to prove that her baby is healthy. I thought the sign that the baby is healthy is that he is not sick. But many people believe that if you want to know how healthy a person is, then inject them with a disease causing entity as to see how they react to it.

But is conflict normal in relationships?

What are conflicts?

Three dictionary definitions

-Friction or opposition resulting from actual or perceived differences or incompatibility

-A situation where it is difficult for two things to exist together at the same time or for two things to be true at the same time

-The feeling of nervousness, anxiety or unhappiness because two people want two different things at the same time.

The root of conflict is that we are two unique entities that may possess differences in beliefs, and expectations. We may differ in the way we respond to things and the way we relate with each other. So therefore there are abundance potentials for conflicts in a relationship.
But to then say because it is possible for a car to have an accident every time on the road then we must expect accidents. That one can fall sick at any time doesn’t imply that we should then expect to fall sick or consider sickness as normal.
“Potential for conflict doesn’t have to become real conflicts”

In fact conflict should be so strange to us that when it happens we should address it properly.

So conflicts shouldn’t be the norm in a relationship. It should be strange to the two of you. Both of you should be so wise and matured in the way you relate that it is rare for there to be a fledging conflict in that relationship.

“Any potential for conflict must be terminated before it even sees the light of day. Peace should be our normal expectation.”

Unity should be what is normal, so much that when you lack any peace at any point in time in your relationship then both of you should pursue and grab that peace back into your relationship.
As much as in your power, as much as possible, with all your strength, do all it takes to resolve any potential for conflicts and maintain a deep flourishing peace in your relationship

This is a totally different mindset from what is being generally taught, some people believe in confrontations and disagreements. They believe they have to oppose the other person until they get what they want from the other person. This is gross self-centeredness!
They assume you have to fight for what you want in your relationship or you won’t get it, but this concept of relationship will rob the two of you the joy and fulfilment of relationship. The truth is that the degree to which you manage and resolve potential conflicts in a relationship determines how blissful the relationship is going to be.

“If all your time in a relationship is used to settle conflicts then when do you have the time for joy and the pleasure of unity?”

I didn’t say their won’t be ‘potential conflicts’ but “real conflicts is a choice not a must”, you may disagree with your spouse on a matter, but you must understand that that is not a necessary reason for opposing one another, you must learn to have healthy differences in opinion, since both of you are different and unique at the same time, you must love and respect your individuality, don’t see yourselves as opponents because you are different, see yourselves as complement-helpers. That way when any discussion or situation arises that requires your attention; you will expect your unique perspectives to reflect in the final decision. So both of you can combine your perspectives and get a better result. If you were so perfect as a person you wouldn’t need a partner anyways, so you can’t be always right , any time a situation occurs you are at best 40percent correct, you spouse has a stake in your life, so you both must trust each other to contribute to one another.

CONFESS THIS
I choose to be peaceable, agreeable and loving to my spouse. I expect the best of peace and joy in our relationship in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Everything in me that loves strife and conflict, Lord pull them out in Jesus name. Give me the spirit of peace and unity in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Every time you feel the urge to resist, oppose and fight your spouse, calm down and pray for wisdom to discuss the matter peacefully. Praying always even ahead of tie for every situation is a powerful tool for peace

READ THIS
Matt 5:38-48

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HEART POINT 8

HEART POINT 8

10 relationship Quotes that would help your relationship life

Trusting your heart with someone who has not been tested and Delegated by God to you to do so is like giving your ATM card and its pass word to a total stranger. it’s just plainly unwise.

Anyone you bond with emotionally, that won’t abide with you spiritually, will soon slice you physically.

Are you going into that relationship to look for value or to add value, if you have no value to offer, you will end up making the other person to suffer,

if someone more than your spouse gives you more emotional pleasure than what your spouse is giving you, then you are committing emotional fornication or adultery.

the more time you spend together with someone, the more connection with them you will have

Communication, if absent, will kill any connection that exist between you and someone,

The greatest force in the world is the force of unity and the greatest unity in the world is intimacy

if you can marry you, then you won’t need a life partner (that is different from you)

The beauty of unity is in differences, you won’t need unity if you are not different.

Our differences should unite us by complementing us, not separate us.
You don’t compete with each other you complement each other

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THE BEAUTY OF INTIMACY

THE BEAUTY OF INTIMACY
“The greatest force in the world is the force of unity and the greatest unity in the world is intimacy”.
Even God couldn’t stop this force until he interfered with their unity. If you want to be at your best in your relationship and destiny, then you must not joke with your intimacy. Spiritually, emotionally and (for married couples) physically

Gen11: 6 And the Lord said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. NKJV

The beauty of intimacy is two different but whole hearts that comes together under the hospices of the Holy Spirit for the purpose of attaining a common divine vision. These requires an intermingling of two hearts and two lives for the purpose of becoming one in heart, emotion, intent, intellect , vision, value and purpose. They must begin to see alike, they must begin to even feel alike. This bond was explained in genesis when the bible says…….

GEN 2:24 “
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave (unite or join together) with his wife.

There is beauty in this union, so much that the bible says “how lovely is it for brethren to dwell together in unity”, it’s the most pleasurable event of any relationship and the most fruitful for two souls or two hearts to be bonded together by God in a marital relationship, this bonding begins in courtship and continues in marriage. And the bible says where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst. There is thus power in this bonding. So such that ‘one will chase a thousand, and two will chase ten thousand”
This force of unity is a propeller of destiny; it pulls in the force of favor into man and a woman’s lives. They just experience advancements in their lives. That is why the enemy hates to see this happen; he hates it when people are joined together in heart like that. That is why he is a master of disunity. He started in the garden and he is still doing it today through so many divorces and relationship break ups. That is why you must guard your heart and protect your relationship with all diligence, you must protect your relationship squarely and don’t allow emotional walls between the two of you, if you wall yourselves out, you will prevent the flow of God’s blessings into your lives,
The bible admonish husbands not to quarrel with their wives, so that their prayers will not go unanswered, this issue of emotional bonding is not just for the feeling of it, while it is a sweet experience, it is more that the sweetness of the emotions, it is about the sweetness of the fruit it produces in our lives.
Even biologically It is not possible to reproduce without unity of copulation, this is directly a coming together of two individuals who are opposite in sex, they are not even the same and they form a unity that bonds them together and produce a new life.
Many people permit disunity between them and their life partner because they claim they are different. So why don’t they go and marry themselves, if you can marry you, then you won’t need a life partner, so wake up. The beauty of unity is in differences, you won’t need unity if you are not different. You can be friends with people you are similar to, but mostly, God will bring into your lives people with a different personality from you to be a “help meet” to you.
You will notice you will be strong where she is weak, and she will be strong where he is weak, you don’t complain about these in others, you simply help them out, that’s why you are there in their lives in the first place-to be A HELPER
Your differences are to help each one of you, his strength for her weakness, her strength for his weakness. Our differences should unite us by complementing us, not separate us.

You don’t compete with each other you complement each other
While I say God brings people with different personalities, you both should be developing similar characters values, vision for life an all, we will treat this another time
CONFESS THIS
I receive the grace for unity of intimacy in my relationship in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord release the power to see the way you see, and think the way you think about my life partner in Jesus name

DO THIS
Become conscious of the spiritual side of your emotional connection. Endeavor to be at peace always with yoru life partner and see God always win your battles for you

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NO STRINGS ATTACHED…REALLY?

NO STRINGS ATTACHED…REALLY?

If there are no strings attached why are you always looking forward to seeing this person?
If there are no strings attached why do you miss them when they are not around or they don’t call?
If there is no emotional strings between the two of you why does their words easily hurt you?
You say there are no strings attached but you felt good when they were with you the last time?
How else does strings get attached.

We mentioned previously that “Relationship is like a transaction between two people, who brings something to the table to exchange, the actual act of exchanging what they have to offer is done through an invisible bond or connection that exist within the two of them, between their two hearts”

We explored the invisible bond or strings yesterday, today I do like to help you to understand what forges this bond between people. We see this in the case of Jonathan and David

Jonathan was impressed or attracted by David: value people carry
There was proximity between them: closeness in space or mind
They spent time with each other: time spent together
There was communication between them: content of heart shared
Then love emotions begin to flow between them: Emotional flow

VALUE FORGES BOND
People are the carriers of values, I can describe values as qualities we see in people that we desire to enjoy in our lives. Every one of us often sees something desirable in others before we are attracted to them. It may be that we see that this person can meet a certain need in our lives. He can care for you, he can improve you, she can make you feel good about yourself. Anything people can do that is a sort of benefit to us is from the value that they carry. If you lack solid values you will become a source of problem for others. If you get attracted to wrong values or surface values. you will eventually lose the little value you have in yourself.
Are you going into that relationship to look for value or to add value, if you have no value to offer, you will end up making the other person to suffer, since it will be a parasitic relationship. It’s not enough to connect, what are you connecting to give to people.

CLOSENESS FORGE BONDS
The closer you are in place with people the more possibility of forming emotional connection, but what really binds people is not physical space, it is emotional or mental space, I can be in the same location with you and refuse to make my mental space available to you, but someone can be far from me and I have all my hearts with them. Where your treasure is that is where your heart will be, if I don’t see any value were i am, I may not offer my emotional space to you, once you are aware of this, you can work with people without bonding with them emotionally. You can create a solid emotional boundary to what parts of your thoughts and emotions you share with this person. You don’t allow people to bond with you recklessly and you don’ give your emotional space to people carelessly.

TIME THICKENS BOND
Either people carry value or not: either you want to share your mental space with them or not, the more time you spend together the more possibility of a certain connection with them you will have, the more reason you must consciously define every relationship in your life and plan ahead what aspect of your heart will be shared. If you are at work you share your intellect not your feelings, you are not being paid to share your feelings but your ideas. You don’t get unnecessarily emotional with people at work, you must be pragmatic, don’t come to work looking for love, leave that need at home with your spouse or with God (if that is your own spouse for now.) Time thickens bond and that is why when we leave a place after a long time we miss the people we left behind. Your neighbour is someone you will spend time of your life with, please be good to them. Time is very trickery because it will intensify whatever quality you bring into the relationship, if its good, time will make it compound In goodness, if it is wrong then disaster is waiting in ‘time; for the person. Time truly change things for the better or the worse depending on what you started with in the first place

COMMUNICATION IS THE LIFE OF CONNECTION

Communication is the way contents of our hearts flow between two people who are connected in a relationship. Communication is the transfer of values through action or words between two people who share their mental or emotional space and are spending time with each other.
Communication, if absent, will kill any connection that exist between you and someone, But if present, it will strengthen the connection. (You see how you started a relationship without knowing it, you talked too much)

To have healthy emotional connection with your spouse you must constantly communicate values that nurture the person: Kind words, gentle words, positive words and actions, encouraging words loving word are non-negotiated to forge a positive emotional connection.
\please never communicate anything that will hurt or poison your relationship in the name of honesty, if you don’t have any positive words to say to the person about a subject matter, simply kill the negative thought you have, and if you keep having negative thoughts about the person, then it’s time to turn to God‘s word to acquire solid values from the word of God.

This is not a reason to keep secrets from your past that will affect your present relationship. You must share that secret to bond emotionally with the person. Tomorrow we talk about barriers to emotional connection. Stay blessed.

CONFESS THIS
.i receive grace to forge the right bonds in Jesus name. I am a carrier of values and graces for my future partner and people that are presently n my life in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, I receive grace to nurture my relationship with the right communication in Jesus name. I receive the power to build up my life partner

DO THIS
Since you now know the things that forges bonds between you and others, you have no more excuses for wrong strings attached to your life and you have no reason to succeed in the right relationships in your life. So use this knowledge to your advantage.

STUDY THIS
Eccl 4:9-12

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THE INVISIBLE BOND OF LOVE

THE INVISIBLE BOND OF LOVE

(Part 3 EMOTIONAL CONNECTION)

It is in emotional connection that we give our hearts away either consciously or unconsciously.
Emotional connection is the bridge between two hearts yearning for Love and care, it’s the bond between two souls seeking for interaction and relationship. It’s the connection of two souls seeking to be known and accepted for who they are. Without emotional connection, there can be no relationship.

Relationship is like a transaction between two people, who brings something to the table to exchange, the actual act of exchanging what they have to offer is done through an invisible connection that exist within the two of them, between their two hearts.

This “Invisible connection or string” might sound strange to you but let me give you an example in the bible in 1 Sam 18:1
“As soon as he (David) had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan (saul’s son) was knit (bonded, connected) to the soul of David, and Jonathan D loved him as his own soul. ESV
(italics mine)

The message bible puts it this way

“By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David — an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David.”

(THE MESSAGE BIBLE)

Here we see two souls “knitting together” the Hebrew word “qashar” means “to tie together, either physically or mentally (emotional and intellectual), bind and join together.

That is a connection forged between the two souls

Now note how this connection was formed
Jonathan was impressed or attracted by David
There was proximity between them
They spent time with each other
There was communication between them
Then love emotions begins to flow between them

Now you see here that even though they were both males, it still happens.
Emotional connection is a law it has no regard for gender. Once the parameters for emotional connection are present, it will happen between any two persons.
If a female or male impresses you, or you are drawn to that person, once you start spending time with them and communicating with them, you are going to bond emotionally with them, that is good or bad depending on who you are bonding with. In the above case, both had a strong but healthy emotional bond with each other.

There is a male-female example also in the bible, this time, it was an unhealthy bond created by sexual union in Gen 34:2-3

“And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.b3 And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.” KJV

“Clave” has a similar meaning to “knit”, it is also a form of connection between two people.

Now we see that not only does emotional connection eventually leads to physical connection, but physical connection can lead to unhealthy emotional connection if done wrongly

That is why people in relationship who place the physical ahead of the spiritual will have unhealthy emotional bonding. The rule here is: Never bond emotionally with someone you are not committed spiritually to already. Because anyone you bond with emotionally, that won’t abide with you spiritually, will slice you physically and emotionally.

Anyone you bond with, you have given power to affect you.
Anyone you connect with emotionally can control you physically.
That’s why it hurts when your friend back stabs you, if it’s your enemy, you can bear it, but not your friend. You don’t have emotional connection with your enemy, it’s your friend you are connected to. Why does it hurt that much? Because they have a direct access to your heart, they can thus do whatever they want with your heart.

It is thus foolishness to trust your heart with someone you have not tested.

Also note that any couple who is married but refuses to bond physically through sexual intercourse with their spouse will drift apart emotionally and spiritually. Sexual connection is not a tool to punish your spouse if you don’t want to be a fool in that house. Fools lose their spouse to someone who is ready to bond with their spouse outside their house while they are using sex as a tool to punish them in the house.
It’s amazing today the amount of possibilities to bond with people you are not even physically in the same location with. Communication through social media and telecommunications has made it possible to have strong bonds with people you don’t even know or are committed to.

That is why even if you are in a relationship with someone physically in location but you keep bonding with people on the social media and through the phone, you are committing emotional infidelity, it is called unfaithfulness. That is why the bible says to guard your heart with all diligence, (out of it flows the emotions of life)

There is nothing like “no strings attached” in relationship, the truth is once you are connecting, the string is already attached.

The key to know if you are bonding with someone either through the air (internet) or on land is “pleasure”, if someone more than your spouse gives you more emotional pleasure than what your spouse is giving you, then you are committing emotional fornication or adultery.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, I am strengthened to forge healthy bonds and to refuse unhealthy bonds in Jesus name.

PRAY THIS
Lord, I release my heart from every wrong bond I have forged wrongly in the past affecting me in the present in the name of Jesus

DO THIS
Stop communication with anyone you are bonding with and is not God’s will for you. Start communication with the person God has given to you. Ensure you keep your communication healthy at all time between covenant relationships in your life.

STUDY THIS
GEN 34:1-END

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EMOTIONAL FLOW (part 2 EMOTIONAL CONNECTION)

EMOTIONAL FLOW!
To understand Emotional Connection, we must understand this:

First we are emotional beings
People don’t think facts, they think feelings
People are always reasoning: “How does that make me feel?”

“ If I do that, how would I feel?
“ How does the guy or girl make me feel?”
“ how does what I want to buy make me feel?”
Even reading this devotional involves that emotional component:
How would that Heartstreams devotional make me feel?

Prov 14:10
10 The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy. KJV

Most people follow their feelings instead of following facts or truth. Many people think they do what makes most sense, actually they do what makes them feel good
Most People are not controlled by the word of God; they are controlled by their feelings
That is why even God sent the holy spirit into us to live in us and connect with us like nobody can, most people will at best try to reach you, holy spirit doesn’t just reach you, he lives in you and he is with you. He makes you feel joy unspeakable, peace unexplainable and love undeniable

So we must be very aware of this emotional component in people and the need for people to want to bond or connect at a certain level to have their emotional needs met.
.
We need it at work place, with fellow mates and customers

There are some people that just want to be heard. All they are complaining about really doesn’t make logical sense, that is until you realize that their complaints are not logic based, they are emotion based.

They want you to feel them; they want you to understand them. They want you to relate with them at that level. Sometimes your best bet is to just listen to them and reassure them that you will look into the matter.

The best of businesses are able to create an environment that connects with people emotionally.

So don’t get into unnecessary arguments with people. Because most time, what they are talking about is really about a deeper issue, not that surface matter you are meddling in.

He is not talking about a car. He is talking about his self esteem
She is not talking about her hair, she is talking about her need to be accepted
She is not talking about food, she is expressing her need to be cared for

It’s always about something deeper

If you are not aware of this, you will always be in conflict with people

Because people will strive with you to have their emotional needs met. Why do you think most men work themselves to death to get that I-pad or that big car and many girls dress to kill, they are negotiating with you for their emotional needs to be met. They are trying to use what they have to get what they want. And when in a direct relationship with you., If you refuse to acknowledge these needs, they will either look for someone else, or they will strive and fight with you until they get it

James 4:1-2
where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?

Lusts are simply strong emotions that signal a deep unsatisfied need.

So primarily, awareness of people’s need for connection is key. If you have this knowledge you will easily be able to ask and receive, and not ask amiss when it comes to meeting your emotional needs in a relationship. You will also be able to reach out easily to others emotionally.

The problem here is people often ask the wrong people to do the right things for them. if God has not placed that guy or that girl as your emotional connector, then they will be totally ill-equipped to have a healthy connection with you. Trusting your heart with someone who has not been tested and Delegated by God to you to do so is like giving your ATM card and its pass word to a total stranger. it’s just plainly unwise.
The other issue here is most of us have not really learnt how to listen to other people’s heart cry. We are not sensitive to people’s emotions, but being educated by the word of God makes you to become a discerner of thoughts and intents of men, it makes you “discern the deep thoughts and emotions in people”. Once you acquire this spiritual character of emotional discernment, your wisdom for relationship success increases since you now understands people and how to respond to their inner needs through the help of the holyspirit.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, I am controlled by the word of God and not just my feelings in Jesus name.
PRAY THIS
Lord, give me wisdom to be sensitive to people’s emotions and be able to respond to them with the sensitivity of the word of God in Jesus name.
DO THIS
Identify people’s emotions and connect ith with their emotional needs and ask God for wisdom to respond to the by the word of God.
STUDY THIS
James 4:1-10

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HEART POINT 7

HEART POINT 7

Anything that seeks to provoke you to anger wants to take you out of God’s presence. Anything that gives you a good reason to be angry, is giving you a good ground to be punished by the devil, so take caution.

Anger will delay God’s mission for your life, if it doesn’t terminate it altogether, so be careful (ask Moses)

Anger is both a malfunction and an infection. it must be treated as such.

IF God has not given us the spirit of fear, then he hasn’t given us the spirit of anger either

Anger is a sin, it needs forgiveness. It is a stronghold, it needs pulling down, it is a sickness, it needs healing. It is a spirit that must be cast out. It is a weakness, you need grace for it.

If you both are not changing, then you do not have a relationship. The truth is change is constant in life. You are either changing for worse or changing for better. The problem thus is not change, the problem is unplanned change.

Men…take note of this: if you are improving in your career and your wife is not growing, she may soon become obsolete in your life,

Once you are connecting with the wrong person, your connection with the right person weakens

Whosoever you are not connected to cannot be affected by you… Connection thus is the key to influence

Where your heart is, your body will go eventually… as soon as you break the law of emotional connection, you are bound to break the law of physical barrier and bond physically. Physical fornication always follow emotional fornication…go and learn what that means.

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EMOTIONAL CONNECTION part 1

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION part 1

We didn’t have a relationship, how come I am feeling a heartbreak ?

I am in a relationship, but am having feelings for someone else?

Pastor, I don’t know how to break away from her, it’s like am tied to her

To understand relationship we must understand emotional connection between people.

Matt 6:21
21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. NKJV

In every relationship this connection happens all the time. In fact as you are reading this words there is a level of emotional connection that we are having, so you do not have a choice If it will happen, you only have a choice when it would happen, how it will happen, with whom it will happen.

Emotional connection is the reason people would end up having a heart break where there was no official relationship involved. They were connected without consciously agreeing to it.

Emotional connection is what would make someone starts cheating on another person because the person stops connecting with his spouse and started connecting with someone else he or she never planned for (or planned for).

Once you are connecting with the wrong person, your connection with the right person weakens

Emotional connection is what makes a person gives her body to a man she is not committed to.
“We are not in a relationship” he or she says, but they just realize their bodies are connecting without control.

It is emotional connection that makes someone gives her body to someone and yet have feelings for someone else

What a lady does not realize is, once she gives her heart to a man, her body will eventually follow. Either you are “tongue speaking” or “fire branded” is irrelevant here, as soon as you break the law of emotional connection, you are bound to break the law of physical barrier and bond physically. Physical fornication always follow emotional fornication…go and learn what that means.

Where your heart is, your body will go eventually

That is why God reserves certain kind of emotional connection with only one person. The person you are permitted to share your body and soul with all your life. The reason I also tell people, don’t spend eternity in so called “courtship”, courtship is a passage to the room of marriage, not the room itself.

If you are truly emotionally connecting in that courtship, it’s just a matter time, your body will develop magnetic attraction towards each other, so be cautious.

It becomes increasing difficult to restrict people from your body whom you have given access to your heart.

Many ladies do not realize this fact so they fall into indiscretional sexual affairs.

That is possible because you may not be committed to someone, but once you are deeply emotionally connected to the person, you will eventually compromise to that person.

Emotional connection is how we transfer needed emotional nutrients from one person to another. You get emotionally nurtured through emotional connection and you also nurture others through emotional connection.

Whosoever you are not connected to cannot be affected by you. And once you are not connected with someone, you cannot affect the person. Connection thus is the key to influence both even in life, business and relationship

A leader needs connection to lead, he is able to reach within his followers that are looking up to him and add values, character qualities that will turn them into success.

A father needs connection to father properly, a mother needs connection to care for her family, husband and wife needs connection to grow together.

The best way to protect your spouse emotionally is to maintain a strong emotional connection with them. That way you can nurture them spiritually and intellectually. You will be able to add values to their lives.

It’s in connection that we are healed emotionally, those who are not in an healthy connection will be emotionally sick.

CONFESS THIS
My heart has healthy emotional connections in Jesus name and my heart is secure in my connection with God .
PRAY THIS
Lord, severe me from every wrong emotional connections I have made in the past or present in, connect me emotionally with the right person in Jesus name
DO THIS
Stop any illicit sexual affairs or wrong emotional communication and pray for divine disconnection from the wrong people.
STUDY THIS
I john 3:1-3
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QUESTION AND ANSWER: HOW CAN I AVOID CHANGE IN MY RELATIONSHIP

HOW CAN I AVOID CHANGE IN MY RELATIONSHIP

QUESTION AND ANSWER
Sir, I am presently in a relationship that was initiated by God, and I love the person but am afraid I will change towards him when we get married. Like I may not be submissive, or I may be rude or something etc. Please sir, How do I ensure that I don’t change?

ANSWER
Fear is automatic when insight is lacking. So every fear in a relationship is a product of lack of wisdom in that area and that is nothing to be ashamed of, we are all ignorant, it’s just that it is to different degrees.
Now the issue of change is something we must understand. While people are hoping they do not change or their spouse should not change, I pray they do. Even God hopes they change
What?
Yes, you and your spouse must keep changing.
If you both are not changing, then you do not have a relationship.
The truth is change is constant in life. You are either changing for worse or changing for better.
The problem thus is not change, the problem is unplanned change.
If you don’t plan change, you will be shortchanged.
If both of you do not plan change, you both will be short changed.
So as you are in a relationship or you are going into marriage both you and your partner must plan your positive change process…not the phrase…POSITIVE CHANGE
Positive Change is about both of you growing, it’s about both if you getting better every day. If you are the same way you were five years after you have married, then you are stagnant in your marriage. I do not say you should change for worse, what am saying is keep changing for better. If you were once loving, you must now be more loving, if you were kind before, you must be getting better at kindness. If you were sacrificial before, you must be more sacrificial. You relationship must be changing for better

Prov 4:18
8 But the path of the just is like the shining sun, That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. NKJV

The issue here is people don’t expect change.
They do not plan for change, Let alone plan for positive change.
And even most people resist change.
But change is constant. There is a nothing you can do about it. Everything in life is created to change that is why we have hope, things can always get better…Halleluyah
That is why you and your spouse must be divinely ordained by God, if not, both of you will change for worse and you won’t be compactible later on.
The other thing is if one of you is growing and changing for better and the other is not, then problem will arise later on. If you don’t grow together, you will grow apart.
Men must especially take note this: if you are improving in your career and your wife is not growing, she may soon become obsolete in your life, so unity demands both of you plan your growth in all aspects of your life.
Financially, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, physically, in all areas
Read books, attend trainings, go for workshops. Do it together. Ensure that you plan your change together that way you won’t be afraid of anything.
God bless you.

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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HEART POINT 6

HEART POINTS 6

If anger is your natural way of expressing yourself in a relationship then you are a wrong candidate for relationship

An emotion you refuse to deal with will definitely deal with you.

Maturity is the capacity to take personal responsibility for your thoughts, words and emotions. It is knowing fully well that you are responsible for your responses to people and no one can be blamed for how you behave

We are often in the habit of taking people we supposedly love for granted while we pretend to care for those who don’t know us well enough to give a hoot about us. Your loved one’s deserve your best behaviours, please give it to them.

. Anyone in a relationship with an angry person is in a relationship with trouble.

The greatest subtlety that makes anger thrive is the delusion that it can be excused. The mentality that “I should get angry and it’s my right to get angry”. Once you have this excuse, anger will fester in your life like a virus and will damage vital things in your life.

What we lose from anger is often more than what we gain from it

Relationship should be a healing place not a battle place where we hurt one another.

Behind every negative emotion is an underlying negative fuels that powers them, your ability to eliminate the fuel determines if the fire will stay or not.

Anger blocks flow of creative ideas needed to solve problems, it blinds you to the most obvious solutions and keeps you in the dark. So it is wise to hold your peace and ask for God’s help to resolve the situation in question…

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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FUELS OF RAGE

FUELS OF RAGE

Behind every negative emotion is an underlying negative fuels that powers them, your ability to eliminate the fuel determines if the fire will stay or not.

Gen 4:6-7
Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? NIV

Anger usually cannot stand by itself; it needs support legs of other wrong emotions and wrong belief systems. It requires fuelling for the fire of rage to continue. We said earlier, some of the fuel that sponsors anger arey
1. Fear
2. Past emotional hurts
3. Lack of wisdom in responding to situations

Let’s try and see what other thoughts or emotions can sponsor anger

FRUSTRATIONS
Frustration is the feeling that despite all your effort you aren’t getting the required result. Most frustrated people get into desperation trying to do all it takes to get the result. It’s quite easy that one more thing that goes wrong can tip the frustrated person into an emotional outburst. In a way, this is a cry for help but done in a very destructive way. The tendency usually exists that the more you get angry because of your frustration, the more frustrated you become because anger would often worsen the situation, not make it better. Anger blocks flow of creative ideas needed to solve problems, it blinds you to the most obvious solutions and keeps you in the dark. So it is wise to hold your peace and ask for God’s help to resolve the situation in question or for God to give you the wisdom you need to know what to do.
EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION
A hungry man is a potentially angry man. The same goes in a relationship. Once a person’s emotional needs are not being met in a relationship, there is a tendency for the person to get cranky, frustrated and angry. If you are in a relationship where your spouse is always getting angry find out what you are not supplying in terms of emotional needs. If you are the person who is getting unduly angry, ask yourself what is that am being deprived and am indirectly crying for help but do not know it. Being aware of what underlies an emotion helps you to resolve it easily, everyone needs love to survive especially if you are in a relationship where you require the emotional nourishment of your spouse, then you must identify lack of such nourishment as a root cause.
STRESSED
Some people become totally unpleasant when they are stressed physically, while this may feel like a genuine reason to blow of the roof. Imagine meeting someone who you mistakenly step on his toe and he or she got enraged so much you wonder if you killed their mother. “Try not to do to others what you won’t desire them to do to you”. It’s thus crucial to identify the high stress times and make a deliberate effort to stay calm and cool with the grace of God on your side. But note that if this stressful condition continues for a long time, you will lack the will power to control your emotions, your best bet is to rest sufficiently to calm down your nerves.

DEFENSVENESS
Anger many times can become a tool used by many of us to defend ourselves from people who constantly condemns or blame us for doing one thing or the other wrong. We have been made to feel guilty so much that we simply get angry once someone mentions anything close to that topic. We are trying to protect ourselves from the pain of guilt and self-condemnation. So be careful in your relationship, stop looking for scape goats all the times. When things go wrong, stop asking, “Who did this or who did that” looking for who to blame always causes tension in the air and emotions will start flaring as soon as you find culprit. Even if you know who to blame for something, refuse to blame, just solve the problem and help the person save face. Most people already have enough heavy burdens of guilt and shame they are carrying up and down, they do not need you to add to it, especially not in a relationship. Some people are always accusing their spouse of one thing or the other, if you put him or her in a defensive mode all the time, you may grooming a defensive person and have an angry person on your hands to deal with all the days of you married life.

PRIDE AND LOWSELF ESTEEM
Pride easily gets angry because he is always trying to protect his ego from being bruised. He is so inflamed in his sense of impotence such that if any one makes him feel lesser than that consciously or unconsciously, they would react in anger towards that person.
Note also that pride is a compensatory mechanism for low self-esteem, so you see how that pride is afraid of losing worth and getting humiliated, so anger becomes a way to protect their pride or to gain self-esteem. Some people cut others down in anger in other to gain their self-importance.

In summary, we establish the fact that anger really is telling us about deeper issues and problems that we are having, so next time you get angry ask yourself that, is this anger really about and allow God to deal with that issue in your life

CONFESS THIS
Lord I refuse every negative fuel perpetually sponsoring anger in my life in jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, purge me of wrong thoughts and emotions in jesus name.

DO THIS
Prayerfully Read all the previous articles on anger and apply them appropriately

STUDY THIS
Prov 26;17-22

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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ANGRY BUT HURTING

ANGRY BUT HURTING
(part 3 Emotional Outburst)

Anger is a deception that attempts to protect one against hurts. Anger is a sign of deep rooted emotional wounds that we are nursing in our souls. As a matter of fact, when you see someone get angry, you have seen someone who is afraid of getting wounded and hurt by the object of anger or the situation.

Prov 19:11
“The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression”

How does emotional wounds come, they come from things that has been done to us from our past, hurtful words, adverse situations, a certain failure, an oppression, anything that causes us intense pain in the past can trigger extreme anger in the future if we have not been healed from them.
Most people who are controlled by anger are actually like that because they are trying to prevent the past from repeating itself. They are afraid of pain of loss or pain of one thing or the other. Someone in my past did something terrible to me that hurt me, broke my heart, caused me losses, inflicted me with pain, so therefore I come up with rules unconsciously that states what people are permitted to do in my life or not, what words or actions are permitted and as soon as someone begins to break that rule I get provoked and react in anger. Why? The reason is because I feel that if this person does this thing, it will hurt me again, or if I do not punish this person by hurting them back through my angry words or actions, they might repeat it. So therefore anger becomes a means of punishment for people in other to prevent them from doing such to us, we take vengeance through anger to get back at our source of threat or possible source of pain.
Understanding this is very crucial, it makes you able to understand angry people and help them to put their anger into perspective. We must understand that the aim of anger is to eliminate source of threat. Anger’s objective is to identify what wants to cause us pain and then “destroy’ that thing. Why does anger try to eliminate source of threat, because he doesn’t want to be hurt by that threat again, so notice people who get angry easily, they have been hurt in the past immensely and the only way they know to cope with that situation, the only way they know to prevent themselves from getting hurt is by the fierceness of anger, so anger becomes a form of protect wall for them, yet anger doesn’t exactly protect us, it exposes us to more hurts. In our bid to protect ourselves, we hurt the people in our lives instead. When we hurt the people that we supposedly care about, it becomes increasingly difficult to have joy and peace ourselves. As at that moment when we are angry we may feel powerful and in control, we may even feel a sense of security, since “you won’t take nonsense” and “next time, they won’t try that nonsense with you” but when anger subsides, then we begin to hurt out of regrets and guilt. We may have lost integrity and our reputation.
“What we lose from anger is often more than what we gain from it”
The fear of pain is always at the root of anger. The fearful anticipation that you may hurt by people often provokes anger in them. It is thus important to respond to angry people with understanding and gentleness, find out what they are afraid of, find out why they are reacting that way, respond with empathy and understanding. Help them to alleviate their fears, make them feel secured and protected. Their anger should not provoke you to anger, that would be a very wrong response. You must respond with understanding.
If he gets angry with you over a matter, find out what exactly in that situation is responsible for his fears, what hurt or pain from the past is that situation reminding him of? What wrong belief does he have that makes him react like that? If he gets angry with you anytime he sees you talking with another guy, don’t get angry at him that he is always jealous; your response should be that of assurance. Tell him, he should understand that no one can ever replace him in your life, that you are sorry you took so much time with that person, let him know no one can access your heart except him. And don’t just say it, act it and let him see that you make him a priority in your life.
“Relationship should be a healing place not a battle place where we hurt one another.”
In this true life example, A young lady whose father left their mother in a divorce for another woman obviously would have a very strong jealousy issue, because every time she sees you with another lady she is reminded of what happens to her mother and she fights with you. Don’t complain about her, just reassure her and prioritize her, she needs healing and total acceptance. This actually happened to a lady I met who had a romantic interest in me but would be very jealouse when she sees talking me with ladies in my church or school. I later realized her jealousy had nothing to do with me but everything to do with her past with her parent’s divorce. Even though God never permitted a relationship with her, yet, she would be jealouse. Why should a lady be jealouse over someone she is not even in a relationship with? That’s the result of past hurts.
Maybe the lady in your life gets angry whenever you say a joke, you refer to her in a funny way, she may feel humiliated and angry, she may be reminded of those who made mockery of her in the past and she may react out of anger at seemingly innocuous statements, don’t react back in anger, she may not be able to respond appropriately to comments that sounds close to ridicule. What you must do is constantly say words that encourage her, words that put confidence in her, words of affirmation, always speak to sooth her heart and her emotions. You must become like a healer in your relationship. Allay her fears, make your relationship a conducive place for her to flourish, refrain from actions or words that can make her hurt or afraid, and in case you mistakenly hurt her , apologize and help sooth her emotions.
This is one aspect of relationship people don’t understand. Conflict will always happen if you are not sensitive to the emotions of people and if you don’t know what triggers people’s emotional wounds from the past, you will constantly get into a fight with them. Why do people fight with us, they fight because they are trying to stop you from being a source of pain to them. People fight to get the love or acceptance they have been deprived of or to get healed. So when you notice any little reaction of anger or withdrawal in people, identify what is hurting them and do your best to help them to heal.
CONFESS THIS
I receive grace to be sensitive to the emotions of people around me and to be a healer hearts and not a killer in jesus name
PRAY THIS
Lord, every emotional hurts in the past that predisposes me to unhealthy anger. Heal me of it in jesus name.

DO THIS
Pray for your spouse for emotional healing and call their attention to whatever is triggerring this anger from the past so that they can be healed by the holyspirit.

STUDY THIS
Psm 23:1-6

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR COOL…

BEFORE YOU LOSE YOU COOL….

You can’t lose your temper and not lose your senses with it. Those who hold their peace are wise, so be wise.

Eccl 7:9
9 Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools. NKJV
Anger is a very tricky emotion, once you give it a foothold it will take over your world The greatest subtlety that makes anger thrive is the delusion that it can be excused. The mentality that I should get angry and it’s my right to get angry. Once you have this excuse, anger will fester in your life like a virus and will damage vital things in your life. Have you noticed that anger in itself never really changes anything except for worse, because whatever positive change you acquire through anger and strife will not only be temporary, it will also require constant outburst to maintain.
You got angry with her the last time not to repeat that mistake, and she did, now you are angrier that despite your last anger and warning, she or he still repeated the mistake. If you don’t stop that cycle of anger, it will hang you on a hanger.
It is foolishness to be angry over something that you can predict will get you angry.
Yet that is what happens all the time. Most of us know what gets us angry but because we think they are good enough reasons to be angry we permit the emotions of anger to reign. I mean, the moment you know something can provoke you, can’t you choose for it not to provoke you again. I mean why won’t you learnt from your last episode and choose that the next time this situation happens again, I will not react that way? That means you are growing. But the moment you permit the lie that anger is excusable, the moment you think it’s you right to be angry, you become irresponsible with your emotion.
Growth is the capacity to have a gradual improvement in every area of your, physically, spiritually and especially emotionally overtime, it is being better today than you were yesterday in each area of your life. Any growth that doesn’t include an improvement in your emotional response to situations and people is fake, since real growth is reflects majorly in our emotional responses.
The other delusion of anger is the excuse that other people makes us feel anger we noted yesterday that that is not true since we are responsible for how we respond to what people do to us.
To control anger you must understand it. And we will attempt to help us to appreciate it.
Anger is a habit formed from a wrong mind-set that we learn as we grew up. We saw people around us get ‘results’ through anger and we just simply copy them, our father will usually blow off the top of the roof when something goes wrong, now that you are a father, and you are almost blowing up the top of the head of your wife. That’s why it is unwise to defend an emotion you display, since you learnt it, you can unlearn it. It is not the best you can be, it’s just the best you presently know, so you can choose to Change. Whatever we learnt in the past can be unlearnt in the moment and overtime. But we must understand how to deal with this emotion.

Anger is a negative emotion whose attempt is to take control of a situation that is getting out of control. Anger operates from a perception of threat to our wellbeing. It actually originates from fear.
An angry person thus is a fearful person trying to fight his source of perceived danger.
Mind you, the danger is a perception. Not necessarily a reality. Most of what we are angry about are really due to how we think, not based on the situation itself. If not, why is it that what made you angry made others to laugh, sometimes what got us angry actually makes others to respond with compassion. That is why your anger is actually a sign of how ignorant you are. The wiser you are, the better you respond emotionally to situations. That is why anger still has its address in the bosom of a fool
Assumptions are the fuels of the fire of rage. Most angry people will assume the worse possible about people and situations. They are sure the person did what he did intentionally, they are sure the other person is trying to cheat them or take them for granted, they are sure she meant what she did not say, that the way he or she looks at them actually means something hidden. Angry people always have a reason to be angry and that is the problem. Until you change your mind-set and know that there is no good reason on earth to be angry you will still continue to struggle with anger.
As a matter of fact, anger is a fool’s easy way out of a simple situation that got complicated because of lack of wisdom on the fool’s part. The more wisdom you have the less angry you get. So next time you get angry, pause and ask yourself, what exactly is the truth about this situation, what is the best way to see this, what is the best response to that situation. That you are angry means you have wrong believes about that situation so take a moment and meditate, and do not just get angry, people who are thoughtful and prayerful will rarely be wrathful, and prayerful people will diffuse seemingly complicated situations with peace and everything gets settled amicable.

CONFESS THIS
I choose to live in peace with everyone and in every situation. At my home, workplace, on the road, everywhere I go to, peace reigns there in Jesus name.

PRAY THIS
Lord, I receive divine wisdom that makes me respond to situation with peace in Jesus name. I refuse to be a fool at any time, I am wise in Jesus name

DO THIS
Plan ahead never to get angry about any situation but f you find yourself in anger stop and think then pray about how you feel, tell God to take control of both your emotions and the situation.

STUDY THIS
PHILIP. 4:4-9

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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EMOTIONAL OUTBURST

EMOTIONAL OUTBURST

If anger is your natural way of expressing yourself in a relationship then you are a wrong candidate for relationship

Prov 16:32
Better to be slow to anger than to be a mighty warrior, and one who controls his temper is better thang one who captures a city.

No one is safe with an angry person, in fact Solomon said not to make friend with one, you know why? An angry person will hurt you and everybody he or she is in a relationship with. Anger will damage a relationship more than the many ‘sorrys’ that you can say after you have destroyed things angrily. An angry person will say things they could never take back, do things that would ruin years of hard work and investment. Don’t take your emotional outburst as natural or normal, if you do, it will natural lead you into trouble all the time. An emotion you refuse to deal with will definitely deal with you. So you must recognise this monster of anger and eliminate it before it destroys you and your loved ones.
Emotional outburst is not your personality, it is a problem, stop defending it. Some people say “that’s the way I am, I get angry quickly and that’s all”, my question is “why can’t you learn how to control yourself instead of allowing that anger to control you?”
I hear things like, “he got me angry or she got me angry.” Nooo! No one can get you angry except you. People have the right to do or say anything they want, but you have an equal duty to not allow what people do or say to affect you. Since you cannot control what people will do or say, please learn to control yourself.
The truth is there is nothing in this world that is worth losing your cool over, am sure you can think of a thousand things that you can explain as good enough reason to be angry about but the truth is “must you really be angry?” can’t you choose to be calm no matter what. Most times we get angry at people that we can control if not why is it that the last time your boss in the office said something that offended you didn’t dare to burst out in anger, you were still smiling and thanking him? You were wise enough to know that your temper is not worth losing together with your pay check. If you can control your temper in front of your boss, why can’t you do the same for your spouse.
Maturity is the capacity to take personal responsibility for your thoughts, word and emotions. It is knowing fully well that you are responsible for your responses to people and no one can be blamed for how you behave
Some will argue that a healthy relationship should be a place of free expression of your feelings, exactly why many people are freely losing their marriages. If you think you can become careless with your spouse and ‘freely’ get angry with him or her, you may push this person to look for solace somewhere else. We are often in the habit of taking people we supposedly love for granted while we pretend to care for those who don’t know us well enough to give a hoot about us. Your loved one’s deserve your best behaviours, please give it to them.
Most people get angry in an effort to control situations or people yet “your red eye can’t control anything” if you want to control anything, then try controlling yourself. A man who have mastered his own emotions is better than a man who has conquered a great city. Anyone in a relationship with an angry person is in a relationship with trouble. If you are the one please get out of it especially if the relationship wasn’t initiated by God in the first place. An angry man can even have a successful relationship with himself, talk less of with someone else, he will ruin it with his anger
Relationship is not a place to test emotional bombs and see how explosive your temper can be. Don’t say things like “if he or she loves me, he or she will accept me and my emotional out burst” the truth is, if you love them “you will not hurt or injure them with your emotional outburst.”
Most people who cannot control their love desires will often not be able to control their anger as well. Since they have not learnt and mastered their love emotions, they won’t be able to master their emotion of anger too. They haven’t learnt patient through waiting, they haven’t learnt to deny themselves of some emotional gratifications, they always want relationship and they want it now. They often will get angry with their partner if they are not getting the satisfaction they want from that person. To them anger is a form of controlling others and manipulating them. These people who are prone to entering relationship indiscriminately will often get angry this way too. They are often very lovely and kind at first but they will easily lose their temper because they never owned it in the first place.so be careful with easy to get babes or guys, not that playing hard means patience, but that someone is nice on the outside doesn’t mean the person doesn’t have anger issues, so be careful
Note, it is not manly to be angry; it is childish to be angry so please be a man and hold your peace.
Most angry people are also fearful people; anger is a sign of weakness and timidity. As opposed to what most of us think, anger is not a sign of strength, it’s a sign of weakness. They may appear strong on the surface, but their anger is a cover up for what they are afraid of. So when next you get angry, ask yourself what am I afraid of?

CONFESS THIS
I take personal responsibility for my emotions from now on, I will take control of it in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, help me to become wise enough to control my emotions in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Watch out for every moment of anger and tell yourself that’s not the best response, then pray to God to help you. Choose not to respond to situations whenever you are angry, wait until you are calm

STUDY THIS
Math 5:21-26

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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HEART POINTS 5

HEART POINTS 5

The desire that doesn’t come from God will take you far from God. If it takes you far from God it’s not Love, it’s Lust.

Desires cannot be totally eliminated, they can only be replaced by other better desires.

Every desire requires an object for satisfaction, the danger of desires lies in looking to the wrong things to satisfy an otherwise healthy desire.

What determines what should be the object of our affection shouldn’t be what we think, or what our society says, it should be what the word of God says about that need in our lives.

True love is first a spiritual decision than just an emotion.

True love is a decision based on an instruction from God to love one person as your life partner for the rest of your life

Someone can be good and still not be good for you in a relationship…so ask God who is good for you, not who is good.

God’s silence over your relationship question doesn’t imply consent, more often than not it means “No”, so learn that.

If your love for someone has a reason behind it, then what you are feeling is not true love, since if that person loses that quality your love will evaporate and true love never fails

An emotional need is not necessarily lacking in true love, but that need is secondary , instruction is primary

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PASSIONATELY SANE

PASSIONATELY SANE

One thing you must understand about all our emotional desires and every attraction we feel and experience for people is that they are not out of control, they are not just erratic, they can be mastered, redirected and controlled. This will happen the moment you understand the dynamics of these emotions, how they originate and how they operate, you will be able to take charge of your desire by the power of the holy Spirit that is on the inside of you.

Ps 4:4
Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. NKJV

A word of caution here though, you must understand that the control of your emotional desires will not happen overnight, it won’t be instantaneous, since they were formed into such strong strongholds over many years, it will take you weeks and months to gain mastery, but you will experience daily improvements corresponding to the degree of personal investment you put into working on yourself.

The first thing you must do is:

Become aware of your internal emotional experiences on a regular basis.
The question here is “what am I feeling right now?” Or “What is the name of the emotion that I am feeling?”
Every emotion has a name and what they imply when you experience them.
Seven basic emotions include.
Anger, sadness, happiness, love, hatred, curiosity, fear
The emotion we are talking about here is that of love or attraction for something. We have tried to expansiate on this emotion previously so all we need to do is become aware and define them
The second question is; what is the object of this emotion and why?
Who am I targeting this emotion of affection towards and why?
Why this guy? Why this girl? Is there a reason why I like this person? Is it a character I saw or their appearance? Is it what they have or the way they do things?
Most of us are drawn by some certain attributes or qualities in people that we perceive will satisfy some certain deep needs on the inside of us, so the question is why do I love this particular person? The way you know this is that if that particular attribute is totally removed form that person, would you still be attracted towards them? If the answer is no! then you have nailed the sponsoring attribute that stimulated your desires in the first place, this is off course apart from the fact that you just have a need to be loved.
If your love for someone has a reason behind it, then what you are feeling is not true love, since if that person loses that quality you love will evaporate and true love never fails
Thirdly; What need in me are my hoping or anticipating they will satisfy.
Is it a need to be loved and accepted?
Is it a need to be cherished and cared for?
Is it just security that I am looking for?
Am I looking for survival?
Or is it my spiritual needs that this person is meeting?
Asking these questions opens your eyes and helps you to think about how you feel, so that you can take control of how you feel by the mind of Christ
Note: a need is not necessarily lacking in true love, but that need is secondary , instruction is primary

Fourthly, Is this person right for me? Should this person be the one to meet this need?
To answer this question you must understand what a God says about this desire that you have. Only someone that you intend to marry can you target some certain emotions towards, this leads us to the next question
What is God’s take about this person? Have i asked God about what he thinks about what am feeling.
Have I prayed about it or am just operating by my personal belief about this person?
The next thing is
Refuse to act out your emotions
Stop feeding your heart with anything that will stir up your emotions. Novels, movies, spending time fantasizing and imagining things
Redirect your emotions towards loving God.
Meditating on the word of God is very powerful in replacing wrong thought systems with the right thoughts that will generate the correct emotions on your inside,
Meditation involves searching suitable scriptures that is relevant to our thoughts and emotions and analyzing them with the aim to understand and internalize them, the more your thoughts are focused on the word of God, the more control you have over your emotions and thoughts.
Also remember telling God how you feel and calling him to help you control your emotions very key. Since the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man avails much
And remember, control is gradual, you didn’t get this way overnight, so it will require time and discipline to attain mastery. And if you fail, ask God for Grace and keep trying.

CONFESS THIS
Lord, thank you because your spirit helps me to be emotionally and passionately sane.

PRAY THIS
Lord I pray that you fill me up with your spirit of peace joy and wisdom to help me remain in you in every aspect of my life

DO THIS
Worship regularly to be filled by the spirit, focus on his spirit and your emotions will get under.

STUDY THIS
EPHESIANS 5:15-20

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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ARE YOU THE ONE FOR ME?

ARE YOU THE ONE FOR ME?

Every desire requires an object for satisfaction, the danger of desires lies in looking to the wrong things to satisfy an otherwise healthy desire.

Judg 14:1-3
Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. 2 When he returned, he said to his father and mother, “I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife.” NIV
A divinely established law for every Jew given by God even till date is the law concerning who they can marry or not marry. An Israelite was not permitted by the law of the land to go outside his nationality to pick a bride or a husband. It’s like God saying to them: “you can eat from every tree in this garden of Israel, but I beg of thee, thou shall not eat of the tree of other nations; they are simply not healthy for your soul”. This is what God specifically said in Deuteronomy 7:3-4 “you shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. 4 For they will turn your sons away from following me, to serve other gods”. This commandment especially apply to a Nazarene like Samson who cannot eat everything normal people eat, talk less of marry just any one because he was ‘in Love’ with the person. So why did Samson desire always seem to have the wrong set of girls as an object of desire? We will realize that that was one of undoing of Samson

The conflict arises in our desires when we begin to look for satisfaction from an illegitimate source. In other words, sometimes it may not be that my desires are unhealthy, I may have the right amount of passion, it is just that I have a passion for the wrong thing; my object of desires is not healthy for me.

How is it possible that I have a right desire but have the wrong object of desire? This happens when I learn to attach my desires to the wrong things. The way we have been brought up many times often imply to us that once you have this kind of feeling, this is the way you should go about expressing that feeling and satisfying the need being signaled by that desire. So if I am hungry I am told I should cook certain food, if I am thirsty I am told I should take certain drinks, if I want to relax, I learnt to use certain entertainment materials, all these are not necessarily bad in themselves except of course when I learnt the wrong things to satisfy an otherwise healthy need and desire.

If for example I learn that when I am hungry I should steal someone else’s food to eat then something is wrong. My desire is good but my object of desire belongs to someone else, it is therefore unlawful for me to pursue it. This is called covetousness.
I can have a healthy need to relax but if I am sold the fact that I should relax having sex with a girl am not married to, then I am satisfying an otherwise healthy need with the wrong person.
I may be thirsty but if every time I feel thirsty I am told that it is a highly concentrated alcohol that I should drink to relax, then it is dangerous for me.

The real issue here is that we have the wrong belief about what should meet how real needs. I have imbibed the wrong mindset about the object that should satisfy my desires, so I will of course choose wrongly

When I am thirsty for example what I need is water not alcohol, but when I learn from my environment that ‘big boys drink alcohol’, then I get myself into some kind of trouble. Mind you, some things are not necessarily sinful in the context of ‘thou shall not ‘, but neither are they helpful for us, and whatever will not help you might end up destroying you , so be careful

What determines what should be the object of our affection shouldn’t be what we think, or what our society says, it should be what the word of God says about that need in our lives.

There are healthy means to satisfy every need and there are some needs that are not permitted to be satisfied outside a certain context and until a certain time, so we must wait and be patient until it is time to satisfy that need.

There are some needs that only God can direct you to the object of your desire, that happens especially when it comes to marital issue, the truth is you cannot just fall in love with any one and choose to marry them, anyone who preaches to you or tries to persuade you to do so is leading you astray, marital choices must be made by following God’s direct instruction and leading for you. Emotions cannot determine your direction in this context, instruction has to, even when I am in a relationship with the right person, I still cannot satisfy my need for physical intimacy explicitly with that person since it is not time yet. That can only be done securely inside the marriage bed

So we must be careful of the following

Wrong object
Wong timing
Wrong place
Wrong people

These are the demise of wrongly targeted desires.

The word of God must be my standard and the voice of the spirit must be my guidance when it comes to making choices to satisfy any desire on my inside. No matter how much you feel for that babe now please do not assume nor resume a relationship with her without a clear cut word from God that is not based on emotions.
True love is first a spiritual decision than just an emotion. True love is a decision based on an instruction from God to love that person as your wife or husband. So you must tame that passion trying to run ahead of you. Ask yourself critically is this person or this thing the right object of my desire. If the answer is no! then you need to change your mindset that even attracted you to that thing in the first place. Deliberately purge you mind of every unhealthy thought patterns you may have learnt over time. This can be done daily in the place of meditation, where you search your heart and discern wrong feelings and wrong though patterns there and then you prayerfully replace them by the truth of the word of God. This requires diligence, consistency and patience since these desires has taken deep root in us and has been there overtime. But the pain of discipline here is beneficial to your overall emotion and mental health in the long run.
CONFESS THIS
Thank you Lord I have the right desires, I follow the right timing, I am at the right place at the right time and I will always be with the right person in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, give me the patience to wait on you so as to receive the gift of the person you desire for me. Help me not to run ahead of you to have my needs met.

DO THIS
Before you go for anyone who you are attracted to, make it a point of duty to ensure you ask God about that person. Do not make any move until God speaks

STUDY THIS
Rom 8:12-25

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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EMOTIONAL INDULGENCE

EMOTIONAL INDULGENCE
(PART 4 WHY WE LOVE THE WAY WE DO)

The desire that doesn’t come from God will take you far from God. If it takes you far from God it’s not Love, it’s Lust. That’s why we must identify these wrong desires and their roots so as to up root them
NKJV

A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb,
But to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Prov 27:7

I have said there are three things that can be wrong with our desires
I have a perverted or dysfunctional need
I look at the wrong thing and object to have my functional needs met
Or I go through the wrong means or method to have those needs met.

INDULGENCE
The mere fact that a man is over eating means that he is not easily satisfied, so don’t envy people that are jumping from one relationship to another or having more than one person to satisfy their ravenous relationship needs, it is a sign of poverty and hunger of their souls.
In the medical world, one of the ways we can develop unhealthy hunger is when we begin to over eat from a tender age, over eating easily leads to various complications in our lives, such as obesity and all the results of obesity which of cause can lead to things like hypertension and diabetes, but we are not treating medical issues here, we are here to treat heart and relationship issues. So, what has this got to do with desires, people who do not discipline their appetite early in their lives and they started out with all kinds of wrong relationships early in their lives often end up with unhealthy appetites which then culminates in unhealthy desires.
She is barely fourteen but because she has all the anatomical structures of a fully grown woman she has started experimenting with different relationships from that tender age.
She has consumed all manner of romantic novels from childhood and has watched all the sexually explicit movies shown on the cable TVs and the local stations, now she is in her late teens and her passions are out of control, she doesn’t even wait for men to pursue her anymore, she does the pursing.
The media has helped breed a generation of people whose desires are ravenous, we are a generation that is completely out of control and we think that this is normal. We mentioned yesterday that there are two ways that our needs can get perverted,
By deprivation
By indulgence
We explored deprivation yesterday, today we are exploring indulgence.
Indulgence is the art of yielding indiscriminately to every of our desires. It is gratifying self without any restraining order. It is lack of self-control.
No one can fully be in control of his or herself when he is constantly indulging.
Like I mentioned earlier, the media has done a lot of damages in ensuring we are romanticized and passionately incubated with all the wrong notions about relationships. We are a generation that has been ‘sexualized’ and ‘nudified’. Imagine as a child you actually have an exposure to pornography either directly or indirectly when they are sandwiched in our daily adverts, soaps and magazines , right from that tender age your immature desires are being extremely driven and here you are as a teenager having a desire like that of adults.
You my reader can tell from what age you were exposed to romance novels, nude pictures on bill boards or even outright pornographic materials, you can testify to the bombardment of your senses with relationship excitements from a tender age, not every one of us have a Christian back ground, some of us were brought up in a home that lack any solid moral principles.so because of all these exposures our emotions has been hijacked by forces outside us and now we are left to cope with an excessive desire for men or women around us
Some even had their first sexual experience at that tender age and they have had several sexual encounters since then. With such experiences in our memories what hope lies ahead for control and discipline. I even know some people who started having so called ‘romantic’ relationships since they are ten years old. With such indulgence from a tender age how do we expect healthy adults? Not like the indulgence stops as we grow up any way, since it is worse for us in this generation where we are being sold everything by the feeding of our desires, this cannot be productive for any one that wants to live a decent existence
We must start where we are to renew our minds.
We must first begin by submitting our desires to God for him to help us, I told some people in a meeting that desires cannot be eliminated, they can only be replaced by other better desires.
If you have the excess desires for the wrong relationships, you must then take those desires to God and let him take over those desires, fall in love with him, tell him to take your passion, you must begin to fellowship with him and desire him more than ever before.
You must also reduce your exposure or experiences of the wrong desires, ask God for grace to break loose form unhealthy habits and to give you the power to not subject yourself to the wrong influences anymore.
It will do you well to actually go on a fast. Fast food, fast friends, fast entertainment materials, fast places that you go to, just fast. It may not be easy at first but as you continue you will experience progress.
You didn’t become like this in one day, your needs has been damaged for a long time, it isn’t going to be an overnight job for God to change you, he will require time to help change your heart and don’t worry if you fail, because you may, just get back up and go back to him to help you and continue on your transformation process with him.
In our next devotional, we finalize this series by exploring possible ways to curtail and cure wrong desires. Stay blessed.

CONFESS THIS
Thank you lord for the insights to my desires, I believe that they will yield fruits of righteousness in my life. Lord I surrender my heart to you, take complete control of it in Jesus name

PRAY THIS
Lord, any wrong emotion on rampage in my soul is curtailed by the power of the holy ghost and replaced by your own love desire in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Practice emotional fast from anyone or anything that stirs up your desires unnecessarily.

STUDY THIS

1 COR 6: 12-20

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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HEART POINTS 4

HEART POINTS 4

Quotes about relationships that impacts wisdom for success in relationship and marriage.

1. To run your relationship life by just emotions is like putting a maniac on the driver seat of your life, accident is imminent.

2. Don’t get carried away by people with strong desires for you (without a soild revelation about you), do not feel flattered by them or you may be flattened

3. You cannot remain in a wrong relationship because you feel needed and desired to be desired

4. You don’t run relationship by sentiments, you run it by the truth, by principles.

5. To live with an untamed desire is to live with a time bomb; it’s just a matter of time it will explode

6. A sick heart cannot produce a healthy desire .

7. If you are not whole as a single, you will create a hole in the hearts of the people you rush into relationship with.

8. Any emotion you don’t want to give free reign to, must never be given life by your utterance.

9. Never fan a flame you don’t want its fire. And if you want its fire, make sure it’s your God given fire. Any marital fire that is not meant for you will burn you.

10. Attraction doesn’t necessarily imply relationship …so never make marital decisions only based on attraction alone…

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL (Q/A)

Should I express my feelings to someone whom I have love desires for?

QUESTION

Good morning sir. In reality, Why not walk up to the person and tell the person how you feel, telling the person how you feel doesn’t mean you are automatically asking the hand in marriage or courtship immediately, rather than keeping the feeling to one’s self and trying to master it. Sir, do you think the emotional time bomb will not affect (hurt) every area of life when it explode?

ANSWER

The question above insinuates a couple of wrong assumptions
…that Expressing your emotion to the object of affection is better than mastering the emotion
…That We can tell anyone how we feel about them without an intention for a serious relationship with them and still be okay
…Not telling someone else how one feels will hurt the bearer of the emotion or cause an emotional explosion

My answer to all the above insinuations is the following questions

Firstly, Many of us have been known to have feeling for several people during the course of our lives, are we then implying we should always tell everyone of them how we feel, Is that the right way? What happens to the scriptural self-control or guarding our hearts with all diligence part?

Secondly, Are we supposed to just play with people’s feeling by telling them how we feel even though we don’t necessarily want a relationship with them, are we saying it is okay to excite other people emotionally, bond with them without expecting a relationship for them to express it in?

Thirdly, does unexpressed emotions hurt people? are we supposed to utter our heart always and even if we want to express it must it, be to the person?.

We have to understand the nature of the emotion we are talking about and ask ourselves what is the appropriate way of responding to this emotion.

Love emotions we learnt are tricky and the last thing we want to do is allow the wrong love desire for someone who God hasn’t communicated to us as a life partner to run on rampage

A man who cannot control his spirit is like a city without walls.

That is why “any emotion you don’t want to give free reign to, must never be given life by your utterance”

.We must also ask ourselves, where is this feeling coming from? If the emotion is based on emotional need for relationship then we know we can’t give it expression. Any Love emotion that has No Clear cut revelation or Divine back up for follow up must be regarded as wrong emotion and dealt with appropriately. That means I must control it instead of express it.

Have you not noticed how many times you have had feelings for people, since you were a teenager, assuming you told everyone of them, can you imagine how much of a nuisance one would be considered.. I noticed it in my own life as a young person, my immature feelings would be attracted to someone and next year someone else becomes my obsession, my salvation is that I kept those feelings to myself and waited on God to help me with them. Never fan a flame you don’t want its fire. And if you want its fire, make sure it’s your God given fire. Any marital fire that is not meant for you will burn you.

Having said that, we must also realize that communicating our emotions with someone often forms emotional bonds with that person and the feedback will intensify the feeling instead of reducing it. It is true that emotional impressions without appropriate expressions can lead to depression, but it has never been known to lead to explosions. Moreover expression of wrong emotions to the wrong person will lead to a negative emotional chain reaction. So your best bet is to express this emotion to a matured Christian and let them counsel you concerning your feelings.

The other approach is to pray to God to remove this feeling for the wrong person since one cannot afford to tell the object of the affection.

The real issue here is agreeing that attraction doesn’t necessarily imply relationship and that every relationship must be by divine instruction (consult our articles on how to choose your life partner series, there are fifteen articles in that series, it would be of great help.)

I once told a lady who keeps having several emotional attractions with several guys, “you heart needs repairs, until your heart heals you can’t truly discern the right person.”

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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EMOTIONAL TIME BOMB!

EMOTIONAL TIME BOMB
(PART 3 WHY WE LOVE THE WAY WE LOVE)

To live with an untamed desire is to live with a time bomb; it’s just a matter of time it will explode

Judg 14:3
3 Then his father and mother said to him, “Is there no woman among the daughters of your brethren, or among all my people, that you must go and get a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” And Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she pleases me well.”

We started exploring the concept or experience of our desires in the context of our relationships and we began by looking at Samson. A vibrant young anointed man who was chosen from his mother’s womb for a special assignment to Israel. We saw how he was literarily unstoppable except by his desires for the wrong relationships.
Against his Nazarenes’ vow Samson began rendezvousing with the wrong girls and the wrong company. At the same time he was a threat to those he was in love with. It’s like Samson sleeping with the enemy and playing around with those that want him dead. And because of his ravenous desires, the philistines finally got him
Note here that the philistines were not the undoing of Samson, Samson could handle them man to man even if they are in their thousands. What destroyed Samson was not out there, it was inside him-his untamed desires.

Prov 25:28; Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.
NKJV
It’s amazing how many of us men can conquer the whole world but remain impotent when it comes to loving the people that matters most to us rightly. How we can discipline ourselves to climb professional ladders and achieve greatness in difficult fields of endeavor but we can’t even understand nor control our own desires.
To live with an untamed desire is to live with a time bomb; it’s just a matter of time it will explode. Desires in themselves are not wrong; they are only indicators of something deeper in our lives. The same way the feeling of hunger is not bad or wrong, it is only telling us that we need to eat food.
In fact desires are good, because without desires we will never be attracted or motivated to pursue those things that are good for us. That is why you will be frustrated if you find yourself in a relationship with someone with little or no desire, diminished desire has been known to cause break ups in marriages, since the wife won’t ‘do’ and the husband is always ‘too tired’. Is it not ironical that many young people have excess desire with their “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” in illicit relationships but many legally married people either lack desire or have low desire for who they are married to?
The problem is rooted in the mindset of these people, the hearts of these people are damaged and so they do not have the right desires in them for the right people. It’s either they have the right desires for the wrong people or they have the wrong desires for the right people.
A sick heart cannot produce a healthy desire . Great Anointing cannot heal sick heartsam
The cure to unhealthy desires is not total elimination (that would never happen anyways even if we fast and pray), it is revelation. We cannot remove our feelings, but we can master them, the only way to master them is by the power of the Holy Spirit as he enlightens us by the revelations of the word of God concerning this aspect of our lives. If most of us Christians know as much as we should know about our emotions we will rarely get into the trouble we get into.
So desires are not bad, desires are good. In fact desires can help us and propel us to do the follow
Pursue healthy relationships
Nurture our relationships
Fulfill the destiny of our relationships
So the real challenge we are facing doesn’t come because we have desires, so stop praying to God to take away your feelings. They are there for a purpose. You just need to understand them and control them. So that you can fulfill the purpose for their creation
We noted yesterday that deprivation is one way that our desires can get dysfunction, the cure to this is not pursuing relationships with man but to first pursue a love relationship with God and build healthy nonromantic friendships with people that will edify your spirit and nurture your soul. Strong desires from deprivation does not equip you to love people properly, it confuses you and pushes you to lusting after others. That is why I tell young people, if you are not whole as a single, you will create a hole in the hearts of the people you rush into relationship with. The healing of our emotions are possible if we allow God fill the void that we have inside us. Just pray to him to heal your heart and fill the void left by deprivation with the love of God.
We will continue tomorrow.
CONFESS THIS
I receive wholesomeness and health into my soul in Jesus name. My emotions are under the control and influence of the spirit of God and I am ruled by him only

PRAY THIS
Lord, make me emotionally whole .and heal every damage that is in my heart in Jesus name

DO THIS
Ensure you actually pray for your heart to be healed and for him to fill yoru soul with his Love.

STUDY THIS

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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WHY LOVE DESIRES GET OUT OF CONTROL (PART 2 WHY YOU LOVE THE WAY YOU DO)

WHY LOVE DESIRES GET OUT OF CONTROL
(PART 2 , WHY YOU LOVE THE WAY YOU DO )

To run your relationship life by just emotions is like putting a maniac on the driver seat of your life, accident is imminent.

Prov 30:15-17
There are three things that are never satisfied, Four never say, “Enough!”: 16 The grave,* The barren womb, The earth that is not satisfied with water — And the fire never says, “Enough!”

We started exploring desires and their chemistry yesterday and we noted that every desire is an indication of a silent need on the inside of us, we noted that desires in themselves are not a problem but when they get dysfunctional they can become a real issue.
How you know desires that are unhealthy is when they take over your life, directing you in exact opposite of what you know are right, they are excessive and on rampage. This is excessive desire.
The second way to recognize dysfunctional desire is to lack desire altogether. Both of them are signs of deep issues.
We listed three sources of problems as related to our desires
When we have perverted or dysfunctional needs
When we look at the wrong things and objects to have our functional needs met
Or when we go through the wrong means or method to have that need met.
Since desires are simply telling us there is a deep need in us, once these needs within us are unhealthy or perverted, then our emotions and desires will go on rampage equally
How do our needs get perverted, our needs can be perverted in two ways

Perversion by deprivation
Perversion by indulgence

Perversion by deprivation happens when our needs have gone unmet for a long time.
Remember the last time you went without food for a long time, the first thing you noticed was that throughout those times, you were very hungry, that hunger was your desire for something to meet your need for food. And when you finally found food, it was like you could eat a whole house if served on a plate. That happened because your body was trying to make up for what you have lacked in nutrient all this while. Physical hunger is bearable, what about when our soul has been deprived for a long time and now we have a serious hunger in our soul. Many times if that hunger in our soul goes unmet for a very long time, then we may altogether develop a permanent dysfunctional unhealthy desire. Where there is permanent high level of desire on the inside of us and nothing seems to be able to satisfy it.
This can happen when a child is deprived of loving affection all her life, her father may have been missing in action while her mother was too busy trying to make ends meet. She may have been a product of a broken marriage or a troublesome home where the father always beats them when he is drunk. Most of our desires are formed from childhood, but that is not our focus today
The issue here is, due to deprivation of our basic emotional needs, we can develop such large appetite for things that we become irrational and desperate for anything that we think can satisfy our needs.

A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb,
But to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Prov 27:7

Our desire and hunger for a relationship then begins to control us because every time our needs increase disproportionately in its capacity, our desires will enlarge monstrously to try and meet those needs. And very few people can stay sane with ravenous and monstrous desires.
That is why It is thus a delusion to see someone who is head over heel in desire (or what we call “In love”) with you, with a such strong desires and attraction for you and then conclude that you are just that wonderful or that you must be a great lover that is why the person wants you or needs you so badly, it may just be a bottomless pit, a deep hunger or a lustful craving that is pushing this guy or propelling this girl towards you, as it were, he is not pursuing you for who you are , but chasing you for what you have. They see you as a means to an end, they are hungry and they need to hunt to feed their deep hunger. And you are the one they ‘chase’ to ‘hunt’ down.
One of the ways you know such people is that they keep pursing many other people for relationship at the same time when they are pursing you or in a short time they jump from one relationship to another, because the truth is no man can satisfy such excessive voids in a man, only God can repair such damaged needs and perverted hunger.
So don’t get carried away by people with strong desires for you, do not feel flattered or you may be flattened. It’s easy to recognize these people, they always want you to call them, they might even tell you “if you love me you will have sex with me”, and they are often so desperate for whatever they want, they sometimes even get sick if their needs are not met. They will put up all manner of manipulative techniques because they can no longer wait for the normal way which is often too slow for them, you must watch out for the ‘bottomless pits’ in your life so that you do not fall into them. I will explore later in the future the GAMES desperate people play.
The greatest mistake you can make with this people is to get into a relationship or remain in a relationship with them because you pity them, any relationship that runs on pity will end up in the pit. You cannot remain in that relationship because you feel needed and desired to be desired, you are both going to get yourselves into trouble. You don’t run relationship by sentiments, you run it by the truth, by principles.

And find out if you feel deprived yourself by the uncontrollable desires that you have.
We will continue tomorrow. Remain blessed

CONFESS THIS
My desires are pure and healthy; my appetites are controlled and satisfied by the love of God. The river of God’s love floods my soul and keeps me full-filled

PRAY THIS
Lord , every untamed desires in mw put them under control in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Separate from dysfunctional relationships and nurture your relationship with God and emotionally healthy Christians in a non-romantic way

STUDY THIS

PROV 30:13-33

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Ayo Garuba (pst)

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VIRGINS IN SODOM PT 2

There is no neutrality in relationships, you are either spreading light or spreading darkness, you are either showing righteousness or showing wickedness, by your relationships, you can either make the world a better place or leave it world a bitter place.
2 Peter 2:7-8
…and (God) delivered righteous Lot, who was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked 8 (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day by seeing and hearing their lawless deeds) —
There are two types of righteousness, the righteousness that is internal and the righteousness that shows. On one hand righteousness is your nature in God, you must know that this is regardless of your present behavior, right now you are righteous, either you still have some issues in your life you are dealing with or not (the same way the fact that a two year old boy barking doesn’t mean he is now a dog, barking doesn’t change his nature, he just needs to learn and improve his expression of that human nature),
…but on another hand, righteousness eventually must begin to flow through you, out to other people. You can’t just be operating a self-centered “I am righteous life’, it can’t be all enclosed in yourself alone and no one is exposed to the light you carry. it must begin to show in your actions, your communications, your decisions, your thoughts, your feelings, righteousness changes the way you go about everything because it God’s nature finding expression through you to others.
What am saying is, it’s easier for me to believe that you are a human being (and not a dog) when you actually are a speaking being, instead of barking at people.
The best form of righteousness is the righteousness that is coupled with Loveliness. What I mean is; the kind of righteousness that makes a world a better place. That is where “righteous Lot” missed it”
We explored a brief history of Lot yesterday and we saw how Lot moved with righteous Abraham and became righteous, but it then seem to me that the righteousness of Lot actually perished with him because he never made anyone else righteous again after him.
Lot choose to live in a land that is totally contradictory to his personal belief of what is right and wrong, it’s like a man living in a pigs pen and complaining on how dirty the pen and pigs are , yet he is building more rooms in the pen. How can you be righteous and still choose to live in an unrighteous environment, how can you be righteous and still choose to unequally yoke yourself in the wrong relationship, how can you be righteous and still have a group of wayward friends as your closest friends, one would have thought that maybe Lot had a good agenda of changing his friends in Sodom, maybe he would go to Sodom to change the place and make it a better place for all, but all he did was try to just barely survive, he was more concerned with receiving the acceptance and the accolade of Gomorrah people while getting oppressed and tormented daily by the depravity he saw and heard there.
I would have thought that he would start speaking and changing people, even if it is his family, but Lot’s righteousness was so restricted to him that even the daughters he trained as virgins, ended up sleeping with him –their own father, So much for training virgin girls in a depraved land.
A crucial lesson here: Not doing something wrong physically is not enough; your mind must totally reject the same thing. If you permit within your heart what you do not want to see in your life, it’s like permitting a dog in your house yet you don’t want lice.
Lot protected his daughters from physically sleeping with men, but their minds already learnt all the wrong things. It’s a matter of time, whatever you permit in your mind you will practice in your life. So watch how you think and what you think.
It seem to me that the training of the daughters was not born out of an effort to love and make their lives better but to just protect his own personal ego, because the moment some visitors’ life got threatened, he was too ready to toss away the virginity and lives of his daughters just to protect his dignity.
Be careful, never place people above your family members, nor sacrifice your loved one’s life to gain the acceptance of others, it would back fire. A man who cannot care for his family is worse than an infidel-Yet these (infidel) men try to impress the world
Lot was a righteous man who died in “self-righteousness”, he never made his world a more righteous place. He never started any outreach to the Sodom people (Sodom reform dot org), he never attempted gathering groups of young people to try and help them change (Gomorrah youth refinement forum). He was so concerned with just himself and even his family wasn’t that important to him.
Lot lost everything because he lived a Loveless, self-centered, self-righteous life.
Jesus said, until your righteous exceed that of the Pharisees and the Sadducees you cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven.
What is the righteousness of the Pharisee and the Sadducee?
It is a righteous that is just about me and me alone. Once I make it to heaven then everybody else can go to hell.
Our relationship is a place where we go to make other people’s lives better not where we get to gratify our hidden selfish lusts. Most of us aren’t ready to do what it takes to help the other person become their best; we are just going into relationship to have fun. For your relationship to really be fun, you have to work at it. If you are not deliberate about impacting each other with righteousness, you will both end up with wickedness, if both of you don’t choose to help each other grow, you may both soon groan.
The other thing is, your relationship is not to just make you comfortable and proud about how rich and handsome your man is or how beautiful and intelligent your lady is, it is more than that, it’s beyond romantic experiences, you must be fruitful and you must actually together change your world and impact people’s lives with your righteousness. Ask yourself, would the world be a better place because of my relationship or marriage or would it become worse? Some men can’t even make their home a better place. They have turned their house to a war zone. They can’t even make peace and joy reign within the walls of their house and they discuss world peace on newspaper stands. A woman can’t even keep her family in a joyful atmosphere and she complains about how the first lady is not doing her job well, if you took care of your home environment, most children wouldn’t even notice they have a bad president.
You are the light of the world, no man light a candle and put it under a bushel, but places it on a stand for all to see.
If you are ashamed to stand for what is right you may soon be shamed. If you refuse to help others stand, you may soon fall yourself. I tell people, you are not safe in a world you are not helping to transform. One of the reasons why we must do our relationship rightly is; other people’s peace and joy depends on us.

CONFESS THIS
I am the light of the world. I am the salt of the earth. My spouse and I are blessing to my world. The lives of men and women get better because of my marriage and relationship

PRAY THIS
Lord, empower me to make my world a better place, and let my righteousness show to the world, let it change my world in Jesus name.

DO THIS
Sit down and plan how to change your relationship dynamics in such a way that you would start impacting your world for good. Focus more on giving than just taking. Find ways to make your partner a better person.

STUDY THIS

Math 5:13-16

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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VIRGINS IN SODOM

VIRGINS IN SODOM
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A relationship that is not on a mission will end up in confusion, if it doesn’t take you to a great destination, then it is a great distraction.

Gen 19:8
8 See now, I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish… NKJV
Lot, Abraham’s cousin in the bible is one of the most interesting characters I have come across. And there are a couple of lessons we can learn from him to help our relationship lives.
Lot made a couple of right decisions, for example, the decision to follow Abraham was a smart one because, even though God told Abraham to get out of his father’s land and to get out of his family, Abraham sentimentally brought his father and his cousin along: Our first lesson-you don’t run relationship by sentiment, you run it by discernment. Sentiment has led more people into issues than their discernment can eventually get them out of, so be careful.
These two people caused delay and conflicts for Abraham, e.g. until his father died, he couldn’t be advanced forward and until lot separated from him, he was struggling on a spot. Your relationships will either be an addition or a subtraction from your life, they will either be a blessing or a curse, choose.
Despite this, lots association with Abraham benefited Lot to some extent since without Abraham he would have been lost in his pagan life, and he would never have been made righteous nor be able to partake in the faith of Abraham,.
2 Peter 2:7-8
7 and delivered righteous Lot, who was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked 8 (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day by seeing and hearing their lawless deeds) —
One of the beauty of association or being in a relationship with the right person is you start becoming righteous yourself. You can’t be close to fire and not smell flames. He that walks with the wise will be wise and the companion of a fool shall be destroyed.
But great associations only benefits you as long as you subject yourself to the influence of the good person, if you don’t take personal responsibility to actually improve yourself, you will not just remain the same, you may start dragging down the person involved.

If you don’t choose to change and become better in that relationship, you soon make the person to become bitter with you.
Just as lot eventually started becoming a source of great concern to Abraham, eventually both of them went their ways. Abraham had to take that bold decision as said “cousin lot, it’s time for us to separate, if you go right, I will go left, if you choose north, I will go south, if you go to heaven. Then…God help us”
Some people either walk out of your life for you to advance, or you have to walk out of their lives.
You must not be afraid to lose some kind of friends, since what you lose sometimes determines you future gain. If you don’t let some people go, you may never go forward.
Don’t attach sentiment with regressive relationships, they might be families but they can’t be your friends. Friends are people who will determine your ends, if you don’t want to share in their ends then they can’t be your friends.
After Lot separated from Abraham he chose the watery plains of Sodom and Gomorrah to pitch his tent. Now this is the great mistake of Lots life.
The greatest mistakes of your life will be any mistake that will corrupt the relationships in your life. Any work you are doing that doesn’t nurture your relationship but constantly starves your relationship the required nutrient that it requires is not good for you.
Any job that robs you your time with family, any promotion that threatens the peace and joy you and your spouse once use to experience, any extra pay that instigate conflict in your relationship and marriage is not worth it, if it doesn’t foster your relationship then it is not a promotion, it is a demotion, because in the long run, the greatest asset in your life are not things but people.
We see lot moved into a land of ‘opportunities’ without consideration for the health of his future family. He made a monetarily profitable move but that will ensure family losses. his decision was going to cause him his marriage and his children, since his wife turned into A pillar of salt and his virgin daughters were going to be offered to a sexually hungry mob.
The issue here is Lot has his priorities wrong, he placed reputation and profit high than his family, how can you value visitors more than your own children, I don’t buy the argument that Brother Lot knew they were angels, if he knew they were angels then he would have prayed to the angels to help him instead of offer to give up his virgin daughters in a fleshly effort to save his face. It was obvious the offer he made was wrong because the angels immediately interfered.
Imagine if you were one of the daughters of daddy Lot and you have been trained a virgin all your life, kept and protected from all the vices of the land, kept from wrong relationships only for your father to offer to give you up to a sexually hungry mob as a first sexual encounter, your own ‘honeymoon’-your heart will break. It goes a long way to show us the priorities of lot, as against the priorities of Abraham, God said of him in Gen 18:19-20…For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.” 20 And the Lord said, “Because the outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grave…
My next question is, how can Sodom be that sinfully grave when a righteous man like righteous man Lot was present there?

VIRGINS IN SODOM continues

CONFESS THIS
I walk in the counsel of the godly, I stand in the path of the righteous, and I sit in the seat of the wise.

PRAY THIS
Lord, take me out of any wrong company that will end me up with the ultimate losses

DO THIS
Deliberately begin to identify wrong people in your life and pluck yourself out of their grip
.

STUDY THIS
Psalm 1v1-end

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Yours In Love
Ayo Garuba (pst)

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10 CRAZY TALES OF LOVE

HEARTSTREAMS daily devotionals (Singles and Married)

crazy.jpg

10 CRAZY TALES OF LOVE (VALENTINE SERIES)
PROV 30:19
The way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the midst of the sea, and the way of a man with a virgin.
NKJV
Every year millions of people celebrate the valentine season of love. Many people will; do a lot of things to prove their love for their beloved. Some of these things will be reasonable, most of it will be foolish, today, we share with you people in the bible who were very sure they were in love, some of what they did were noble, others totally outrageous, but the aim is to give us a profile of people whose example we can learn from. We either learn from examples, or we may become bad examples that people will have to learn from. Characters are chosen from the bible because they help us to bring the word of God alive in us and connect them to our modern day experience.

DANGEROUS BRIDE PIRCE 1 SAM 18:20-30
An amazing story of David and Micah his first wife: David was a young shepherd boy whose recent war accomplishment as brought him to lime light and he is the toast of the town, the admiration of the palace and the envy of his master and his lord the king, Saul. Looking for ways to terminate his life out of blind envy, Saul heard about his daughter Micah’s affection for David, seeing it as a perfect opportunity to eliminate his source of envy, he sent words to him that he can marry his daughter if only he can pay the bizarre bride price, which was ‘a hundred foreskin (prepuce) of philistines’. This was a shrewd scheme to put an end to David’s life, but surprisingly, David didn’t only pay the pride price, he paid twice of it. Meaning that, he actually risked his life killing two hundred philistines and yanked out their foreskins from their manhood so as to satisfy the blood thirst lust of the king.
MORAL: discernment before taking risk will save you a lot of future troubles. Love must never blind us to real underlying issues. I believe that risk David took was totally unwise, because the intent of Saul was totally murderous. Knowing this should have been a warning sign for David, not an avenue to prove his ‘valory’. If it costs too much to get, won’t it cost much more to maintain. Love obviously was not enough to sustain that marriage, because it later broke up. David had to run for his life when Saul the king tried an alliance with his wife to kill her husband, although the wife exposed him. Wisdom is always necessary when going into marriages like this. That you can afford It something doesn’t mean that it is good for you.

TIMELESS AFFECTION GEN 29:27
A guy a waited 14years to marry a girl
Have you heard of the story of Jacob and Rachel? their story is ‘love’ at first sight, after which he shows interest in marrying her, he was suppose to work for seven years as bride price to get her, but after having fulfilled the seven years, he was given the elder sister Leah by their father Laban, Leah wasn’t as beautiful as her younger sister, so it was a disappointing experience for him.. Feeling dejected but determined, he decided to spend another seven years to pay the bride price of the younger sister.
The question is, can you wait for fourteen years for the one you love. Let’s assume you heard from God, will you wait or your love will fade away if it’s taking too long? Not every waiting is wise, but our generation of lovers is an ‘instant noodles’ generation. They want it now and they want it for themselves. If your love can’t stand the test of time, then your love is fake. Not every move of Jacob was wise though but at least he can be commended for his undying love for Rachael his first love

BLIND AFFECTION.
Samson is your macho man figure of the bible, born as a Nazarene, meaning he is special and no razor can touch his hair. so imagine this guy with dread locks, muscular and totally handsome, one of his oath as a Nazarene is that he cannot also marry from another tribe apart from Israel, Samson foolishly thought he was above the law, not only did he choose a wife from another tribe, he choose a wife from Israel’s enemy’s tribe and he choose a prostitute. He was consumed by passion or let’s say ‘sexual passion’. Ordinarily no army could stop Samson but this girl has been bribed to ask for the secret of Samson’s invincible strength. She succeeded at doing so after several risky attempts, which should have been a serious warning for Samson but he was too blinded by lust and they ended up cutting his hair and plucking out his eyes.
Moral: if you don’t open your eyes while choosing, your choice may blind you eventually. Don’t get love blind or else, your vision may be totally stolen away from you. The macho men of this world must be careful. She is sexy and hot on bed, but she may soon burn you. The hypocritical sexy divas of this world must watch it, becoming a man slaughter doesn’t really add value to your existence, it diminishes it. Why do you want men’s demise to begin with their encounter with you in bed? You were created to nurture destines, don’t puncture them.
COSTLIEST MISTAKE MADE BY A HUSBAND
How Adam ate the forbidden fruit
Adam and Eve story in Gen may not strike you as a love tale but if you consider that they were the first set of Lovers who ever thread the surface of the earth and they were both in the garden of delight where they had all they needed and enjoyed the best of direct communication with their creator, then you will realize how much costly it was when Eve listened to that serpent , thus tasting of the forbidden fruit and how much costlier it was when Adam who wasn’t deceived but was wide eyed in love with wife took of the fruit also and ate. some may say he did it out of foolishness, or that Eve deceived him, or that he was too trusting of his wife some even says he did it intentionally so as to not leave his wife in limbo, but the truth is Adam’s mistake cost all of us the price of the garden of Eden.
MORAL: Never leave your wife alone to herself, never get so busy that you allow Her to be vulnerable. The question we will forever ask ourselves is; where was Adam when the serpent was locking around deceiving Eve? You must learn to protect your marriage against external influences, and to the wife. There is only one’s man’s voice that must titillate you, and that is the voice of your husband, not that of smooth tongued liars outside your matrimony

TO BE CONTINUED
CONFESS THIS
Lord,your true Love is shed abroad in my heart
PRAY THIS
Lord help me to overcome the foolishness inherent in love passion..
DO THIS
Be wise this seaon.
STUDY THIS
I Cor 13:1-end

Yours in LOVE
PST AYO GARUBA

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